An Angels Guardian - ft. Clisk & .Insomnia

An Angels Guardian
ferocity. - Clisk - .Insomnia

...

.Insomnia

It was a rainy day in the month of the east skies
In a northern pyramid, in the room where death lies
Wrapped in a cotton robe, resting with other kings
With hands of gold, all wrapped up in the lovers ring
Running through my mind, wake up and I will find
Myself sitting above the 6 rain clouds, on top of cloud 9
And on my right hand I was scared with a label
Protect your divisions of children, your a guardian angel
He could build 1000 churches and still be forgotten
Empty seats around the kind, bread and wine is rotten
Did you forget that he still rests on the lakes breast
You cant fail with him, and you still think he makes tests
15 churches in a town of 5000, everyone should cometh
And we still have people on the streets, fearing they will be punished
One thing to do is ask for help and forgiveness
Look around to denounce god is to bear false witness
so purgatory is a state, many of you think its a place
It could be hell from there, if you still grieve in your hate
And the light didn’t effect the sight of the pearly gates
Your innocent blood, and your also his son,
Remember, since day 1, the apocalypse has already begun

Clisk

He sits with ponderous thought in shame,
The world as his shadow, yet no one knows his name
he hails from the heavens, the lone male hunter
deprived of his own rights, nothing for breakfast, lunch or supper
color mahogany painted , the art of Me…
abruptly I flail to my knees, worn and torn in mourn of this artery
The heart of me sings in such a joyous melody
Chemical ephods acetate in prudence of this biology
Clematis epidermis, frontline in such battle
Prattle, in a tonic humid voice of a god in wattle
Curious to know, curious George aboard
Looked around the corner rock to see a fleet of hoards
Shocking excitement, excruciates through..
Screamed bloody murder, he runs back to fort to warn his army of few
Men we stand today, tomorrow holds a new
The chosen ones stand tall, nothing stands between me and you
Strike now while their unaware, scream Aww!
With our swords wailing in the air and hearts beating with courage Allah!

ferocity.

Broken tears, fall
Unspoken years, call
Outspoken peers, crawl
Through token piers, tall

Nothing less, Nothing More

Demons keep chanting, encore
Breathlessly panting, my back to the floor

I can hear death’s ranting
Through black corridors

…

Helpless struggle, friendless hustle, through each day
The endless rustle, of evils snuggle, blew each way

The sands of time, drew rants of crime
Each hour, an angel slowly devours
From bands that rhyme, to choirs that chime
Prayer, is from which angels draw their power

The sacredness of angels, is purely, sublime
God’s horsemen, steadily shine, upon their tower
Leaving the faithfulness of evil with an unruly climb
Their plague begins to cower, as their mauls, turn sour

…

A secret lost through the ages
A secret, nobody knows
The guardian, whom an angel engages
Is breathing, beneath heavens nose

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310972
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310642

uppin' for feed. - PS: think about this piece, it has alot of metaphors in it.

Insomnia-See, I think you kind of strayed from the topic a little bit. I see some lines that refer to it in good ways like the guardian angel line. Other than that, I feel like you really didn't refer to the topic that great. Check other OM's by HOF members and see how to be on point with it. Coming into the topic I want to read about the topic. Feel me?

Clisk-See I thought what you wrote to be a lot more direct with it. to me a guardian of angels would be a person protecting or guiding an angel through perils of evil. Your first line and second summed this up pretty well. It shows imagry as in like no body knows the name of the protecter, yet he is still present. I think the rest was going a bit off topic up untill the army of few line. But you described it in a decent manner.

Ferocity-I can hear death’s ranting
Through black corridors

See I read that and I completely understand what your saying. Its like an angel gets respect, but how is someone supposed to respect a guardian of an angel when they never see a guardian? It would be like saying, you see the President in media coverage. But you do not ever notice a secret service man that would be there to take the bullet for him. As I continue reading, I realize that you are staying on topic more than the rest. Helplessly struggling would be like, attempting to get recognition for being the reason why the angel survives. The last part is real good. It symbolizes the fact that people do not see behind the curtain., when it is a guardian of the angel which maintains the angel's sanity.

Overall A good drop here guys. I think some focal points could be worked on. But not to bad. Keep writing, all of you.

Cheers for the lengthy feedback. It is appreciated.

Uppin'

thanks for the feed...appreciated

Uppin guys - dont sleep on this!

Bump for these Hoes. :)

thankz

uppin

cmon guys - dont sleep on this!

uppin'

dope peice....long but well worth the read....all in all the verses all tie in together...emotion,structure, vocab and all was straight nothin really a big stand out of messin up....it all flowed together and made a nice picture...like a master piece of whateva...isomnia did go away for a minute but he brought it back....nothin really big on that though...other too pretty much stayed on point through out the piece overall good job to my fellow crew heads

This was nicely put together all the verse had nice vocab Insomnia kinda strayed from the topic but other then that it was really nice lenghtly alil bit but well worth the read i like how descriptive you three were with your verse the imagery was on point for clisk insomnia used some nice multies ferocity you had alot of mettahs in your verse but it didn't stand out from the reast the piece that you guys droppd we well thought out and nicely put together i would love to see the three of you collab again but on a more direct touchy type subject that would be really nice to this collab of the three heads that were in it happen again nice job now imma quote some of my key lines to me in this piece

Insomnia
Running through my mind, wake up and I will find
Myself sitting above the 6 rain clouds, on top of cloud 9
And on my right hand I was scared with a label
Protect your divisions of children, your a guardian angel
He could build 1000 churches and still be forgotten
Empty seats around the kind, bread and wine is rotten
Did you forget that he still rests on the lakes breast
You cant fail with him, and you still think he makes tests
15 churches in a town of 5000, everyone should cometh
And we still have people on the streets, fearing they will be punished

Clisk
he hails from the heavens, the lone male hunter
deprived of his own rights, nothing for breakfast, lunch or supper
color mahogany painted , the art of Me…
abruptly I flail to my knees, worn and torn in mourn of this artery
The heart of me sings in such a joyous melody
Chemical ephods acetate in prudence of this biology
Clematis epidermis, frontline in such battle
Prattle, in a tonic humid voice of a god in wattle
Curious to know, curious George aboard
Looked around the corner rock to see a fleet of hoards
Shocking excitement, excruciates through..
Screamed bloody murder, he runs back to fort to warn his army of few
Men we stand today, tomorrow holds a new


Ferocity
The sands of time, drew rants of crime
Each hour, an angel slowly devours
From bands that rhyme, to choirs that chime
Prayer, is from which angels draw their power

The sacredness of angels, is purely, sublime
God’s horsemen, steadily shine, upon their tower
Leaving the faithfulness of evil with an unruly climb
Their plague begins to cower, as their mauls, turn sour

…

A secret lost through the ages
A secret, nobody knows
The guardian, whom an angel engages
Is breathing, beneath heavens nose



once again nice collab please feed on Broken Halo in my sig thanx

this was a pretty good drop...insomia you can ok your verse was nice..but had every day flow...not really special in anyway...ur multies we're decnt..you made yours look good with strutre....clisk you came weakest flow was pretty good tho..just work on your stretched lines....fero you came best...multies we're nice...helpped the flow really good and your strutre stood out..good job.

.Insomnia-Alright. Your verse was coo. What didn't interest me was you not focusing on the Topic, it seemd your part was more of a "Pastor Savor" or something revolving around that, you talked about churches and saving people and all that, or did your concept meant that the churches are the angles? If so, it was a good concept, but not exposed clearly. When you write, go straight to the point and tell it like it is, don't use that complex stuff if you don't know what you doing. Anyways, I felt your part was a bit basic and needs some polishing and help with your mechanics, Topically wise. Overall, Ok part, keep writing.

Clisk-Ok, Like Trep said, your was more direct. What didn't interest me in your piece is the vocab usage

Chemical ephods acetate in prudence of this biology
Clematis epidermis, frontline in such battle

Ephods, Acetate, Prudence, Clematis Epidermis, used wrong, in my opinion, cause you can't make a vocab understand just by putting in a verse, you have to use context clue's and I don't see it, so thats why the confusement. Clematis Epidermis, I keep looking at that and be like "WTF". Cause Clematis is a kind of plant and Epidermis is a skin IE, something thats being covered. So whats being covered in the frontlines battle, the vestment worn by the priest cause thats what Ephods mean or am I missing something, overall the vocab usage in this piece kinda threwed me off. So explain to me in PM. Moving on, You had a good emotion and Imaginary, like Trep said you came direct, good verse on your part.

ferocity.-Trep just stoled my words of telling whats the concept of your part is, Bitch, Lol. Anyways, this was a good drop by you, I think you outshined the other two, Lyrically. The emotion was there, very well expresed and it wasn't complex, just direct understanding without using high vocab words, simplicity at its best. Word usage was good, understand it clearly. Meta's was there, average, but do some work in that category. Overall this was a good drop, can't say nothing else on your part. Good Drop

This collab was meh. I didn't see any team work, that is what "Collab" is all about, come together and make the whole piece make sense. It seems that you guys just picked a Topic and just said "Write your own point of view to the Topic", that is a bad idea, cause readers want to see teamwork in a collab, want to see like a like some Phone Tap-Nas FT AC and shit, Lol. Feel me, overall this was an ok collab, I was just disappointed cause I didn't see any focus in this collab. Pz

Nice piece guys very hard to do a three man collab sometime for the fact that sometimes not everyone is on the same page you focusing on something on a totally diffrent scale at time put you guys did it in som aspect which i good to see.

Insomnia had interesting take on the topic focusing on a less direct approach on the topic and more of a side route which works out emotion and imagrey was there which i liked to see havent read much of your work so i cant really say if this is a step up or step down but it works all pieces and content fit in the right spot and made it an ight read.
Clisk you had a more direct angle on the topic works out smooth in contrast to the first collaber i dont know if you guys planned that or not put it worked out for the best as you showed more of what the angel can do to help be a guardian nice emotion and nice style of imergrey you painted i vived memory in my mind which i love to see great job on your part i read the whole verse before posting and you showed be happy to see that i think you were the glue that held the collab together its always nice to see someone do that the only minus from your verse which isnt really a big thing but i saw it was the Curious to know, curious George aboard line not because what it said it just didnt fit in with the rest of your verse kinda like your whole verse was a cheese pizza and the 12th slice was a meat slice just didnt fit in. but like i said not a critical error but one that would be noticed in SS.
ferocity ive read 1 of your topical battles in FL and that amazed me this was also good it just didnt fit in with the rest of the verses it was at a higher level you had a nice style and poetic feel to it which i liked to see but it didnt corespond with the rest of it. but fuck it that doesnt matter its all about every putting in ample hard work into making something work which i am happy to say you did. I was loving the emotion you brought to the table an above average non-complex verse and style which made it that much more of a pleasure to read.

Nice job guys next time lets try to be on the same page

yea me and fero were on the same page but insomnia just flowed about something completely diffrent...thanks

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Clisk

yea me and fero were on the same page but insomnia just flowed about something completely diffrent...thanks

---

This was a very rushed collab - Lol :D But thank you for the feed people, especially Tim, I cant believe I amazed you, I always thought I was a noob :) Lol.

And nice sig Clisk.

Uppin'

newb lol thats what everyone thinks when they see

Joined: Jul 2006

88 posts people need to look past that

and see the skill

Well thanks for the kind words Tim, it's extremelly appreciated :D

I'll make sure the next OM that hits the forums from my me is pulled off to the best of my abilities :) Lol.

Cheers again.

uppin this

dude this shit be fuckin illy old man... and wasnt as bad as we thought it would be