Wait For Me Stranger

http://www.guadalupe-canyon.com/gcphotos/rainbow.jpg



I See You On The Other Side: Wait For Me

Don't Leave Me Now

Its devouring my soul on what the future beholds
They say death brings you relief or so i been told
It makes your soul warm while it makes mine cold
Your hindering my flame, and bringing me the pain
This life is so brief im in disbelief About this shame
girl you were my blessing my gift in my eyes my prize
inseperatable are life were tied and now it finally dies



I Can't Live

Time is passing, the terror of life is everlasting
i need drugs so i can forget about this love
Taking shot after shot yet the pain is not pasing
Im living in this a debt, i can't wait for my death
Cause im losing my mind, but yet i can't forget
you

Im Getting Close To You

My life ending is believing, my death is relieving
i've cut my wrist, putting the poison to my lips
after all the stuff i done, Shit death is decieving
and now i can finally be with you and outta danger
I can't believe that i would die to be with a total stranger

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310944

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...37#post5169337

Excellent...the first word that popped in my head after readin this shit.....structure was on point and mos def the flow was....vocab was good also liked the usage of wordin and how it was worded.....emotion all over the place in this and very much creative i don't think this lack much of anything....in my eyes u pretty much hit in every direction and catagory... even though it was short it was still enjoyable nice job...keep up the work hope to see more from u

-Quest

Very good piece spicous - I really appreciate the fact that you're in the crew now :)

But back to why I'm here, this piece had superb imagery, flow, and structure, your vocabulary was also great aswell - there was a scent of multies there, but there wasnt that massive presence that mad me say "Wow, this piece is crazy" - But the piece had a unique vibe of emotion, and that is what made it, and I think thats why you made it also.

Cheers, nice piece, I'd rate it about 7/10 - Keep writing man, peace out.

im not a type of guy to force multies i put them in when they come to me and thanks for the feed

and what Crew?

well this was a nice drop here dude...though i didnt really take a liking cus your topic wasnt original and you came at it like every other 34652345 writers did along as me...ya know but i aint hating. you did a nice job spreading your multies out and metaphors were developed good not over-doing anything. your vocab though seemed limited...like every piece ive seen from you your vocab hasnt really gotten better yes a few new meanings and shit but you used the word again but in a diffrent form of wording ya know...work on that and your content of emotino i felt it in this but i felt you really didnt detail the scene even though you have the picture doesnt mean not to evaluate on it still ya know....so i felt like you lacked just a little but nice drop overall man...keep writing!

naw the picture is just to build off what im talking about cool uppin

i know but it felt like you didnt wanna detail your emotin and intertwine it to the pic and twist it around ya know it could and would have really helped break it down more with emotino and imagery!

yah i know their is some hidden word play in their if people don't notice no body complimented me about that

^^cus its too hidden i guess when you hide it make sure the second line after that compliments it to make em say oh shit thats what it was for ya know...like metaphors.

This was dope...and i didnt see any of the hiddin multies..lmao...i guess i cant read or something....but this flowed very well..it went very nicely with the picture you used...missing alot of good chances for multies but its better if you dont force them..very creative i must say...deffintly seems like a hof drop...keep up..rtf on last letter.

then weren't any hidden multies their was hidden wordplay the multies for example were here

i need drugs so i can forget about this love

and thanks for saying it HoF thanks bro

uppin for feed

bump from trep nig

Hey man, this was a pretty good piece here. I actually paused my tunes to really feel it. I could of read a bit more, meaning that you could of wrote deeper and more focused on the girl etc.. Nonetheless, I see you have some talent in writing. I would just suggest that you focus a little more on what your trying to get across. The title really only depicts what your saying in the end. It would be nice to hear things from you that why you think shes a stranger or why you cannot grasp that fact that she won't let you in. Decent drop, try to put a little more emphasis on it next time.

i thought about later that i shoulda went into alittle more about the girl but yet i didn't want to say to much to keep her the stranger saying that i didn't know much about her yet i loved her but thanks for the feed bro

No problem man, no hate either, you can only gain experiance by the more pieces you write.

thanks again trep

and bump

last up for ever

Good piece.....Didnt find anything really wrong with this piece lol.....Your flow was good which allowed your piece to read nice and easily.....You had good imagery in this i could picture things in my head whilst reading this.....Your vocabulary was nice and you had some multi's.....Your creativity wasnt to shabby either.....Good piece homes stay up. :thumbup:

thanks bro appreciated

Nice drop mann i really enjoyed readin this piece you had a really nice vibe and flow on this shit mann. the way you develope your set up into each stanza was nice also the first couple of lines you had some very nice multies in piece Imagery was the shit i could actually close my eyes afterwerdz and vizulayze the piece in my head heres my favorite part of the piece bra

Your hindering my flame, and bringing me the pain
This life is so brief im in disbelief About this shame
girl you were my blessing my gift in my eyes my prize
inseperatable are life were tied and now it finally dies



I Can't Live

Time is passing, the terror of life is everlasting
i need drugs so i can forget about this love
Taking shot after shot yet the pain is not pasing
Im living in this a debt, i can't wait for my death
Cause im losing my mind, but yet i can't forget


Damn That was Hott as hell

I liked the emotion in this and the image was used in a different yet qually correct way. Plus the sub heading under the image was very good i liked that. The first verse irked me as some of the rhymes were simplicit and i 'v seen them many times. As the om picekd up it got better and eloborated on the emotion even more. OVerall...in terms of presenetation and content it was a very enjoyable piece but it lacked pthe touch of intense description or imagery. Thoguh you did manage to set an atmosphere with the emotion imagery would have taken it to another level. Nice, GanKsta GanKsta.

Tanks nig

last upp forever then let this die

Nice peice dude, I really enjoyed it. You seriously have elevated a lot in the past couple of months. This peice was amazing imagery-wise, and I could imagine everything that you wrote, which I like in a peice, and which is what I try to do in my own work. The emotion in this peice was great, you really plucked the reader's heart strings, and made them really enjoy it. This was really well written my man, and I can't wait to see more work from you, I can see you being a top writer on this site some day, you could really make an impact on this board. Props Thug :coolio:

wow i love you

Thug Love

Last upp just wanted it to be known

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309859

^hit it up

ugh thats not even your piece lolz but i seen yourz one i'll feed it