I don't know how to put this

My old friendships have disappeared
Now I feign happiness where at one time bliss appeared
I miss the years where Basketball & Goldeneye were my main concerns
and school was just a distraction because it was lame to learn
& I never truly applied the advice "never take it for granted"
Not to the people I knew, nor the breaks I was handed
sometimes fate leaves you stranded, in a painful, not uplifting display
the same way that my best friends sort of drifted away
And it's sad cuz I knew as it happened. i wasn't taken by surprise
Feeling like a spectator in my own life. Just making my goodbyes,
no hatred in my eyes, just reminiscence over the times missed
waking to the lies that the next day would be better & shaking a blind fist
cuz no new friends will replace them in my eyes, or heal the pain
..the pain caused because I'll never know if they feel the same
So old memories are sometimes held onto, sometimes shattered & despised
As I try to decide if I even mattered in their lives
& Think disturbing thoughts that never occur in dreams
Meeting new people. & hoping my life doesn't have recurring themes
all the while unwilling to let go of things past
I refuse to relinquish something which I can bring back

short and sweet feebs. i love the flow throught this whole peice. its not choppy and all. excellent word choice and the remniscient feel was definetaly evident int he presentation of your lines. All in all well drawn up. i like this whole Title to OM thing u got. its dope

Reply to mine now Jewgga.

Rainbow Colored Dreams

Lickety links dude.. Oh and lemme know if your gonna be in this seasons SS by checking in the thread provided in SS. & really nice drop here btw. Will extend it, but I just loved the honesty in this verse..

thanks man. ill make sure to get those links up tomorrow. im going to sleep now. thanks for the feed though guys. ill hit up your piece tomorrow as well daz. pz

This was short and sweet, I liked it, very simple, not complex, just putting it out there. Very emotional and the wording was good, the flow was decent too. Very well written, stayed in content. Can't say anything more except that this piece was flat out good, thanks for the entertainment read. Bye.

I really liked this coz its how I have felt for a while now, I crave the past sooo much...
sometimes so much it gets me depressed...

but then it passes.. just never thought about writing about it...

rhymescheme and flow and shit was well done too while sticking to the theme...

overall nice read :thumbup:

i read who posted it, and i didn't even read the first line. it succs.




elevate for christs sake
-mE

Yup this was pretty good my friend.Flow was on point and you had some beautiful wording also.You put some good emotion into this also which really cam through very well with the piece.It would be good to see you drop more pieces from time to time but we will just have to see.Nice piece feeble,keep it up :)

this was pretty cool feebs. nice emotion here, i could tell this was a topic u cared about and wanted to write about. nice flow. good job and goodluck in SS this season.

liked this piece mainly because this is exactly how i've been feeling for the past few years. idk what made me decide to click the link and read because i dont even do topicals anymore but im glad i did. flow wasn't choppy or anything, not an amazing complicated rhyme scheme, but just simple n still enough to get the point across. word choice was very good, short piece, but like i said straight to the point.

The reason this is good is because it hits a topic that anyone can understand, especially writers in their twenties, a time of confusion, change, and a lot of life-shattering decisions... College or work, marriage, kids, location to live at, housing, car, bills... and then your social situations you're desperately trying to keep as lively as the ones you remember being so vibrant and important during high school and before.

The flow was really good also, pieces like this tend to sacrifice a good flow for the content, but you did a good job of choosing your words to keep your lines flowing together smoothly but still aptly tell the story. I'm sure like most of us that read this, I felt a little bit of the pain of losing some of my best friends as I have in the last few years, and what caused it all to happen...

But I've been so damned motivated and optimistic lately, you just gotta let the past go and smile through it, man, because it was all part of what makes you you today. Without the experiences you couldn't feel what you felt writing this, or want to write it. Those experiences force us to move on and recognize how volatile this world is, to the point we finally honor the old cliche "everything changes." Good read, as I'm accustomed to from you.

I really liked this, it was short and got to the point, this was a great topic Feeble, you really expressed the feelings of being a adult, rhyme scheme was nice, flow was consistent, good use of vocabulary, this piece was simple, but I still loved it, it was a break from all the om's that don't really get at anything, you just painted a picture of life, and the picture was beautiful, great imagrey in this, I really did enjoy reading this.

..the pain caused because I'll never know if they feel the same
So old memories are sometimes held onto, sometimes shattered & despised
As I try to decide if I even mattered in their lives
& Think disturbing thoughts that never occur in dreams

Those were my favorite lines, I felt they were the strongest in the whole piece. This was a very good piece, and a great read, I look forward to reading more.


If you could return the favor.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...44#post5163644
Thanks.

Haven't peeped anything from you in a while, None of the less good read here. Even tho it was short it contained alot.

no hatred in my eyes, just reminiscence over the times missed
waking to the lies that the next day would be better & shaking a blind fist


^^ Nice


Keep droppin more Feebs, Lookin forward to readin some of your scripts.

this was extremely good, maybe just for me at the moment having just moved to college two weeks ago, and watching friends leave to school all through out the summer, i guess im just in the same boat so this really hit home.and knowing i wont see most of them tell thanksgiving and other breaks, its rough for now. and the part about new friends cant replace, couldnt feel you on that anymore. if i could get my feelings out like this i would have nearly and idenitical story, exellent piece.

good emotion bro...read a few of your pieces now, your a pretty talented writer...i was feelin the piece, flow was on point, multies and emotions were certainly there...and it was concise...props on the drop...one question, why did my open mic get closed?

oh yeah feebs could you RTF on my piece "The Long Journey Home" in my sig

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Feeble

So old memories are sometimes held onto, sometimes shattered & despised
As I try to decide if I even mattered in their lives

---

dont worry feebs, you matter in a text battlers life

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pens Ill

dont worry feebs, you matter in a text battlers life

---

^^reply like that again = blockage :-)

i was just joking brix

feebs know what he writes is dope :)

yeah, i'll get to everyone's piece, dont worry. i only got to daz so far. ill get to some more later today.

:)

lol i came back to hit up some links... but nobody left any links...

responded to daz's piece rainbow colored dreams and bounce's piece ink blots.

well feeble shit was defenitly sumtin i could relate 2 cuz i 2 miss home where did high school n every1 want me back but sumtimes life dont work dat fast...funny thing is i guess it counts if ur well known round here cuz i dropped a om like yesterday n gave da proper amount of links needed when i posted it but it still got closed....brix dont do dat dirty damn im new on this site but not new 2 the basic rule of thumb when comin on these things i got my links so open it up for me so peeps can have sumtin 2 reply 2 cuz i aint droppin nuttin new til i finish da audio version of the track i posted in om..well enough rambling bout me...good piece keep postin....peace

If you send brix a PM, including your two links, he will reopen your thread. Only reason he doesn't close mine is cuz he luhs me

;)

This was a really nice read I flowed well but i honstly feel like it is kinda rushed and force but the worplay was good and all in all it was good

I think your reply was kinda rushed. mu'fucka

I miss the years where Basketball & Goldeneye were my main concerns
and school was just a distraction because it was lame to learn
& I never truly applied the advice "never take it for granted"
Not to the people I knew, nor the breaks I was handed
sometimes fate leaves you stranded, in a painful, not uplifting display
the same way that my best friends sort of drifted away
And it's sad cuz I knew as it happened. i wasn't taken by surprise
Feeling like a spectator in my own life. Just making my goodbyes,


Those are my favorite lines of this piece it flowed really well through the piece you had some nice vocab in and out of the piece you should work on your imagery that's the only think you were lacking in this piece ohh and some your wording didn't flow as well as it did in some parts it just off by a lil bit

After all that Very nice piece

please return feed in Broken Halo

This was really nice as far as emotion goes...

But, I don't have to tell you it wasn't the most technical piece you've ever written.

No internals...end of sentence only type of shit...

But I guess you're getting shit off your chest so it's excusable.

Sorry you're in a tough time, man.

Don't worry, dude...by the time you're my age...you'll be yearning for a past that you, at your age, haven't even made it to yet...meaning the shit you miss now...you won't miss in 20 years...you'll miss a whole different era.

Time heals...as it fucks you over.

Peace

Thanks Born ^


and thanks for the replies everyone. ima close this now though. reply to some less-replied pieces.