An Athiest: Cowardly Christians on a break.

Some merge to deceive,
And others, splurge in the work of their merciful deeds,
Then, confirming their worth, with the nerves to proceed,
This, discerning Earth had the urge to believe!
Now we're, concerned with a curse on the verge to conceive,
Just a, burst of the worst, mixed with turbulence, grief,
On the, surface we bleach our words the service to speak,
Is just, sacredness burned when our sermons are breached!
We are, yearning to seek the truth, yet blashphemy falls,
And gradually, we let it happen until tragedy calls,
Then miraculously all is gained when our backs at the wall,
Fabricating his name in vain. . .your majesty, ALL!
We magically stall, misconstruing spewing our flaunts,
Choosing that once we leave his place, we can do what we want,
Foolishness, cunts blinded cause their vision is bleeding,
Living a secret; Let's be Christians when religion's convenient!
So timid and speechless, this isn't what sins about,
A binge of doubt, a time card: we've punched in and out,
Pretending to crowd His word, yet we've devoured his grace,
With cowardly traits, Sunday's are just an hourly rate!
A sourly taste, atheism can be paired with cancer,
There's no cure, just because their fucking prayers ain't answered,
Failed to pamper, for some, there's just no grounds or hope,
Forget preaching, grab a Bible, shove it down their throats!
Never lounge with those, who often, plunge in sickness,
Thinking because their life sucks, God is non existent,
It's ones decision, but look, our love is potent,
Just remember: Next terrorist attack, our doors are open.

I guess.

-Nique.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...78#post5129378

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...72#post5129372

Quote:

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Some merge to deceive,
And others, splurge in the work of their merciful deeds,
Then, confirming their worth, with the nerves to proceed,
This, discerning Earth had the urge to believe!
Now we're, concerned with a curse on the verge to conceive,
Just a, burst of the worst, mixed with turbulence, grief,
On the, surface we bleach our words the service to speak,
Is just, sacredness burned when our sermons are breached

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Ouch!! Fuck me.. you killed me with this section. Loved every part of it. Flowed beautifully (you know your English, lady), and just stayed on topic with so much attitude. I love rhymes with relevance, and you gave it to me.. I really can't fault what you wrote here. Though I would have wrote "turbulent grief.." but I could see you was following onto another sentence :-) just dope. Don't agree with your concept as I despise religion. Though it brings hope, it brings a lot more hate! Anyways.. loved it, mami. Been a while since I've give you nuttin' but props. You just keep getting better.. SS's is gonna see some amazing battles.

haha, now this is DOPE. I really liked how you pulled this off and the manner in which you went about it. The flow is more my kind of shit here, didn't need all the seperation, I thought the count was obvious, but then again some might not follow otherwise. Assonance killed it in lines, well worded, nothing out of place or left out. Strong message, strong voice, not many pictures but that is a non issue in this peice.
Very strong drop nique, some of those lines were just spot on with what I would have done in working out the flow, solid word choice.

It was a pleasure, keep up the dopeness...

Niiiiice. I totally related to your topic from the get go (ironically, our university has just started putting up 'The Athiest Union' posters. I'm in the process of parodying them to post up alongside, for my own deviant pleasure)

You came with a bold assault of multiple feminine rhyming, internals, a strong sardonic tone of voice in exclamation and fine use of language and imagery throughout. And nice timing to reinforce the message of your theme, too. Not being too familiar with your work, this was a brilliant read indeed and I look forward to seeing more.

Thanks, and you're right Brix turbulent grief does sound better, but I was going into another sentence to help my transitions better. Good looks. And why are ppl upping their OMs when they have over 15 views? Thanks everyone. Rise.

Oh and what's feminine rhyming?

a rhyme in which the the peniltimate (sp? ) is the focus, which baiscally means the second to the last syllable within a scheme, or string of rhymes. Different from masculine, which would focus on the last syllable. The use of both masculine and feminine rhymes within a line will result in some doperific flow, which is what I do in my own work. Might be the reason you have trouble with my rhyme scheme, it's not a visual thing, more an audible thing...

sets up cadence and count..

^oOoOo i have never heard of that in my entire life lmfao, but you have enlightened me. .good looking. .it's weird because i never knew i used a particular rhyme scheme. .until now ha

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Originally Posted by .Nique.

^oOoOo i have never heard of that in my entire life lmfao, but you have enlightened me. .good looking. .it's weird because i never knew i used a particular rhyme scheme. .until now ha

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that is why you are sexy to me, I've taught the shit at the university level, but I never knew what it was before either, just a natural thing I did in my lines. Then I foudn out I was doing it all along.

^another question: wouldn't i be using both because i'm stressing the second to last syllable, but i'm also stressing the last syllable. i dunno.

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Originally Posted by .Nique.

^another question: wouldn't i be using both because i'm stressing the second to last syllable, but i'm also stressing the last syllable. i dunno.

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Yes, but nib didn't menton that because masculine ryhmes are the norm in verse, so he was feeding as if we already know that. No sense in pointing out the obvious or conventional rhymes, not at the level you are at in your writing, atleast. He did however mention your consonance, which is due to your weave of masculine and feminine patterns, the consonants just line up right.

This is how people should write in audio.

go audio nique.

you write like me.

what makes you think she doesn;t do audio?

This was definitely a good piece. It was probably bound from the topic and just the title of the piece, and I definitely wanted to read this one because everyone was speculating about it. I thought I'd give it a try. This was awesome man, I loved how you put this together with slick metaphorical rhyming, and great aspects all in all with the creativity, and I liked everything about it. Good multirhyming in this piece, and I can really see someone reading this at a poetry joint with great expression, and I just liked the realness of it. Good job.

nice shit nique.. a very solid piece.. the flow on this was insane.. i loved the peice begginning to end.. keep it up

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Speaking of God, this shit was undescribable.

man... this was dope as fuck... but reading the other feedbacks confused me. i'm not bisexual.. but whether it was feminine or masculine doesn't really matter - it was still fuckin sexy! not knowing the technical jargon just means I still have much to learn I guess. this topic isn't particually original - but the sarcastic tone you achieved added enough originality for me. your multi's & internals were cool as always. because i'm difficult, i've done my darndest to have a gripe with something, and here it is-

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Foolishness, cunts blinded cause their vision is bleeding,
Living a secret; Let's be Christians when religion's convenient!

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I imagined the "let's be christians when religions convenient" was dialouge of sorts so i would've put the quotation marks and it would've been 10x dopperrrr!!!!!!! not really - but huh! suck on that. you did this very well, keep it up. now you need to click this and tell me whether my rhyme scheme was feminine or manly (not really.. a general comment would be coolness though). pz!!