Road To Glory.

Road To glory.
Its been long and hard at times
Theres been many hills to climb
Sold some rhymes…here and there
Never had a breath of fresh air…
Maybe god will answer my prayer..
Or maybe not maybe im stuck left to rot
Ive always wanted to sell my first joint.
Wanted to be like eminem and get my points..
Thru music of course..to write ive never been forced..
Now its time for her to show remorse…
have gone thru pain…but now time to be sane..
take what ever I have and make it a sayin..
I dropped many things jus cause of my girl..
this aint about her its bout my choice,my world
If theres anything really good about life…
Its that feeling you get…when u use your first knife
now I know…that we are all here for something…
Cause some people deserve things and get nothing…
But I was offered my deal...now to sign and make it sealed..
wanna keep this…but my thoughts are spinnin like a wheel..
know do I want to do…stay here put up with the bullshit I go thru
I stayed once and it turned out as a mistake…
some times in life you gotta make choice u don’t wanna make…
These thoughts aint...fake ive givin it some really deep thought..
But stayin here has taught me a lot..
So im signing this…I don’t if its people im gonna miss…
leaving Friday that’s final...i jus wanna give her a final kiss

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...6&page=2&pp=15
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post4953167

this was a good piece - flow was great, structure was also very good, and emotion was there, even though there wasnt that much...

the topic was good, but i didnt like the way you went about it - not my style :) but others will dig it, so its all cool

you had a good source of multies, and you didnt force that many words in your piece aswell

overall// this was a good piece man, keep up the great work.

and drop some feed on our crews dope collab :P Armageddon

This was a whole lot better then your last one, though you should now start incorporating more detail through metaphors and personification. Furthermore, you should go more into detail use more adjectives and adverbs and beasically paint your words whilts you write. Overall, i liked this, your visual structure was aight and i enjoyed the rhymescheme, so yea stay up.
.
.
A few comments will be appreciated:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306927

thanks uppin..

The emotion was strong and the concept and lines you used stood out, but what you're missing is a better usage of words. This would have been so much stronger if you had a complex rhymescheme or a better vocabulary. Try making references to more interesting subjects like strange comparisons to make it more unique. You have potential so keep this kind of writing up.

meh...didnt like the structure...storyline is good...vocab really needs to improve...but overall good...ur wordplay was ok...didnt like some parts the flow was kinda choppy...but ur structure was the worse point...it was very up and down it hopped from short to long bar...really messed up flow...just up vocab...everything else ok...:thumbup:...keep it up...

not too bad.. you could probably do better if you put your mind to it !!

InSanity

this was decent i liked all the emotion, the topic, and the feeling you put into it it spoke to me in a way and really made the topic clear the emotion sounded as if you were really driving yourself to express it the thing i would have liked to see more of was the vocab and rhyme scheme sometimes simple works but i dont think it did as much with this you should change the rhyme scheme make everything a little more complex then post it again it would be ill i'ts decent now and it has a lot more potencial
leave feed on my om never changes

upp

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by .InSanity.

not too bad.. you could probably do better if you put your mind to it !!

InSanity

---

ur feed= :thumbsdow

hmmm ayoo

The ryme skheme seem'd basic or was that just me?
Besides that the flow was Wicked emotion was above average struc was good nuff
Try n work on makein our lines less perdicable thoe

Besides that this was in my mind a nice read
keep drop'n

N yea check my om too :) thx

yeah flow cudda been evened out a lil more. structure and format seemed ok tho maybe a bit forced which might lead to a cut in wording and flow standards......
had quite a few cool rhymes........ cud maybe do w/ lil more creative wordplay in between the lines to liven up the content...... i can sort of hear this in a DMX flow. also on similar tones of much of his raps........... so yeah mos def had some emotion in the joint. vocab was ok. depending on what you wanna do with a song i guess. coz an audio can have elevted vocab. but its not needed. a good song is a good song if delivered right.........
so yeah this peace had sum good parts in it, and was expressed well. could get a bit more creative and keep adding elements, perhaps working on 1 or 2 element elevations at a time

all in all was pretty Good


check this 1-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307199

Prettynice simple wording in it at the beginning...but yet so vivid. You had some cool signs of creative couplets at moments not the best you can do(I hope) really just need more imagery thought thats after the beginning I know u like to draw people in to read but keep them drawn until the climax of you're peice you have some potential as well...keep writing dj...

thanks for the feed
upp

Its been long and hard at times
Theres been many hills to climb
---> not the catchiest of openers
Sold some rhymes…here and there
Never had a breath of fresh air…
---> kind of repetitive of the first line.. like the concept
Maybe god will answer my prayer..
Or maybe not maybe im stuck left to rot
---> these two lines don't rhyme
Ive always wanted to sell my first joint.
Wanted to be like eminem and get my points..
---> getting into more detail, better
Thru music of course..to write ive never been forced..
Now its time for her to show remorse…
---> good rhyme scheme.. i like this bar
have gone thru pain…but now time to be sane..
take what ever I have and make it a sayin..
---> saw the rhyme you were goin before but doesn't work too well
I dropped many things jus cause of my girl..
this aint about her its bout my choice,my world
---> good
If theres anything really good about life…
Its that feeling you get…when u use your first knife
---> reword but good concept
now I know…that we are all here for something…
Cause some people deserve things and get nothing…
---> best bar so far
But I was offered my deal...now to sign and make it sealed..
wanna keep this…but my thoughts are spinnin like a wheel..
---> like this bar too, a lil too vague in the wording though
know do I want to do…stay here put up with the bullshit I go thru
---> maybe a typo, but doesn't really make sense, at least the 1st part, and watch structure .. keep structure consistent
I stayed once and it turned out as a mistake…
some times in life you gotta make choice u don’t wanna make…
---> good
These thoughts aint...fake ive givin it some really deep thought..
But stayin here has taught me a lot..
--->not a great rhyme scheme on these lines
So im signing this…I don’t if its people im gonna miss…
leaving Friday that’s final...i jus wanna give her a final kiss
---> good bar, conclusion is there

i liked this piece, wording was a little below average but the concept of struggling with a choice btw a loved one and a career was good; at times you were a little vague and running of course a bit, but most of the time you were on point and into what you were saying. you needed the last bar to i think really some up where you were going with this. but good piece as always dj

hmm thanks man...uppin

Its been long and hard at times - i dont wanna kno

this piece was gd, the main features were the flow and the rhyming
the emotion in this piece was also gd and that seems to be 1 of your strong points

keep writin

Quote:

---

If theres anything really good about life…
Its that feeling you get…when u use your first knife
now I know…that we are all here for something…
Cause some people deserve things and get nothing…
But I was offered my deal...now to sign and make it sealed..
wanna keep this…but my thoughts are spinnin like a wheel..
know do I want to do…stay here put up with the bullshit I go thru
I stayed once and it turned out as a mistake…
some times in life you gotta make choice u don’t wanna make…
These thoughts aint...fake ive givin it some really deep thought..
But stayin here has taught me a lot..
So im signing this…I don’t if its people im gonna miss…
leaving Friday that’s final...i jus wanna give her a final kiss

---

This part of your drop had me thinkin and thinkin and thinkin and thinkin
...i dont know what to say ya know i just felt this shit from the heart...
this whole drop was reference to your feelings about makin it...and thats sumthin
thats heart felt...that every emcee dreams about...nowadays image overrides skill but'
i personally feel if u keep doin yaself aint no fake goin hold you back...this shit is a
must read to all emcees...the feelin in it was just overall the real deal...i enjoyed this piece forreal...good work...and thats one of the reasons we gotta collab...