Printable View
YungVik vs. YoungLadie
Ok Young, I'm setting this by your rules.
30+ lines
House rules
no d/r, crew, hate votes
10 to check
Due anytime by Friday
Topics:
Bad Girl
A Kid's Worst Nightmare
Lifeless Person
Fatherless Daughter
Soul Searching
In The Ghetto
500+ to vote
Let's Go
Check. Good luck Symone.
Ok check.
vik...since u said cho ppl in da hospital da new extension date
is monday at 4pm that shuld be enuf
Change of plans Symone, I'll be dropping my verse today.
Going Undercover: Posing As A Bad Girl
This Isn't An Easy Job...
...But Nothing Else Is
A Split Second Changed My Life...
It's been three days, but I've turned into a hardened criminal
My life looks bleak and empty, and all seems disimal
What happened as an argument, turned into a lawsuit
They booked and fingerprinted me, and was quick to boot
Yes, I was mad, but what I said wasn't intentional
But her part in this wasn't even mentionable
In under a week, I went from a child to an inmate
Because of my stupidity, I fell and took the bait
Is this a dream, because I haven't gone anywhere
If so, please wake me up from this horrible nightmare!
Reflecting On It...
I've been looking at these gray walls, and I'm driving insane
I've done nothing but think, and you haven't felt my pain
I sit and stare into nowhere, no one to calm my fear
And then I wonder, why the hell am I here?
She got a year, but I recived a whopping three
And I asked, and they said "That's how it has to be"
I'm mistaken as a "Bad Girl", but that isn't my lifestyle
I'll never gain my persona back, though I'm in denial
I think, would I change anything if I could go back?
No, I don't regret a thing: Which is the one trait I lack
Coming To Grips...
As the days tick away, this room has rotted my mind
And the life is gone, squeezed out in a tight bind
I was thrown into a hole, forever in darkness
I said I could prevail, but could you embark this?
Eaten by maggots, roaches crawling on my body
It's been 4 years, but that memory will still haunt me
But it's over now, and I can put away my past
But not entirely, because these thoughts will still last
Looking back, I'm upset about it, because I ruined a "pearl"
But I'm not aplogizing for anything, because that's life as a "Bad Girl"
...I always wanted to know what it was like, because I was curious
But now that I've been there, I never want to feel that experence...
-Vikkie
Nice Vik nice...I liked this one
Fatherless Daughter
Every night I wonder what it feels like being held by a man
Night after night hearin my friends shout love ya dad...
.....and why?.......................I could never understand
My mom always told me that was something I could never do
And with that being said I was constantly confused
I felt as if my heart was bein misused
Having a father whose daughter he never knew
I heard of everlasting pain but I never thought it was true
It was Hard for me growing up in the Streets
Everyday I watched Girls get beat
Beat by the one they called Father
But to me...What I saw didn't bother
Bother what I dreamed...Or what I wanted
But I could never have it so I was constantly haunted
I remember those days I cried myself to sleep
After Rereading the letter from my Father stating why he hated me
Quote:
What I'm about to say dont take personally
It's not you..... it's more like it's me
I don't want you for a child, we could never be
I hate everything about you can't you see?
Why don't you just drop dead and end our misery?
Just kill yourselff...I mean seriously
I don't want a daughter
You don't have a father
Your a fatherless daughter...a loner...a bastard
But if you die now you can live to be with your master
Those very words killed me inside
No longer this dreaded pain I could hide
Not one person could I find...to run and confide
So to myself I continuesly lied
"He loves you and he is coming back
Don't worry about it, your his girl and thats a fact"
People look at me as a damsel in distress
No...That's not the case...I just need this man to carress
Carress and hold me tight and let me know I'm his little girl
Telling me I'm the only thing that matters in this forbidden world
I guess my prayers God misinterpreted
I asked< See I even quoted itQuote:
To have a father
Now I'm being drafted into this horrible place called life
I thought it was over because I thought I paid the price
By my father I was cruelly crucified
I'm just another guilt stricken fatherless daughter
Whose heart was manipulated and then slaughtered
So I'll be the one to end the misery
And yet I'll do it ever so easily
So No longer will my heart render any more pain...
Because I'm done playing this Fatherless game
sorry...some of the lines got streched and didnt come out how i wanted...
I asked "To have a father" < See I even quoted it
Edit** that wasnt supposed to be quoted like that...just quote martations...
So please overlook that one...
uppin.
Uppin 1
this was good
.....i'll prolly vote lata on, i dont feel like puttin all that shit down to even consider votin...
.......still not sure on who one yet
uppin 2
LOL youre supposed to at least write about the same TOPIC! AHAHA. How the fuck do you expect people to actually vote on this? Yungvik will win because her name is slightly less played out than YoungLadie lol.
Um nobuddy...She wanted to do different topics...Thats wat we agreed on...so um yea and wtf does name have to do with anything...ok anyways
uppin 3
uppin 2.
uppin 4....wtf at the views but no votes :|
Vik- Your verse was decent at best, there was nothing too showy about your verse. I liked the fact that it was to the point, but there was no complexity, no underlying meaning, nothing really to keep me reading except that I wanna have the 1st vote. :) Other than that, I saw your vocab was there, but some of it didn't fit. such as embark, it's not a synonym for endure, and things like that make your verse seem very newbish, Like your trying to stick words where they don't belong. This verse was decent, but you could have done better with the topic, not that the story was bad...or the topic, just the approach seems original, nothing too creative. Still a decent verse, but you should work on your material.
Ladie- your verse lacked complexity as well. It was also a decent verse, but nothing too showy about it. Your verse didn't have the vocabulary Viks did, nor the flow. Your strucutre was about equal, but the story and topic seemed better in your story. Although your approach was just as original and non-creative as Viks. You should probably work on the vocabulary a bit, and then work on the complexit of your story, have a twist on the ending or something. And don't repeat yourself too much, or give yourself away, before the end. And the quotes, I'd like to say nice job too...but the father's part was harsh and cruel, and I refuse to believe a father would ever say that to his daughter..it could happen but it's unlikely..try to keep it a bit more realistic.
Both of you had decent verses, and you could both still use a lot of work. Read more OM's, and use the cypher I guess. This is a close battle but I think the edge is with vikkie for better usage of vocabulary, and a more realistic verse. It's no hate to either of you, and I don't want you to think that's what this was. It was a critical review to help you two grow topically. :2thumb:
v/Vikkie
hit a link in my sig plz.
kk thx for the vote
and actually its only half of a real letter...b/c my best friends
father wrote that to her...so yea it was true lol
but yea uppin this...
Thank You. uppin 3.
i think youngladie had betta rhymes and betta structure then da otha person................... .................................................. .....
^ it's a good thing you can't poll that unexplained vote you fag. uppin 4.
sum heavy lyrics but i givin it a vote 2 both of you as i fink ya was evenly matched!!
thnx uppin
this is how I'm gonna put it
YungVik-You did really good in this battle but theres a couple of things you need to work on.For one upp your vocabulary cuz in your piece the vocabulary seem too simple.The other thing try to use some multis it will make your piece sound better.But overall your piece was pretty good.You had real good Imagry cuz when I read your piece I could picture what was going on in your piece.And the emotion was pretty strong but I think you need to try to get deeper with it.And your structure was good but your vocabulary needs to be upp some cuz alot of the vocabulary was basic.
YoungLadie-You did good in this battle but I felt that you could have went deeper with your emotion in your piece.Not saying you did bad its just I couldn't really feel the emotion alot in your piece.And also you need to upp your vocabulary too.Your Imagry was pretty good.Your structure was aight.But I would try to use some multis every once in a while cuz sometimes it makes the piece sound better.
To both people-Yall both did good in this battle but yall need to upp your game a lil bit.Yall should go look at some of the writers pieces that are in the SS league and get an idea of a strong piece cuz it will really help yall out cuz it has helped me out at times and helped me Improve on my writing.
but after reading both pieces in this battle I came up with a final descion and Yungvik gets my vote
vote/Yungvik
Vik- You did really good although i still do not believe u have reached your full potential. Your structure and the overall layout of your piece was on point but i think u could have slightly expanded your vocabulary. Also i think that your imagery could have been better because i can see what your capable of
youngladie- I think you did pretty good in this 1 also but as i told vik u need to expand on your vocabulary and imagery but i think your downfall was your flow and structure, it was sorta choppy but was still a pretty good piece
v/YungVik
YV-...hey good delivery and structure...ur approach was pretty advanced and thats prolly why ur in Hidden Talent (*Round Of Applause*)...but also i want u to realize that i promote the wording u use match your structure more through...next time aim for larger words to make a bigger impact...good job...
YL-Hey Ladie i liked your words used and expressions that seemed from the heart but ur structure has to b evened along with a different font to give a formal look to your topical...with those qualities u'll get better reads and more votes...trust me...structure and font r the first thing an eye catches before the words used whether anyone admits it or not...so make sure ur drop stands out from the opponents' drop...overall i liked wat u said and how u said it...
*No Voting Becuz YV is not only in the squad BUT...i aint got 500 posts...lol but there is feed for the two lovely ladies...props and gd work on yall thing...it wasnt a bad topical battle at all
I thought YoungLadie was good actually i think she expressed somethin that never really happend make u belive it if u look in her little virtual reality i think she was empressive not 2 be sexist or anythin but i nva thought girls could rap that good!!!!
No effence sorry gals i just didnt think girls were into rappin so the dont do practise so that was really good i like YoungLadie u have more 2 enjoy because there more 2 enjoy from he endless rappin but i dont think either were good at Dissing each other i thought in rappin you had 2 Diss each other, dont you?????
youngladie DQd for over upping