My Psychic Ability. feat Pakaveli..!

1st verse Vor
2nd verse Pak


My Psychic Ability


Grasping the Spiritual identity,
Grafting to an ethereal entity,
Laughing at lies & devils tempting me,
I foresee the upcoming century.
*
Possibly, since age three I’ve been able to see spooky sights,
Must’ve been four, or five, before joining parallels w/ poltergeists…
Swimming in dicey rivers, icy shivers rushing thru slick spine cords,
Illness filling my pores as time Lords enact crimes w/ shined swords,
I find words buried behind earth in a mind growing shoots, bearing fruits;
Swearing truth is the lone proof needed to raise GOD-fearing youths,
I knew all of this would happen; unfortunately - I never know when?
Feels like it’s not me writing; something outside me motivates my pen,
Every now and again - I Hate all men for what they’re about to do;
Women too, your plans are visible, nobodies safe in my point-of-view,
Hoping I’d weaken; forget sneaking, I focus foes from miles-away…
Lost in a world of dreaming, scheming how to lead my profile astray,
Vibes inside my genes incite thoughts crystallized by sunbeams…
Mesmerized in scenes that materialize as I visualize the unseen,
Cold sweats on dark mornings, hearing various voices whisper warnings,
Often I forget the importance that this sixth sense is supporting.
*
Grasping the Spiritual identity,
Grafting to an ethereal entity,
Laughing at lies & devils tempting me,
I foresee the upcoming century.
*
A puppet in the hands that grasp at my bloody glands,
Strands of DNA slowly sieve into scattering sands,
I pry into matters that seem out of control, I hold;
Slip down and dip into a bloody hall, my dreams fold,
I arrogantly arrange numbers to form a simple equation:
333 men double to represent the current situation.
I tower upon beings that cowardly crawl under my skin,
In the beginning I found joy to grimace at my so-called kin,
Related to my life the knife bent at the sight of my eyes,
Like Matilda I lifted objects and adversaries flew in fright.
Raised a GOD-fearing youth, awed at the sight of a booth;
A booth containing contaminated germs from a tooth,
Of a higher entity, saying simply it was a brothel entirely,
Don’t wonder, as I wonder how I see through opaque walls,
Hear calls from invisible allies, looping motions of grand falls,
Therefore, afraid I sit and curl the braid of the barmaid,
Words drop in ink-lets, join as an anklet that’s links don’t fade.
Words drop in ink-lets... and chains of anklets are made
I write an ending to the never-ending saga of lies…
Surprised that when your dreaming how fast time flies,
*
Grasping the Spiritual identity,
Grafting to an ethereal entity,
Laughing at lies & devils tempting me,
I foresee the upcoming century.
*
*
*

linkages-
1- http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303386
2- http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303144

i dont usually check this section out but everytime i do im amazed like it's the first time...

i'm not sure how to rate these pieces, but i'd give this a 10/10... i sung this out loud and it just flowed until this line:

"Raised a GOD-fearing youth, awed at the sight of a booth;
A booth containing contaminated germs from a tooth,"

which kinda messed up the flow... but it picked up again after that...

i would quote favorite lines but the whole thing is amazing..

keep doing exactly what you're doing that was an amazing writeup ;)

Preciate it, thanks.

Vortex, that was sickasfuckkkkk... the vocabulary, the way it strung in with the inner, and the rhyme scheme was just very well put togethter... you spelled thru like that, which seemed unprofessional.. just spell it normally.. it wont change the flow. also solo proof seemed to flow better if it were lone proof... the second to last bar was a bit choppy for some reason.. but nice job nonetheless..

PAkman.... you had shorter lines.. but your flow was almost the same as vtexs... which made thisa very interesting read.. the vocabualary was decent, and the random inners made this pieece that much better.. you had some great concepts in there... for instance.. t he bar about anklets/inklets, 333 men, and how bouth of yuo.. incoroprated godfearing youth in both verses... good way to end the verse as well.. the hook was very good as well.. it was a solid stanza and was bolded to catch the eye of readers and ade a good start for a good verse... rookie of the month IMO!well maybe not rookie, i guess..

vortex, hit up Pencil Sharpener/

Thanks appreciate the deatiled comments, stay up.

yeah thanx for that information soulstice. yeah i think that second to last line maybe got a bit choppy coz of the abuse of aliterations or something. ha


word!

wow... im awestruck... that was amazing you two very nice work here... the topic was in a way original, but none the less very interesting. you two worked very well together and this piece turned out outstanding.. i am not a big fan of hooks usually but yours was very intelligent and fit nicely.

Vortex-Your vocabulary was outstanding... you used nice descriptive words to aid your already outstanding imagry... the multis in your verse i think was the strongest point and displayed probably the best use of multis i have seen in ages. The structure and flow was good but your flow fell off here and there, i noticed it a bit in the end.. The emotion in the piece was alright, but could have been put together a bit better. I think the thing you lacked the most, though it was still not bad, was metaphorical usage and wordplay.. try and work on that for your next piece..

Pak- Very nice verse aswell.. where Vortex lacked something you made up for it... your verse was very... "abstract"... lol.. lots of metaphors and wordplay which was very good to see.. you had a decent use of vocab like usual, very intelligent descriptive words and your structure and flow was consistent throughout... your emotion stood out to me more than Vortext but both were pretty good... I saw that you attempted some multis, and they were good but were no comparison to the multis in Vortexs verse... it seems like what one of you lacked the other one did an outstanding job on it... all in all pak good verse

Nice work you guys i look forward to reading a collab from you two again.. and if you wouldnt mind, hit up I Want To Walk The Stage ft. Issue if you have a minute. thanks.

Preciate the extensive comments, checked all linkages.

I just re-red this u guys.. i think this is more than HoF worthy.. i might nominate.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ta2_tears

I just re-red this u guys.. i think this is more than HoF worthy.. i might nominate.

---

well thats appreciated that you find new thigns in every read...thansk for the consideration, stay up....also i've checked your om, i editied the post i already had.

uppin

Vortext- You really blew me away with your descriptions. Your vocab is very amazing and your wording is quite unique. I liked the sense that you came with at this topic, you really hit it on point. the flow was nice, but more than that the imagery was very much felt by me and more than likely everyone else who voted too.

Pak- The way you write is smooth and fluid. I really enojy that. I can easily find emotion in your wirttens. I like the fact that you use such great imagery and vocab and with the way you word things, it's just an amazing combination. Some parts of it were "abstract" like someone has already said, but I think those parts were almost necessary to contrast from the way you had been wrting to show different styles.

Excellent job boys. Not HoF worthy to me, but i do beleive Rookie of the Month is in the near future, even though you are not rookies!

*Second link in my sig PLEASE*

Thanks appreciate your comments.

i really enjoyed this piece, it was a very smooth read and kept me interested all the way through.

vortex-the way you incorporate the heavy vocab without losing the flow is dope, i thought the vocab selection was perfect for the piece, rhyme scheme was good cause it made it easier to read, altho there was a time or two where i had to read a line twice it was just about perfect.

pakaveli-pak your lines were shorter than vortex but you did not lose anything you came dope as well with the vocab and flow. your imagery was sick as well, that goes for both of you.

i never really read anything from either of you before but now i will definatly peep your shit in the future.

Thanks it's appreciated.

ok this piece was very well written by both and I loved it.Imagery and creativity was fuckin amazing and you both pulled it off excellently.Nice job on that.

Vortex-You wrote some seriously good shit here and you were so descriptive with your writing which made it so real to me.The flow of the piece went very well and it was a plesure to read.The flow muight have fell of once or twice but other than that is was excellent writing.Well done vortex and keep it up.

Pak-ok Pak like I said to Voretex......that was some dope shit.You continue to drop dope pieces all the time and it is great to watch.Your emotion within the piece was really very good and you displayed it through your excellent discriptive writing.Metas were great to read and really added to the piece



Keep this up guys.Really good read and I loved it.You should collab again,because you write with similar styles.

-Dyl

thanks, preciate the comments na mean..stay up.

Vortex. Thin you dope because you do 4 lines every verse? Well those were some nice 4 lined verses. The wordplay came well from both along with Rhyme Skeme. The flow went well due to great wordplay and well rhyme skeme. The creativty and imagary was nice. The story plot was wonderful. Over all great OM. 9-10 Keep writing guys.

~LeX

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Leximus

Vortex. Thin you dope because you do 4 lines every verse? Well those were some nice 4 lined verses. The wordplay came well from both along with Rhyme Skeme. The flow went well due to great wordplay and well rhyme skeme. The creativty and imagary was nice. The story plot was wonderful. Over all great OM. 9-10 Keep writing guys.

~LeX

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Preciate the coments, but what that about

Lol I was just messing around. You know me man lol.

this was a nice piece...good flow and vocab..alright mettas and multies....keep this kind of shit up..not a bad pieace
overall-9/10
......nice drop

thanks for the comments.

I think that Vortex brought it very strong in the first six lines or so, and then he got less dope with his verse, personally. It started very strong with great stringing rhyme schemes and language and really got me into this to start with. I think it was just so good, I thought, that it kind of overshadowed the second part of your verse, which I do not think was as well constructed. But I think a really good side of you came out in the beginning and you had fire for a minute there.

Pak, your verse was more consistent, but I don't think you ever quite had a line or series of lines that particularly impressed me or made me say "Wow," to the point the beginning was for me. I think you did manage to end it well, and I liked the little 333 phrase about being doubled for men, clever, but I think you need to take ideas like that and use better word choices to be sure they sound better.

Keep writing, I liked this, I suppose not so much as some others giving feedback, a lot of people really seem to like this collab, but me personally, I think I've liked some other things you've done better then this, Pak.

Preciate the comments and pointers, thanks

Wow...this was just an amazing piece.

Vortex- Your verse was a great way to start an this om, your vocabulary was to another level, your rhyme-scheme was incredible, your piece flowed vibrantly throughout the whole drop, you had very strong multis throughout your verse, you had extremely strong emotion, every line was just amazing, your verse was also very interesting, you kept me reading the whole time, you stayed on point, you never trailed off, you put everything in great order from start to finish, your verse was near flawless, you had some really standout lines in it all too

Swimming in dicey rivers, icy shivers rushing thru slick spine cords,
Illness filling my pores as time Lords enact crimes w/ shined swords,

This was by far my favorite line of yours, your whole verse was worded very nicely, good job.

Pakaveli- I knew it was going to be hard to match up with his verse, but you did, you picked up right where he left off, in flow, and talent, and you did it in much shorter lines, your verse really had multis and metaphors galore, it was outstanding, the emotion in your drop was great too, you also stayed on track, and I think that your verse was a great ender to the om, you really did a nice job with wording, and explaining every line in-directly, start to finish, your verse was a great read, I did enjoy yours a little more than Vortex's, just because your last four lines really gave this whole piece a legendary like status, and feeling too it

Words drop in ink-lets, join as an anklet that’s links don’t fade.
Words drop in ink-lets... and chains of anklets are made

Your strongest line by far, I thought this line made your verse as good as it actually was, good drop man, good job.

This collab was great, you guys worked very well together, you picked a great topic, pak picked up where vor. left off, it was incredible, this was a great read, big props. to both of you, I look forward to reading more, Great om.

If either of you could return the favor, on my piece "Killers Metabolism", that'd be great
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304140
thanks.

Preciate the extenise comments, i'll check ya linkage before the end of the day an eman...stay up

yeah f'sho. thanx a lot for those extensive feeds.

ill try hit up sum mo ya'll piecesreal soon

pz

edit

btw i also fixed up the flow on those couple lines. changed a couple words.

Lets collab hoe face. :love:

who u talking to peanut head

Both gave the reader a good read. Vocab was outstanding. It' really left emotion and imager stick out to the reader, it' let them grasp it better. Wording and the rhyme scheme was average like alway's, very nice. The idea of this was a extremly demanding choice, nice to. The hook?, i guess you could say, was good.

-Mc Mystique

thanks appreciate it.

yeah cheers
bumps

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