Swallowing My Pride

his is my verse from my first topical with Thomas


Swallowin My Pride by Phonte

they say a real man admits his mistakes well here i am
i guess im goin to have to swallow my pride and be the better man
no matter how much i hate to do this it seems only fitting
i know it was my fault, and to blame it on u who am i kidding?
since you walked out after the fight, ive done some soul searching
and i guess i can only say i need u in my life without you my souls hurting
my souls burning, so it is equal to the flames of hell constantly hot
your friends, they say u have moved on, im hoping you've not
because i would be an emotional wreck, deeply hit with anguish and pain
i feel it in my veins, without you i can safely say that ill never be the same
the words that i am tell you are the truth, i havent slept since you left
and sice im becoming a man, it is safe for me to tell you that i wept
i thought you were my soul mate, but a silly fight broke us a part
tell me what in hell can i do i cant seem to mind my broken heart
i havent even left my house, all i've been doing is wallowin inside
hoping that this may get you back cant you see im swallowin my pride
as much as it hurts me, i guess this is what it takes to show you ive changed
cuz i think ive gone crazy since i cant smell your scent, without you im goin insane
if you dont want to come back i guess i'll always just be missin you
but i cant give up now i love you too much, giving up wont fix the thing you do
the way you comfort me, make me feel safe even though i know im in danger
the way youve became my best friend, but still to me youre a stranger
the way your touch hasnt faded, i cant still feel you massagin my back
it seems like our souls are on a path to collidin, can you atleast prevent that
see your lovin is like a drug, so im guess to you i was nothing but a junkie
sitting there waitin anixiously for the single that you would say you love me
and once it came, i couldnt get enough of it, i just had to have more
so please just except my apologize, atleast do it once more
they say a real man admits his mistakes well here i am
i guess im goin to have to swallow my pride and be the better man

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uppin for more feedback

any one

is anyone going to leave feedback

nice stuff here homie. you flowed on topic and shit. ok topic i guess.
saw some spelling flaws in there like this one:
i thought you were my soul mate, but a silly fight broke us a part
tell me what in hell can i do i cant seem to mind my broken heart

2nd line, mind should be mend. but it's all good. overall 7.5/10

eh...this was pretty damn good...i was feeling the topic...good rhyme scheme throughout..nice multies...flow was on point continuesly throughout....imagery and vocab was nice as well.....and overall i really liked this...keep it up homie....

haha thanks fam

I would say this was a great piece I mean nice multies but could use some work on the length of the lines they were a bit streched and some bars lacked creativity you must feel your topic more in order to take a full impact with it and be able to write at full potential and you have to put more imagery in at the center of yout verse but overall a pretty impressive read from you the best I've seen yet.

that good to hear

First of all, thanks for commenting on my piece. This was well done, although at points in lost it's edge. I didn't think the first line was very good, and that can really ruin a rhyme right from the get-go; it's gotta be fire out of the gates for me.

And don't worry about moving on from whatever relationship you were in. We all think it's love at 15, man, believe me. And even if it really was love, you don't just get one girl to fall in love with, man. Another one comes along eventually, usually when you don't expect it and maybe you need to be single for a while and get independent of that desire for companionship. We all wanna be loved, but it's good to not be addicted to it, that can really cripple you and cause you to make some very poor decisions.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Engivale

First of all, thanks for commenting on my piece. This was well done, although at points in lost it's edge. I didn't think the first line was very good, and that can really ruin a rhyme right from the get-go; it's gotta be fire out of the gates for me.

And don't worry about moving on from whatever relationship you were in. We all think it's love at 15, man, believe me. And even if it really was love, you don't just get one girl to fall in love with, man. Another one comes along eventually, usually when you don't expect it and maybe you need to be single for a while and get independent of that desire for companionship. We all wanna be loved, but it's good to not be addicted to it, that can really cripple you and cause you to make some very poor decisions.

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it wasnt a real life piece. it was for a topical battle n the topic wa Swallowing my Pride

oh. LoL.

Still, that's some advice from my heart man, just think about it. Girls kinda tend to come and go for most of us for a while. Real lucky ones might choose right the first or second time, though. But if it does screw up in a year, or two, it means it couldn't probably be a lifelong thing so screw it.

well nice mix my dude flow with emotion nice...some people try it but turn out to make a ool out of them selves but you pulled it off well...i mean you had your con's but also you had your pro's so big ups for that.

first work on vocab...get more creative on it and learn more when to breaka sentence and when to continue a storyline.

nice my dude!
RTF on the first or last link in my sig!

elevate.

ummm was that ur feedback

Closed. Your feedback is horrible.