Another Day. - ft. Cry

Another Day.
By: Infamouz. & Cry

Infamouz.- Fist 2 day's.
Cry- Last Day

There will alway's be another soldier dead as the day's go by..
.. & they will all be remembered & NEVER forgotten, in our heart's.

Soldier's Diary - Day 6.
No turning back now, when you've come to far to fair.
While some wish upon death, as there restless in despair.
Time flair's, as i peek the horizon of the mourning sun.
Another day of life, thinking of what wonder's will come.
My heart run's, it beat's somberly with no internal reason.
For war is treason, knowing that it's the begginig of kill season.
Hard, fighting men have died, for no individual point at all.
Bodies scattered, not knowing if you will be the next to fall.
Soldier's crawl, some with no remorse, which is often expected.
Seeing that no one care's for you, many feeling very neglected.
Now the time has come, prepared for it all, as I pier around slow.
Knowing it will shatter many more soul's, but continuing I will go...


Soldier's Diary - Day 12.
It has come down to Many soldier's, brutally tortured & killed.
Even the very skilled, got consumed as they swarmed the field's.
Danger filled, not a very pleasant pressence came with in me.
Some envy, there is nothing I can do, so future I look forward to see.
I wish I can be joyfull & glee. But all I'm feeling is pain & sorrow.
While I strive for the best. Fight for today, to try & live for tomorow.
Our weapon's are borrowed, & we strive for nothing but the best.
Showing other's the stress, while we prove to be nothing less.
We do this for us, our trust, our country & no one can have doubt.
Drifted through many clout's, but for US we show what were about.
Now it's Another Day prepared for it all, as I pier around slow.
Knowing it will shatter many more soul's, but continuing I will go...


Soldier's Diary - Day 18. Last Day.
.. & Yet another day full of sarrow. mournful screams of tomorrow
It seems that the day we leave our sins behind, is a day jesus barrows
It's hard though .. the guns blazing & the hazing of fog in between
The scene is far from the greatest of things one would've ever seen
We try to be redeemed ..the soldiers & I. but we're left in mudholes
Left so silent and suddle to cry. wonder why our families haven't written
It doesn't seem fittin` to be missin` our family already, but we stay steady
Because as grenades & bombs drop, we know where our lives are heading
Our lives are heading, like the tops of stories. an introduction to a world
Our plans are unfirrled like the blankets covering us are folded & currled
We march away, but instead of feet we lay head to heels on our backs
We feel relapsed through time, the sweet sublime reaches the flask ..
Pour & stack the drinks ..because we celebrate as soldiers now ..you'd think
& as our bodies lay under the black tarp like sheets, our families don't blink
The brink of ashes, the bloody masses, bodies piled atop one another ..
We were soldiers, we belonged to families, & the United States was our brother


There will alway's be another soldier dead as the day's go by..
.. & they will all be remembered & NEVER forgotten, in our heart's.
http://img1.imagetitan.com/img1/1/22...n_terminal.jpg

Link's from Cry & myself:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300869
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...839#post4718839

nicely done and to see as you didnt wanan collab with me its koo though....well love the imagery and the complexity is real nice my dude.....couldnt get anybetter than this my dude....both cam well equipped and prepared my dude really strong piece right here with good multies and imagery and metas nice read very interesting


RTF on the link in my sig

This was quite good i liked the flow of all the verses. The whole aspect of diary style writing was interseting and aisthetically correct. The imager, as in description was done very well but i wanted to see more abstract metaphors, ah well...except that i enjoyed both the writers styles as they fully complimented each other and done what i believe, is good justcie to the topic. Stay up

First two days - Were good openers. The Content could have contained more and a little more imagery in the first day, but the imagery picked up in the second. They both contained pretty good vocabulary. There wasnt much of a story but we understood what was going on. Could have more imagery of what was going on and a ltitle more emotion about how you feel and what you see.
Last Day - A lot of imagery which fixed up the little that wasnt there in the beginning. Both flowed well together. The last day pretty much sumed everything up. Very nice closer. Keep at it.

Thank's for the feed..

word thanks for the feed.

cool peice nigglets, you two are coming along quite nicely with topicals i'd say, allthought i dont know all that much about them, just my thoughts aye.. hah.. but yea i felt the topic you guys used was good, and the way you went about it, infamous - your first 2 were quite nice, coulda used a bit of imagery in the first verse, but you made up for it in the 2nd.. vocab was arlight, aswell as the flow... wasnt much of a story.. but yeah.. could of done with a little more emotion also i felt.. but overall pretty nice... CRY- your verse was also pretty decent, i felt where infamous lacked in the emotion and imagery department you picked up in, so that sorta balanced the whole peice out so to speak, i prolly liked the last day the most out of the three days, it summed it up, and it was a good closer to the peice... good stuff.

Yeah the ending is the best part to write on. Lol.. Anyway's thank's for the feed though.

Uppin this for more feed please..

Wow at this piece with no more feed..

Up..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pakaveli

This was quite good i liked the flow of all the verses. The whole aspect of diary style writing was interseting and aisthetically correct. The imager, as in description was done very well but i wanted to see more abstract metaphors, ah well...except that i enjoyed both the writers styles as they fully complimented each other and done what i believe, is good justcie to the topic. Stay up

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I'll preciate it if you could check my new OM, thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301685

Ok, will do when I get the chance.

thanks for feed all ..

bumps.

Quote:

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Our lives are heading, like the tops of stories. an introduction to a world

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^^ loved that single line... dont kno y really but i just did

amazing piece by the both of you... it was well put together and well planned out and both of your verses seemed to fit together.

Infamouz.- Your verses were top notch my friend... The strongest point in my mind was the consistent and fluent flow to your piece and i dont think that it fell off once. the structure was bold and strong, it looked very nice... the rhymescheme was regular but it was well done... the rhymes were all complex and difficult and your multis were present for the most part.. the vocabulary was amazing and it really aided on the imagry... i saw good metaphors in your verses and a nice use of wordplay... the thing i think you need to work on most is your emotion, because you didnt seem to go too deep into that piece... all in all good work tho and amazing drop

Cry- Cry my man way 2 rep The Reunion son.. For what Infamouz lacked in emotion you made up for it because your verse seemed very deep to me... your unique rhymescheme was amazing, and all your rhymes were complex and difficult and it truly displayed your true talent. multis were present and consistent and you kept the ball rolling with some of those complex multis which is really food 2 c.. Vocabulary was outstanding and the imagry was vivid and spectacular... i think your strongest point in this piece was the wordplay and the cleverness behind your piece... though the thing i think you did poorly on was the flow believe it or not... a few lines were worded wrong and it just caused confusion and it effected your flow greatly so work on that for next time... all in all you did very well cry and you should be proud of your work here.

Nice job you two and if you could i would greatly appreciate it if you left feed on my OM Falling ?... thanks and good drop.

Ok thank's nice feed. Much appreciated. I will leave feed but when I get the chance, ok.

Up..

I liked the story telling. It was nice. I saw some emotion but not tons, it was still pretty good though. Imagery was decent, vocabulary was ok. It was an alright piece in my opinion, not the best I've seen. I thought it could have been better if you ditched the diary idea though. To me the piece loses it's reality when i see someone rhyming in their diary, especially in a time like that when their would have been plenty of scatterbrained thoughts..... It was a great idea, but couldv'e been improved. Pretty good job though.

-I.

this is quite ill .... this piece is like jhood piece the concept really, but jus a different topic. i felt the structure it flowed real well with the vocabulary. but i felt cry had nore emotion in his part but both did a great job...keepp writing fams

Thank's for the feed everyone. Leave link's & I will get back at them.

thanks ya'll.

Last Up..

Infamouz- Meh. I really felt your parts were lagging on. Like the 1st and 2nd verse were almost identical in story, although I thought you had some weak lines, some phrases caught my attention, I really felt a rotten dreery mood coming from your verse, and it didn't seem to merge together with the sorrowfull/all is lost persona Cry's verse took.

Cry- I thought your verse was stronger, prlly cause it got deeper into the story, but I enjoyed some of your lines, the story one was tight. I Like the monotone style of it, but I think you could have brought it together with more of an impact -twists in the story, etc.

Overall, this was a solid read..
Stay up

RTF |The Devil May Testify|

Peace.

Thank's for your feed. Much appreciated.