-
The Demon Within'
Ta2_tears
NYisBack
I listen so closely, whispers so ghostly, what is this insisting existance that controls me?
for i am the demon within, controllin ur sin, mostly the one killin u slowly
My sickness consoling, in quickness patroling, whats the explanation for my insanity?
i am the controller of all, settin' u up for the fall, not a religious soul, so i destroy christianity
"Oh the fucking humanity", I curse with profanity, be gone! Rid of you're evil will
stop with the cursing, u will force me to kill, how can u talk with such anger to sumthing thats merely real
This is clearly real! Or I am severly ill, this can't be true, have I turned crazy?
i would have to say yes see, and with this soul ur so deadly, only way to rid it is to grow up and face me
Heart pacing, mind racing, is there any way I can struggle to fight it?
My wicked soul delited, prepare u for fightin, ready for some real excitement?
A woman stands infront of me, I watch her ass from behind but a force is graspin my mind
and now ur heart's beatin' slow too, u want that ass dont u, look she's givin' u signs
My lust with this demon combined, I go to reach for her yet trying to struggle the urge
ur subtle's ubserd, reach out once more, try it again, let your demons emerge
Her muffled slurrs formed puzzled words of screams, as my hand covered her lips
Attack the bitch, lash and whips, leave her clothes full of rips
She smacks and hits, I dont want to but I am full of this sick need to rape
remove her drapes, ignore her screams of rape, block her paths, N ways of escape
Legs spread she was helpless and hopeless, yet still I filled her voilently
u did it, suprisingly, but for ur last task finally, you'll kill her so silently
My heart stopped at those words. I dont think I can do it. I am not capable
u did all the rest, and i put u to the test, but now im ashamed of u
You have to be playing dude! I dont kno if I can take another human life
she'll snitch if u dont fool, for less evidence u could use a knife
In the persuing strife I gazed down at her, all battered and bruised
jus look at the clues, i am demandin' u, if u dont, u will get sued
He was right, she was practically dead, but to finish her off, the thought was chilling
suck it up be a man, change from frowns to now grinning, lets end this shit, now on with the killing
Emotions spilling, though I did the horrible deed and left with no feeling of sin
No remorse, am I a bad person? of course not, its "THE DEMON WITHIN"
-
-
aight this was pretty good. trhe use of multies were very good and it helped the flow along alot. the set up of the structure must-ve toook forever pming/aiming back and forth too eachother, so yeh its pretty good.. some felt a bit forced though.. try working on that, as well as the rhyme scheme, which was a little decent than i expected... overall keep at it.. try to keep the flow consistent as well.. it was all over the place
hit up my piece of work "Tomborrow"
-
-
straight hot
Ny..you had a nice flow with the bars you did
very deep shit..i liked the vocab and wordplay
keep this shit up..
tears..you had a nice flow..your bars were also hot
really nice flow and mettas
yak boith had multies
overall=19/20
this was a hot drop..i liked everything on this..keep this kind of shit up...way to go yal..
-
thanks soulstice and phade... and i agree with u soul, this piece was mainly for NY's elevation for it's his 3rd topical and i was trying to familiarize him with multis and how to react to the bars that i set up for him... and in my mind he did and amazing job... good work NY you should b proud
and i'll hit up ur piece quick fast
-
this was great... i thoguht you had a great rhyme shceme and flowed sooo well... i dunno alot of the words just sounded right and fit perfectly... pretty good stuff on the topic... had some good content... i liked this peice i enjoyed reading it kept me pretty interested.... nice work here.
-
-
i will hit up links, dont be shy,
jus stop by, we will both hit up ur links actually
-
this was good very well written and a very nice read keep it both up you too...nice complexitya nd great emotion very well creative!...nice my dudes keep it up!
-
thnx for the feed, i already hit urs up, im sure he will
-
-
uppin', lets get sum feedbacc
enuff sleepin
-
The flow was awsome, realy liked the piece. Keep it up!
-
Thnx All For The Feedbacc
Leave Links If U Have Them
-
surprisingly i loved this. the conscience following each line from the rapist was pretty dope. you portrayed it like the rapist was being forced to do this kind of shit by some unknown sinfull force, which was kind've cool to me, simply because i've never seen it written that way. the internals and flow were a BIT choppy at times, but they were still really good for you two. you could sense the difference in skill as well. the red lines seemed a bit less intricate with rhyming and more onto the point, while the black writing was just going off on that vocab usage, sometimes too much. it was a cool piece nontheless though, keep working at it guys. not your best ta2_tears, but deffinatly NY's best.
- Nash
-
thnx for that feed McNashty, LOl, but ayo get on aim
-
you're not even on it :bored:
-
yes i am, im bout to checc if ur on
-
so ye... thanks 4 da feed everybody, not my best performance but still didnt turn out 2 bad
-
hmmm..this was tight ma nigga'z
i felt like a little DMX damien type shit going on
but ya too pulled it off..great use of imagery & emotions
it had a good story line and it stood on point thru out da whole OM
dis was real good...ima keep ma eye open for ya two workin 2gether again
~1~
-
thnx homie, and yea keep ur eye's open, we got more comin' together
-
lol and holla ma nigga..NEW YORK iz coming back fo'sho
-
-
[i] Hey, I have to admit, this was real thought out and the result is this $hit is tight...it resembles the DMX joint with Damien, but the wordplay and structure was top-notched. I feel the both of you elevated a bit more, regardless of what your current status is considered. Multi's were decent as well...Overall, I have to give this an A.
-
Ayo Thnx For That, And Will Get Bacc
-
yo liked this one man the topic was good and you brought some originality to it really liked that saw a lot of good vocab in there some big words esepecilly in the beggining ya wordplay couldn't have been better that and the flow went perfectly along with the peice great job wit that ya structure was also great it was set up as neatly as possible and my favorite thing in this was the imagery came dope as hell with that some of those lines were like illistrations so great peice stay up
leave feed on my om pureness
-
-
this was a pretty clever piece. i thought you had some pretty funny lines but it was different. you did a good job with this because you had some very creative rhymes. your flow was a lil fucked in some places but it was solid throughout.
-
-
