Paper Noose: Running Right From Center

Paper Noose: Running Right From Center
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/atta...chmentid=18188


I am a concerned citizen of modern society
..I share no divides,
I see no limits on humanity & dare not decide
..the travels of man,
or the confinement to lands, secured by razor
..sharp wires & clans,
I stand w/ the free people of earth & protest
..your plans to dispose,
& disband doctrines of a twice stolen land...


..I weep muddy waters, mosquito infested, in a stagnant state
stand in wake waist deep in turbulent currents drowned by fate
brown by make I'm born to walk the forsaken grounds you take
shaken by timelines, fruits of timed lies fall ripe into pies baked
to feed your society's fat, overweight & those on the undertake
thunder makes a great clap, as explained by the bible thumpers
sort of a spiritual spear chucker, chuckling over an electric jolt
bolted in a flash of light from the heavens over an electoral vote
shoved down the secular throat where swallowed concepts
like acid reflux, excite burning hearts and my people to march
in waves of an indigenous sea, parched by an infinite degree
of angry heat, brow beat in sweatshops, I rest not & burn trees..

..& twirl lint into current see, to bank off my visions & serve it free
a servants fee conveniently affixed to price tags on life's misery
a cost paid by the accosted, lost & adopted of an orphaned nation
built on the wet backs of a tireless people who feed your bland
tastes, haul your waste and bleed on your sworn fields of battle
now we swarm your streets & rattle your suits worn in Capitals
a warning born of neo-con techniques silencing accented speech
a bench mark test to quell the future unrest of subjects subjected
to intimidation tactics deliberately in acted by hellish hounds that sip
our life blood, and sift through the ashes of hellfire joystick in grip
whip marks swell to welts as sweltering weather bouts w/ delusions
by intrusions felt, dealt by the dealer of felt-tips and dastardly script..

..equipped to paint masterpiece imagery on monochrome skies, lit
by the embers of perdition overlooking reflections bounced off a pit
of molten souls, pitiful to behold, before a throne built of bones
a Sultan once sold a certain King who served as the Serpents own
known as the sands of chaos from a land blown on the winds of hell
the mercury's rising as well as levels of lead as the voice of the devil
echoes in your children's head, poisoned by systems & candy alike
so I strike the pinata in blindfolded rage to empty contents despite
hazards to health & doctored dental bills that stack up your wealth
so I dance in the shadows brewing a conscious defiance in stealth
directing an onslaught with OUR arms, brought to play War Games
against the War Cries, ,,,YOUR Arms bought!


so I march on the grounds of lost angels
..a million w/ nothing to hide,
wings clipped, nowhere but home left to fly
..our footsteps are felt in sync,
& disrupt the flowing rhythms of corrupt ink
..running Right from Center,
while there's nothing Left but empty suits
..so we center sights,
and take aim against your paper noose...


Paper Noose: Running Right From Center
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/atta...chmentid=18184

Wow, this is by far my favorite piece i've read from you, the imagery was amazing, you vividly wrote each line to stand out and to build the story line up as you went along, usually i can spot random little parts that i don't like or a fault in the wording, but every line was written stratigically to build onto the next line, The topic and the story you portrayed as usual was very true to life and an issue that is very evident in todays american society... Because you're mexican i can tell you felt exactly what you were writting and had a great understanding and knowlege of what you were refering to, which is obviously a good start as so many pieces i read are good usuage of english but it's clear that they have very little understanding of what they are talking about... Your metaphorical references were also felt in here, infact most of the piece itself was a metaphor, which at first made me have to read through a couple of times to grasp exactly what you were meaning, and made me read more indepth to what you were saying, but once i had actually read through the piece like a few times i realised how creative you had been with the write... the 'overweight' thing was also extremely true, and also an issue that should be adressed, that's what i love about reading your stuff, remember the other night when i was saying the loss of 'message' is getting beond a joke, well you seem to bring that back and restore my faith in the art in which is hip-hop... Your wording was unique and refreshing to the eye, very poetic in alot of places, but that's how you tend to write alot, which i really enjoy about reading your work... i just can't escape that imagery factor, that was what stood out the most to me, it was just so origional and really set the whole piece from good into great... i'm not one to go on about structure, but i also like the way you always set out your pieces, it makes it easy to read and flows of the tongue... Speaking of flow, your multis were on fire, the flow was just amazing, it always suprises me how many complex words you can fit into a multi that still suprisingly make sense and doesn't break the flow... your hook also grasped my attention as it started and finished the piece really well, i mean the last couple of pieces i've read from you had that hook like that, but just not half as effective as this hook was, it summed up what you were refering to perfectly and really added a touch of eligance to the piece... The picture also was a nice touch to the piece aswell, it automatically gave an insight to how many people are adiment about what you were talking about... and that really did just get me int he mood to read more and more, not once in this did i get bored or didn't feel like reading the next line, it truely entertained me man, not alot of pieces tend to dot hat anymore to me.

You didn't rush this piece atall, and i respect you for that as it shows that when you put your mind to it you can be a genius with your words, i hope you keep on dropping like this because this is the bounce that i love reading the work of.

Well done man.

wow @ that feed^ lol. anyway, very nice peice bounce, your a true visionary. very nicely worded as far as the words and there context and i'll be truely honest. it was pretty damn hard for me to find the meaning. it seems to have many meanings and seems to have a transparent metaphor. it flowed pretty good, not due to multi's but it just had a certain naturalness to it. good job man.

thanks for the lenghty replies guys..

Word, can you feed on me and attys colab please bro, thanks alot.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299170
id really appritiate some feed on this piece.

to kicc it off, id like to say it was a great piece and id nominate it.
reasons why is because of the distinct flow and the vocab was truelly amazing in all aspects, in yet it didnt sound like a ramble, as most pieces do when a homeboy checcs straight out a dictionary for a more complex way of putting things, you fitted the wording really nicely. as for the flow i can just say it was unusual, yes, but origional none the less, and it didnt go by bars but more of internal rhymes and rhythmn. the imagery was cool, i could picture sometime in the near future our world over populated with people and problems. mexico ehhh? lol, it drew me into it, i understood what you were getting at, the emotional was also a really nice too. i liked what you put in this line, it brought insight to dullness (not saying your shit was dull, but sounded rather political, correct?)

so I march on the grounds of lost angles
..a million w/ nothing to hide,
wings clipped, nowhere but home left to fly

well done... is all i have to say, and you dont need me to tell you this was a great piece.

I don't know how you do it Bounce - I don't know how you manage to drop as consistently ill as you do. Your one of the few writers on this site that I look foward to peeping each and evertime. Your pieces are always thought provoking and mechanically perfect. This piece for example not only brought light to an injustice circumstance, but from a textual(?) point of view was a keen display of lyrical ability.
The visual I obtained after reading this work - was of you on a soapbox preaching the ills of America to a mistreated and outraged population. Revolution weather, my brother, is how I define your writing (lol). Once again and as always - Powerful, powerful piece. What more need be said?

Favorite lines:

Quote:

---

of molten souls, pitiful to behold, before a throne built of bones
a Sultan once sold a certain King who served as the Serpents own
known as the sands of chaos from a land blown on the winds of hell
the mercury's rising as well as levels of lead as the voice of the devil
echoes in your children's head

---

^Come'on man what more need be said?

Illness...

P.S. - 'One Life' -ft. ledgenz and myself

^Hit that up plz, if and when you get some time.


Peace.

Alright this was pretty dope... the rhymescheme and flow was amazing and the content was just real strong... i felt a lot of emotion from this and you showed that this issue is not just some political issue, it's something that can get real real real personal... i loved that Pinata line, it fit sooo good with this piece... the analogies seen on here was just real dope... i dont wanna seem cocky or anything, but you're one of the only writers on this site that i feel can impress me enough to motivate me to do better.

well, check out my latest piece.. maybe it would interest you cuz ur mexican and the title is...

I'm Sarcastic And Coronas Are Healthy

check the link in my sig... thanks and peace.

Nice piece man. I don't think alot of kids fully apreciate or understand how your flow is working... with all of the assonance and illiteration mixed with complicated multie-schemes and such. It really takes alot of effort. I love the fact that you not only know how, but seamlessly use those poetic fluency techniques. The content was all very strong, lots of very vivid imagery intertwined with an agressive, agitated sort of tone. Liked it, nice job man.

Thanks everyone...

Poeta, that fat and overwieght line is in metaphoric reference to the gluttenous apetites of those who control our economies. The greed and need to feed themselves in a monetary sense.

Legendz. thanks for always supporting man. YOu nailed the tone well, this is a political peice, one that screams my sentiments aloud as if I'm shouting to a group of like minded people.


Moe, thanks for the support aswell and I'm glad I could give you something to chew on man. The pinata line was called for, it's the only way I could show in metaphor something that is inherent to our cultures. It lets me speak on an issue from the stand point of the hispanic minority, and that metaphor would be easily picked up by those familar with the issues ans the culture. I was part of that protest in Los Angeles, and amongst that sea of people I witnessed first hand how powerful a movement can be. Kind of reiterated in this peice...

myself, thanks for looking out man, glad you could bring to light the techniques I use in my schemes. Not many here know too much outside the conventional end line type of ryhmes, it;s good to see someoen not only knows of, but uderstands the detail and work it takes to craft such a rhyme scheme. I borrow that from my back ground in poetry and have learned to use it in my delivery on stage and on paper. Makes for one hell of a cadence when pyut to test in audio.


Thanks all... Much aprpeciated.

I will try to return feed, but don't hate me if I can't keep up... I try...

I think I'm going to have to read your work all the time now.

You really brought another perspective to this whole situation, with everyone in the media crying about this immigration problem, and although I do not agree with most of the things that are said by the illegal immigrants and their supporters, this piece brought another aspect to my overall view of it. Perhaps if the protesters spoke so eloquently, there would be much more understanding and much less anger..

excellent writing. fuck man.. this impressed me alot.

pz

why thank you kind sir.

I just felt many of these imagrants just don;t have the voice to capture an aduience, so beign the political junkie I am... I decided to say things they way I see them. I love my country and am a patriot and all, but that does not mean Im blind to our flaws and imperfections.

i'll die for it, but I'll also bleed out on paper against it when wrrong..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Bounce

Thanks everyone...

Poeta, that fat and overwieght line is in metaphoric reference to the gluttenous apetites of those who control our economies. The greed and need to feed themselves in a monetary sense.

Legendz. thanks for always supporting man. YOu nailed the tone well, this is a political peice, one that screams my sentiments aloud as if I'm shouting to a group of like minded people.


Moe, thanks for the support aswell and I'm glad I could give you something to chew on man. The pinata line was called for, it's the only way I could show in metaphor something that is inherent to our cultures. It lets me speak on an issue from the stand point of the hispanic minority, and that metaphor would be easily picked up by those familar with the issues ans the culture. I was part of that protest in Los Angeles, and amongst that sea of people I witnessed first hand how powerful a movement can be. Kind of reiterated in this peice...

myself, thanks for looking out man, glad you could bring to light the techniques I use in my schemes. Not many here know too much outside the conventional end line type of ryhmes, it;s good to see someoen not only knows of, but uderstands the detail and work it takes to craft such a rhyme scheme. I borrow that from my back ground in poetry and have learned to use it in my delivery on stage and on paper. Makes for one hell of a cadence when pyut to test in audio.


Thanks all... Much aprpeciated.

I will try to return feed, but don't hate me if I can't keep up... I try...

---

i'm glad to see u were part of the protest.

i sent an email to the mayor about the farmers in south central LA with the eviction shit and all... sometimes i wanna be a major part of these protest but it sucks when they're so far from me. anyways i'll leave ya thread alone, peace and thanks for replying to my corona shiznit.

oh my goodness. very nicely done. i'm really going to have to come back and read this later today when i'm more awake for better feed because it was meh on the concepts for me as it's 4:30 am and i havn't slept. from the looks of things though, the flow was nice as always, you've perfected that obviously, and from what i GOT out of it, the shit was just dope.

I'll come back and leave more descriptive feed later, looks nice from a tired mans perspective though dude, keep writing. love your work.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300557
^Lex & me ..collabing, he's getting better. would DEF appreciate your feed.

i'll be back with an edit.

I know all too well about being tired and sleepy...

*speechless*

^ me too

Ok this was a very very good piece.I find it the 2nd best i have read from you.Everything you write is very original and is YOU all over.Your style of writing is so unique and I don't know where you find the time to think of all this with a busy life.Your creativity was amazing,and you were so descriptive whisch made it very easy for the reader to understand what you were talking about.You worded everything excellently and that reallly added to the piece.Your story telling abilty seems to always stay at one level and that is dope.You never drop below par and when clicking into all your pieces,I know I am in for a good read.Keep it going as I am certain you will.

-Dyl

oh my goodness. very nicely done. i'm really going to have to come back and read this later today when i'm more awake for better feed because it was meh on the concepts for me as it's 4:30 am and i havn't slept. from the looks of things though, the flow was nice as always, you've perfected that obviously, and from what i GOT out of it, the shit was just dope.

I'll come back and leave more descriptive feed later, looks nice from a tired mans perspective though dude, keep writing. love your work.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300557
^Lex & me ..collabing, he's getting better. would DEF appreciate your feed.

i'll be back with an edit.

^Adding to my feed. hit that link as well!

brown by make I'm born to walk the forsaken grounds you take
shaken by timelines, fruits of timed lies fall ripe into pies baked
to feed your society's fat, overweight & those on the undertake
thunder makes a great clap, as explained by the bible thumpers
sort of a spiritual spear chucker, chuckling over an electric jolt
bolted in a flash of light from the heavens over an electoral vote
shoved down the secular throat

ok, so now that i'm awake, i can understand shit a little more. you've got MAD metaphorical shit in this. i love your comparisons, "bolted in a flash of light from the heavens over an elevtoral vote"
good read dude. loved that shit!

- Nash

This was dope, Bounce. I rarely see people attack current issues, and most of the times, the people that do, don't do a great job at it. You, on the other hand, shined. The photos also added another level of depth to it. Powerful images. Good job.

Thank you sir, I guess being part of that very demonstration helped me to vent here in this peice...

up.

this was a very nice peice, the imagery was top of the line, ur wordplay and multies helped the flow along jus aswell, this was by far the best peice i have ever read from u, it grasped the attention of the readers and had them kept in tune, u didnt fall off at any point to me, i liked ur structure and ur whole set up, the way u put it together was very nice, i cant wait 'til im good enuff for topics and shit like this, but good shit, keep it up, i'll be readin' more from you, overal rating 10.00013/10

hit up the o.m in my sig, i jus started them and need all the critisim i could get from dope heads, if u would that would be much appreciated, thnxp

thank you and I'll try to hit up your piece when I get a chance...

Dude this has got to be one of the best pieces i haver ead from you simply because of the fact that we have alot in common and i can relate to you and this piece first of let me start of by saying you pivked a great storyline and excecuted everything in your piece perfectly i especially liked the part of the pinata and blinded rage because mostly when i hit a pinata thats how i feel and although you didnt display much imagery the fact that the topic was based on what im facing not painted a picture in my head which is always good i loved this piece and i hope that you will keep writing pieces like this one i loved this i rate this a perfect ten great OM bounce

thanks for taking the time

this is why i love you, our like one of the few on a level i can relate with.. and a rhyme sheme.. i work with wich worked great in this piece.. i almost had a tear reading the second stanza, ;x this reflected the truth in such a way it would even wake the ones blinded with ignorance.. if they could grasp the message.

1love.

Really nice work...topic bounced a little but fuck it the imagery and the metaphors and the overall message were superb...i especially like the start and end pieces and the first part about the president....all and all tho this shit was fire

thanks.

up.

thanks, thats all?

you #!!@#

WHASSSSSSUP

bump

dope avy man...

makes me want to get out early and burn one....

indeed, here aswell.. gotta work late for fuck sakes


.
.
.
working till the next day..


WORK!!!

well I'm smoked out now, so everything is peachy

this was kol very well done and extremely caught my eye and grabbed my attention very well...nice read i enjoyed every aspect of this....loved your imagery and depth in emotion and mutlies..

RTF on the link in my sig please.

thank you, glad you enjoyed it...

upping

rough crowd

last up...

just a quick word from me. diddnt see this before till i saw it in the hof archive.
all in all dope flow . multies. mettas was sickly and visual. thats the type of mettas i like to see. at first i thought it was a joint on the louis farrakan million march n ish. till i got to that pinata line. then went on to see you's a mexican fucker. ha . ill shit. near to perfect in its delivery and captivation value. mos readabler and inspiring ish f'sho....


:2thumb:
pz1