I'm Sarcastic And Coronas Are Healthy

They say Moe's the sick wicked type with a thick kitchen knife
But I am Superman...
Slitting my wrist with kryptonite
I'm the sweet guy who beckoned zones
Of perplex steps causing failure...
Like a mime with tourettes syndrome
My life's a bet between good and evil,
But i'm dethroning the vice
It's shaped like a circle, but i'm still rolling this dice
My heart's force-fed to me, blood squirts the bud on the lungs
I feel like a priest that just fell in love with a nun
But i'm like planet Earth, I AM NOT ALONE...
Help me
I'm sarcastic and Coronas are healthy
I'm tumbling into the remarkable core
Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
I'm not even wondering where you are anymore
The sun sleeps after I give the moon it's sleeping pills
Creeping mills of sweeping chills...
Keeping hills clean until...
It's proven that i'm still hungry for thy potion
And even when i'm sober...
I'm rill gully like erosion
Licking liquor, an alcoholic salad...
I tossed it as the frost bit
There's a bridge called Eye and I just crossed it
Mr. Piss-drunk while pissed with a pistol-mentally
I used to drink heavily until I couldn't think steadily
But I calmed down for the sake of my body's clinched chemistry
It's the force you can't see...
And my soul's embracing the pelt
I'm thankful for my mind,
But keep in mind... that i'm thanking myself.


Notes:
This piece is very subliminal and filled with a lot of metaphors so that readers/listeners can take it in so that he/she relates to it however they want to... but this one is especially for the ex-alcoholics who started out drinking because their life was fucked up which is what i went thru.

Leave links, 97% chance i will return the favor on your shit... the longer your feed-back is on mine, the longer the feed-back will be on yours from me.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...39#post4686039
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300132

Huh?

this was interesting...not quite inspiring..but still interesting none the least. its obvious a great deal of intelligence and diligence went into this piece, i suspect you dipped into your hidden stash of metaphors (you know - ones you keep right next to the porn... and... the... pot...and the porn...and ... the rest... of the pot?) and pieced this verse together. Whatever the case maybe, just know one thing - you had a shitload of ill Meta's and similes, I guess wordplay is high in fiber after-all. Apart from my futile attempts at being funny I'd also like to say I enjoyed your subliminal approach, it's nice to see a verse that'll make your mind spin a bit, you know - cause... candidness if for the birds man, for the fuckin pigeons and turkeys! Sooooo...hmmm...lyrically it was on point/pretty dope and mechanically it was on point/pretty dope...the rhyme scheme was ye...the flow was ah!...put those together and you get Yeah! so Yeah! It was good. lol - Let me stop fucking with you man, I thought this shit was pretty good. Nuff said!

Favorite lines:
And even when i'm sober...
I'm rill gully like erosion

^Its been awhile since I took geology, but last i remember a gully was some type of landmass formed due to weathering.....if so that was ill...if my assumption is wrong...then by all means fuck you!

lol Good shit



return the favor plz:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299971

Peace!

This was a different piece of work, different as in it had a more unique appraoch to various social issues. however, it is not the topic which i liked it was the flow and most of all the clashes between the things yous said i.e. you said you'll "dethrone the vice" yet on the next line you rolled the dice. I liked that, there is an actual word for these clashes but i can't remember it na mean. Overall, this was a technically sound piece with an un-interuppting style of layout. Good Work....

Can ya check this out, new OM called "Infective war", thanks preciate it
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299848

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LedgenZ

Huh?

this was interesting...not quite inspiring..but still interesting none the least. its obvious a great deal of intelligence and diligence went into this piece, i suspect you dipped into your hidden stash of metaphors (you know - ones you keep right next to the porn... and... the... pot...and the porn...and ... the rest... of the pot?) and pieced this verse together. Whatever the case maybe, just know one thing - you had a shitload of ill Meta's and similes, I guess wordplay is high in fiber after-all. Apart from my futile attempts at being funny I'd also like to say I enjoyed your subliminal approach, it's nice to see a verse that'll make your mind spin a bit, you know - cause... candidness if for the birds man, for the fuckin pigeons and turkeys! Sooooo...hmmm...lyrically it was on point/pretty dope and mechanically it was on point/pretty dope...the rhyme scheme was ye...the flow was ah!...put those together and you get Yeah! so Yeah! It was good. lol - Let me stop fucking with you man, I thought this shit was pretty good. Nuff said!

Favorite lines:
And even when i'm sober...
I'm rill gully like erosion

^Its been awhile since I took geology, but last i remember a gully was some type of landmass formed due to weathering.....if so that was ill...if my assumption is wrong...then by all means fuck you!

lol Good shit



return the favor plz:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299971

Peace!

---

LMFAO @ the bolded part.

and yes, ur assumption is right... rill and gully are two kinda of erosion in geology and blah blah. and the wordplay is u know like tryna say "real gully" as in real brave... cuz gully can also mean brave. anyways ill check that link out and thanks.

no doubt this piece was madd gully dunn ;)

hahaha... omg i dont kno y... but i loved this piece... the title itself made me laugh, and once i read it and it's humurous yet meaningful approach on the topic i realized how much talent you displayed in this piece... all you see now on rb is people trying 2 get their point across by making those deep sad pieces and what not, but you did it probably more effectively than them with and up beat comical mood to it... it was nice 2 c the change... also those first 5 or 6 lines were actually amazing... good way 2 kick things off, but it seemed like u let up a slight amount after them but not that much... 2 avoid that, after u finish a line, say to yourself, kay my next 1 is gonna b better than the last... and keep going and it usually works and keeps you consistent... one thing i really have 2 give u props on was the multis... those were absolutely outstanding... probably the best i've read since Issue was around... your vocabulary and wordplay was very strong and intelligent... your flow was amazing and consistent throughout the whole piece, although ur structure was off a bit and it didn't look 2 pretty, but i dont really care about that as long as it doesnt effect the flow

good work that was amazing... keep it up and ima keep my eye open 4 more of u

p.s. i think u used 2 b in my crew back in the day... cant quite remember tho... holla

~1~

thanks for the replies... i'm not sure what crew u are talking about.. ive been in blade oracles and the next level

I liked this, real clever in parts and real fluid in others. I liked the rill gully line and the

mr piss drunk pissed off with a pistol mentality;;

dope, reminds me of something I would have went with there. Overall a real enjoyable read, and one I can relate to as the metaphors were of a common nature. One many a party goer and drunk alike could relate to.

I cracked up a few times reading this...

Yeah this is a pretty good piece we have here. Definently a lot of metaphors, sounds like a person going crazy with the life and living life crazy and drinking so I think I got the premise of the story. Rhyming was on point, no need to work on that. Overll a very good write, but then again you're a star on S.S. so you already know that don't you.

thanks seneka oh and bounce it's mentally, not mentality lol... mentally rhymes better and fits it better for me to rhyme it nicer. "pistol-mentally" is just a term i made up as if i had a pistol, but mentally.. when u have a pistol you have somewhat power... so i saw mentally as if i feel powerful, but just mentally...

basically lol.. this line...

Mr. Piss-drunk while pissed with a pistol-mentally

simply means this line...

i'm very drunk and angry and i feel powerful

yeah, just wanted to explain that line just incase other readers dont get or wanted to know exactly what i meant by it...

up.

leave links people.

this shit was nice man...realy got me interested and kept me enjoyed through out this whole read...really complexed with nice funny lines and humerous action packed variaties my dude..really liked you r imagery and approaches my dude it was real nice man..kee it up man...your really elevating my dude

i know you left feed on one of mine but idk which one but leave feed on the ones you didnt please..thank you.

links in my sig dude...RTF on all of em if you havent

abyways this was a nice read really unique and real clever nice humerous lines and complexity with multies real koo delivery aswell...i enjiyed this read my dude real elevation right here very very creative.

The title made me laugh at first glance..
annnyway:

It started out very nicely, really like the superman line...I kept reading through, and these metaphors and simile's just kept sticking out..You really eh, how shall I say this, skipped from point to point...After I re-read it though, I thorougly understood..Something that I really respect in your works is that you don't throw 121 large words into it, and you managed to add complexity to this piece without me having to look up what certain words meant..I took this pretty much the way you intended too, but from a diff. perspective. I've started drinking cuz my life's been fucked up, but I clearly see the point you're trying to get across.
a few of my fav. lines:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by E.S.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
I'm not even wondering where you are anymore
The sun sleeps after I give the moon it's sleeping pills

There's a bridge called Eye and I just crossed it
Mr. Piss-drunk while pissed with a pistol-mentally
I used to drink heavily until I couldn't think steadily
But I calmed down for the sake of my body's clinched chemistry

---

^^^ Those really stood out to me, the wording in those segments was just fucking amazing..Another enjoyable piece from you, will be eager to see more.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301570

hah, i liked this peice for some reason, it was different, you had nice emotion here, i can relate to alot of what you wrote, when i came in here i didnt know what to expect, hence the title, and as it started it just hit me, nice use of metaphores and it was deep, some wording couldve been a lil better i thought, but overal it was good, your use of vocab was also on point... the creaivtiy you used here was amazing had some twists to it, i havent red much of your stuff, but this was good, because like i said i could relate to it, and i was inreged from it, makes me think of "all those times" lol, made me laugh aswell, a few lines had me chuckling.. alcoholic salad was one of them and the rest of that.. it was just a real different peice i havent red anything really like it before, probably because i dont read much open mics but yea, i enjoyed it it had my full attention the whole way through..

props.

thanks people.

Hmmm... This piece IMO was really good... To me the structure was really good making it easy to read... The actuall flow and rhyme it self was really easy to understand and read... Like you said it did have a lot of metaphors in it which people can interpret in their own way... My favourite part of this piece was ;

"There's a bridge called Eye and I just crossed it
Mr. Piss-drunk while pissed with a pistol-mentally
I used to drink heavily until I couldn't think steadily
But I calmed down for the sake of my body's clinched chemistry"

That flowed really well for me and I though the content and rhyming was dope...

My favorite quotable part is:

Quote:

---

I'm tumbling into the remarkable core
Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
I'm not even wondering where you are anymore
The sun sleeps after I give the moon it's sleeping pills
Creeping mills of sweeping chills...

---

This was...well this is good. Not Chocolate City per say but good lol. I enjoyed your metaphors as they brought vivid images with wording. The awesome flow balanced the uncanny sequence of a party night. The wonderous thoughts put it into this were written clearly. The structure matched the flow perfectly. Imagery was wow like I said before. Almost like I was there to see this. Great Bro.

No offense because I don't care about your metaphors, I read the piece once and it was interesting. Although I saw that twinkle twinkle thing in one of Cry's text battles, it was still funny. ABout the metaphors though, its not that I don't care, its just not my style to read a piece over and over to get more out of it. It didn't seem like there was much hidden meaning though, seemed like most of the content was fairly obvious. anyway, I like how you were creative without being overly vague or wordy.