Nathaniel of the Valley

Nathaniel of the Valley


Nathaniel of the valley
Of the heart and soul
The copper colt divides the clouds
and lets the thunder roll

His challenge to the lightning
to "come and race the rail"
Your raindrops for the bounty
woven in my mane and tail.

The lightning it was clever
and with not a second missed
tore down the mountain
with a crack and hiss

But the pony never faltered
and with a stallions nerve
screammed back to the lightning
"Bow to he you serve"!!!

Then he watered by the river
on the rain that he had won
And settled in the tall grass
till another cloud should come.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300079
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300132

wow! ^ that guy's a hall of famer. lol up.

this was well written with an original concept.. it's a short poem with a hip-hop feeling to it and the rhymescheme was decent, but the rhymescheme had nothing that made my eye widen. overall good shit.

please return the favor in my sig there's a link to my recent open mic called I'm Sarcastic And Coronas Are Healthy. thanks.

up.

more feed. please and thank you.

up.

ehem.

1 person.. this is rediculous.

up.

I liked this piece.You worded things very well and your imagery worked very well.You could have been a bit more creative but what you wrote was aenough and was enjoyable to read.I was impressed with your descriptive writing and you really did do a good job on displaying your imagery


His challenge to the lightning
to "come and race the rail"
Your raindrops for the bounty
woven in my mane and tail.

The lightning it was clever
and with not a second missed
tore down the mountain
with a crack and hiss
^This was worded very well

This is my first time I have read something from you and I enjoyed it.I look foward to reading more of your pieces and keep writing.

-Dyl

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Onus.

wow! ^ that guy's a hall of famer. lol up.

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^^lol..more on a poetry tip...
it was ight...sometimes you dont need
the flashy shit to make it work...
it didnt make me lean back...
but fucken elegant in its simplicity...
decent read...flows ight...stay up peace

Short and sweet, the easiest thing to do a whole thing on. Yeah this was definently a poem, although it rhymed kinda like a rap. The rhyming was okay, and something you could get away with in this case. I think length would've helped this out a little more, it seemed to be headed in the right direction, but it stops too soon. But overall, a good write in my opinion.

lol. ^no idea what this was about do you? up.

upping once again :2thumb:

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short...sweet....and to the point....not long and drawn out....I like the structure and the way that it flowed as I read...never astraying from the original content was another thing I noticed... your multi's were on point the imagery was aiight and the vocab fit it's purpose....Overall good shit Fam ....Keep at it .

would like some feed on this from experienced writers.

very cool poetry, it flowed so well and most of all it was very original. alot of the OM's are called different things but are about the same stuff. i liked this joint, good read, only thing i could say is try to get more in depth. i havnt seen your other work but a longer verse, some multis and just show you got skillz.
peace

lets see if i can squeeze a bit more juice outta this.