Get Out Alive Feat Julius Ceaser

...Julius Ceaser (The Lost Man)...

Fuck, I'm here in jamaica s'pose to be enjoying my self,
but you're on my mind-twisting and ach'ing my heart,
this been going on ever since I decided we should depart,
I don't think that was smart-and the effect is-its tearing me apart.
Now I'm thinking, I should reach over to the nearest phone,
and relax myself by listening to your sexxy voice tone,
and connect the times we had that was lost but forever cherish,
but it seems that ever since we let go of each other-it all perish,
burned to ashes, Now I'm picking up what's left-Black Dust,
that don't signalfies the taste of Love- I'm tired of eating the crust.
My lips still feel you're wetness presence-now look what I'm kissing,
the 2 worst ones and that is envy and pain, that's ripping
me into sections that's leaving me out in the open-catching infections,
that got me dazed and losing sight of the road of life-I need directions.
I'm trapped in the abyss and I need someone with a care heart,
just to open his/her palms, help me up and push to give me a head start.
now I'm going to go and walk near the beach and feel my tears flow,
and hopefully someone will feel my dying heart while the wind blows..it away.
I feel lyke a fish on a black cloudy rainy day and my emotions got me
hooked on its bait,
and I'm struggling and twisting dying just to fade away back into the ocean man.
.
.
Poetic Killer (The Lost Soldier)

I see my end drawing near, i cant control myself, sombody please help me
I can see my oncoming fear, a loss to my health, sorry that you cant see
My family starts to cry, this war has just begun, and I cant come back home
My brother Aaron brings up a sigh, grabs his gun, says that I'm not alone
I helped my country to the end, I died in with a name, he trys to end his life
He cant let go of an old friend, Bush is to blame, so please try to servive
My home burns down, my brother gets a lil more tough, gets a new place
Mom and dad underground, Aarons life is getting rough, hes a disgrace
Prays to me for forgivness, I tell him its alright, He drinks away his sins
He recieves a new sickness, hes always in a fight, stays at cheap inns
Needs a family but has non, there for as no reason to live, but why?
Sits down drunk holding a gun, trying so hard to be forgived, I cry.
The ways he dies makes the angels look away, even I get ill right away
He'll be up in heaven in a couple of days, so much I have to say
The things he had to deal with, were the tests given by god
Yes he is real and was never a myth, Bush is the only true frod
And if you want to get out alive, just fight for your life
But if you do not want to survive, dont put down that knife

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299847
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...41#post4681341

Feed please. :2thumb:

Eeh, I wasn't feeling this piece. Julius' part was very choppy and awkwardly worded, while Poets was really strechted without the proper internals to support the final rhyme. The concept itself was ok, but has been done over and over again. This approach didn't really have anything revoluntionary to offer up to the topic, it was kind of just following a standard previously set. So, sorry guys, just wasn't really my kind of piece, nice attempt though.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299956

Rise please.

I wrote it to a beat...Meh..Thanks for the feed. Rise.

lol thanks.

Bump...............

Rise.

Rise!

this wasnt nice man..its was ok nice and excite was in very few areas..for the most part im saying is that it was kinda BLAND and this was kinda played the choice of writing. the title yes original but the concept and verses are kinda iffy and ish. but nice emotion and effort and for what i see nice vocab at most parts...work more on writing JC without a beat man...i think its much better you can think more.

Hmm.

Nah i was dissapointed in this peice guys. JC, i think the fact you wrote this to a beat meant your verse suffered. it seems you focused more on flow and less on the ryhme concept. granted ya vocab was decent'issh in most places but some bits were real choppy and seemed as though you only added them in to make the bar rhyme. try writing without a beat, thats what i always do. infact its what almost all the dope O'm writers do. nevertheless it was'nt that bad but going off previous shit ive seen you do. the standard was below par.

Poetic Killer your verse was the slightly better one but still i was'nt impressed by it. it was stetched to hell which leads me to belive yours was wrote to no beat. you had decent emotion in your verse but like it was stated above^. you need to improve your internals cos ya piece sort of fell off half way threw. internals are a great way of stoping that from happing. again as i stated with JC. i was dissapointed in your verse because of previous shit ive seen you do.

Tip- next to you two collab with something, make sure you both agree on minimum and maximum sylables in each line. cos both ya verse's had indifferent flows.

overall. meh, im'a be nice cos im in a good mood.
7-10.

Keep @ it.

Oh and poetic, youre gunna have to step ya writing up if your to beat me in this up coming topical battle. i aint being big headed bro but your seriously gunna have to up ya game going off this peice.

lol Thanks homie. After the battle we still cool right?

pesonally, I thought the first part was slightly choppy and seemed a little uninspired. Just kind of trying to say something about a girl that he's obviously pissed about. Also I hate reading rap on here that just whines about love lost, everyone is like 13-21, who gives a shit if your girlfriend is gone. Fuck her, get a new one.

On another note, the second portion I liked quite a bit more. It actually had a story to it and a much better developed rhyme structure. Nothing perfect, but still better by comparison than the first part of the rhyme. Could use a bit better word choice within your lines, probably, to cut down on syllable differences and to make the language flow more easily.

ok thank you.. rise.

Poetic Killer ,

You added onto the ongoing poems in the field of love. This is a nice piece that lures the audience in with a love story. As I read through part of this story, this almost seems like a drama/'horror. Is the person dead and burnt to ashes? (The military is a harsh reality for some soldiers. I just hope this is not a true story)