.Pain.

Pain.

Many manipulations engulf my mind
Like a song constantly playing of thoughts to rewind.
continueing to play countless times
as ive reached the interminable pain in an endless line.
meaningless smiles and joyless hello's
Hurtfull I LOVE YOU's and stabbing LET GO'S.
My heart is left, Broken and rotten
My love has been shattered, a friendship forgotten.
.
.
"the truth only hurts when let to intrude in a meaningless sense of rudenss in life"
.
.
Too many tears i have cried.
caused from angered emotions that eats away my insides.
No longer can i endure this pain
As my name is shadowed behind, a broken and nameless frame.
an eternity of pain has caused me to believe
for a silth drop of happiness cannot be exchanged to me or achieved.
a fantasy to live with tranquility and peace
a nightmare of struggles, choked with a touch of pain and grieve.
.
.
"Life can only mean an inch in life, if done so with feeling and kindness in your heart"
.
.
The past that holds my treasures in life
Now sleeps with the titanic in the cold and weary night.
The future that's said to hold my hopes and dreams
lay's on the dirt battered and bruised, left nothing but a blur to me.
I apologize to those i hold so dear
For the time has STOPPED, my END in life is HERE.
As i grip the knife, i slowly waive my good-bye
For no one left in mu life can save me from the life destined to be mine.
.
.
"As the night slowly fades away to dawna new, a soul is lost but never forgotten"

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=298977
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299467

this was quite a nice peice,you have shown that you have great potential in this peice...your similies are what caught my eye at the start....they were very good,and made the imagery a lot better in this peice.You also did very well with your metaphors
'angered emotions '<---that was a very good metaphor.I feel that you could have done a lot better with the vocab in this peice,I love reading peices with a shit load of complex rhyming and great vocab in them,so I feel you should have placed some more in to this peice. Your rhyme scheme was alright,but it was too common,nearly all of the less developed writers use this scheme,what I mean is that you always had your rhymes at the end of each line,you should try to have a more complex rhyme scheme,peices do not always have to rhyme at the end of each line...it coul drhyme at the start or in the middle,also you could have placed more multie strings in to this peice....just to make it flow that little bit better. But overall this was a very interesting read, and I believe you could be a very very good writer in the future. Keep dropping and elevating. Look at SS verse and the topical Tutorials to help with your elevation. I'll be watching you closely to see how much you elevate lol. peace dude

word thanks im havin poeta help me elevate so thanks my dude.

that was very well written very good vocab
it was just dope
there was no wack parts at all


"I apologize to those i hold so dear
For the time has STOPPED, my END in life is HERE."
^this was very descriptive and very good voab and flow

yo silent i liked this peice man it was very productive with the way you put feeling into words which is hard at times but i feel you accomplished this very well, your vocab was nice could have been better but hey who cares about vocab all the time as long as there is a wide vocab then your good, i seen a type or two i think just one but overall this was a good read keep it up man

thanks dudes...upping this man dont sleep

Damn homie even though this piece was basic I still liked it.When I started reading this piece I could really feel the emotion in this piece.And also you had real good Imagry in this piece cuz I could picture what was going on in this piece.And also you used your metaphors good in this piece which made the piece better.And also you came real descriptive in this piece telling everyhing thats was going on.Your structure was good and your use of vocabulary was good too.But overall this was a good piece to read keep up the good work homie :2thumb:

wordness thanks my dude...you wanna sig us?!..and the fam is happy to have you.THANKZ!

upping this.

I must agree ..very well written with a huge sence of emotion..

vocab was excellent imagery was good felt like u couldve been a lil more descriptive in certian areas but over all i was with u throw ou the hole thing .which is another good thing i didnt find any one area were u lacked or lost me .flow was on point i didnt feel like u streched things out nor forced anything structure was good and clean didnt make things look any fancier then need be

over all good piece def looking foward to more of ur work family!

wordness thanks FAM...upping this clean and serene drop of beuty

fucken nice fam...first off the thing that stood out for me in
this piece was the smoothness of your delivery...real slick...
i dont think i read one harsh transition...good imagery....emotion...
engaging shit u know...yerr nice...content fuck all over nice piece...
im out peace......

word upping this like i said and thanks my dude!.

upping this joint its hot man lets go

Feed

Whats Good With OM'S Getting Slept On

Bump

word bumping this HOT SIMPLE OM!

I liekdthis peice but uninfortuntly. I have to give it a bad rank due to the.....Just kidding. I lioked the flow and loved the structre. I enjoyed the imagenary and creativity. The wordplay was very mature. And story was plain out good. 9-10

~Poetic Killer

thanks my dude will leave feed now on yours.

nice drop...i liked the wordaply
i also liked the vocab and flow
.....nice mettas in there as well as
multies......keep it up..nice shit
9.2/10

There's Philly B. MUTHAFUCKIN Sparkzz reppin WRITTEN VOICES and CLOSED CAPTION... BOW DOWN 2 OUR GREATNESS! haha... well done man well done... the topic was kinda played, but most love topics are... i really liked the quotes u placed in between verses... it was original and it had a huge impact on the piece in my mind... the emotion was all there and was very strong throughout the whole piece... the vocabulary was elevated and very intelligent... plus the rhymes was top notch... i liked to see the multis in there, i kno the last piece of urs i read was sort of lacking them... good work on improving in that area... i think ur weakest points on this piece was the structure and flow... the structure was kind of all over the place and the flow seemed 2 fall off every now and then... try and work on that to make it more consistent and easier 2 read... also revise b4 u post cuz there were alot of spelling errors... but all in all it was a good read... im not gonna do ur other 1 now cuz im kinda writing right now so keep reminding me until i do it kay... i'll try and do it 2morrow.. good work and ur crews r proud lol

beatiful quotes, i could feel the quotes flying into weaves of imagery and expression that created a good atmosphere in this piece. I liked the flow as the way you have laid the words allowed the flo to stay intact for the majority of the times. Lsatly, emotion was in this and it is good to see that there are people here who strive to up the standard of not only RB Open Mic but of also there own writing. Stay up na mean

word thanks man upping this!

wow. very original structure. i liked the quotes between the verses that showed originality. i liked this, it had good emotion and it was well worded (unlike "she is my pain") ok moving along. the complexity was not bad but couldve been better, i still like the fact that you didnt force anything. the last verse was my favorite, it for the most part projected the feeling and thought you put into the verse, sort of evening it out. good job man.

Overall, the topic of this was tight. The emotion was flowing throughout the entire piece. Structure was good, also the format. This is a significant piece that needs to be posted periodically from others.

thanks guys for the feed...not ima return the favor to ya'll especially to onus!...word!.

This was a very well structured piece.....You didn't miss a beat with this one....The topic Was a real real good one....and yo uplayed on well providing the reader with much needed imagery....similies DAMN ! straight similies.....emotion flowed through out and was felt deeply within.......I could actually understand your interpretation of pain and how affects one.....I felt that there was a message in this piece which is kinda different from other pieces I've read in O-M......and that I can Dig.....Keep that shit up man O-M needs pieces like this one .......overall 9.5/10



.
The past that holds my treasures in life
Now sleeps with the titanic in the cold and weary night.
The future that's said to hold my hopes and dreams
lay's on the dirt battered and bruised, left nothing but a blur to me.

favorite lines ^^^^

thanks GAWD...upping this man......

nice peice man, really great emotion and you painted really good pictures aswell. your flow was consistant which is always good to see, and your structure was great. looking forward to veiwing another great peice from you my man, keep writing.

cheers n peace.

thanks my dude upping this!.....

yeah you had me feeling this one too nice keep dropping OM like this I love this verse by you this was the one I was feeling the most in touch with

Too many tears i have cried.
caused from angered emotions that eats away my insides.
No longer can i endure this pain
As my name is shadowed behind, a broken and nameless frame.
an eternity of pain has caused me to believe
for a silth drop of happiness cannot be exchanged to me or achieved.
a fantasy to live with tranquility and peace
a nightmare of struggles, choked with a touch of pain and grieve.

I got Tranquility in Chinese Writing on my forearm and I try to live by it too keep doing it dawg

10/10

thanks my dude!....upping this!

very nicely written. solid emotion, flow was on point (although it was a basic rhyme scheme... however it was nicely done), and the vocabulary was superb. agreed that you couldve been a bit more descriptive, but the piece is nice as is. dont agree that the vocabulary could've been better, i think it was just the way it should've been in a piece like this.

very nice drop, i enjoyed reading it.

i read all ur o.m's already but were too lazy to leave feed, LOl, but here u go

this was a very well written peice, it also contained very good vocab, the multies were right on point to keep it flowing nicely, this was real dope, keep it up, i will expect to see more from u, good shit

also ur closer and opener, was right now point, opened grasping the readers mind, and closed leaving them with no doubt

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Witness.

this was quite a nice peice,you have shown that you have great potential in this peice...your similies are what caught my eye at the start....they were very good,and made the imagery a lot better in this peice.You also did very well with your metaphors
'angered emotions '<---that was a very good metaphor.I feel that you could have done a lot better with the vocab in this peice,I love reading peices with a shit load of complex rhyming and great vocab in them,so I feel you should have placed some more in to this peice. Your rhyme scheme was alright,but it was too common,nearly all of the less developed writers use this scheme,what I mean is that you always had your rhymes at the end of each line,you should try to have a more complex rhyme scheme,peices do not always have to rhyme at the end of each line...it coul drhyme at the start or in the middle,also you could have placed more multie strings in to this peice....just to make it flow that little bit better. But overall this was a very interesting read, and I believe you could be a very very good writer in the future. Keep dropping and elevating. Look at SS verse and the topical Tutorials to help with your elevation. I'll be watching you closely to see how much you elevate lol. peace dude

---

i agree with witness i would of said wat he did put i couldnt be bothered to type out that much

the vocab, multies and mettas were well used the vocab was extremely good fa reall well done fa reall fa reall fa reall...aite keep ur shit up

More of these and u be one dope head...

hmmm short peice here... but had some strong emotion... all personal and felt from the heart... i didint like the titanic line.... just kind of threw me off everything... but you had some good stuff here... short and sweet... not much for imgery... but you had great emotion... keep it up.

thanks for the feed...really appreciated people!

By the way please return the favor :)
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301620

this was a very deep piece a liked the rythm an flow of this....the metas were very intricate in there own which lead the piece to be more, persay, eye-grabing. i can emphasise enough about the word choice here...very nicely put.. the metas are very good i cant emphasise enough of that either..

[B]Too many tears i have cried.
caused from angered emotions that eats away my insides.[B]

this had a very unique feeling....the personification is greatly well...this bar was one of the best..

the imagery was meh...it really didnt kick in till the end of this piece which is a well.......... let down but i really enjoyed this.

keep writing

9.1

thanks for the feed people...and LEX sure thing my dude!

meaningless smiles and joyless hello's
Hurtfull I LOVE YOU's and stabbing LET GO'S.

^nice... feel that shit
liked the first verse, seemed to say the most in such a few words
nice read through tho, no tounge twisted situations
be a tuff topic if you didnt know nothin about it, but ya covered it well
8/10