Helpless!

Helpless!

There's been many a disaster, & many accounts..
..but for me now, its only mine that'll ever count.
.
Thats why I vent..
.
One sunny day..
..I left the banks of my home town for Australia; Adelaide.
My dream was made, thanks to my possesions sold on ebay,
so I hit the old freeway - the girth of my trip begun in Perth.
Now in a country I visioned from birth, to really feel..
..what freedom's worth!
Alienated on foreign turf? Noone made this foreigner hurt.
As I honoured their earth, & told past tales of Orleans that stirred..
..reminiscent - age old minds. Tales that've grown with the times,
I was told of illogical nights, where Jazz & Rum ruled in rhyme.
It was clear that not only I - took New Orleans, physically to heart
cuz there's people who LOVE the city, from almost worlds apart.
.
It was in the 3rd week; my dream turned bleak and my soul sank
A hurricain tanked, and reaked havoc all over my homeland.
"GOD DAMNED", the world held its breath from America to England
Always two sides to a ying yang
but what happens when equality *BANGs*.
Mother Nature sang, and her melody carried waves of destruction
No more lovin', and sunshine.. a New Orlean induction-
now consists of the grind of pain, & a city left with nothing.
Sobbing while I was looking on for a week, preying on beads and bracelets
Some people say I was helpless, but all I ever feel is selfish.
No calls or messages from family members, cut deep..
..wounds while I sleep, & compound nightmares into dreams.
Now it seems to people I'm a recluse,
but a noose of weather never leaves no refuge.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y21...eek/topic6.jpg

Haven't yet reached any goal, just a forgotten land with many holes
and ditches for souls to lie-in. I'm sick to death of crying in droves!
& the closest new friends I chose, tried giving me their support loads
Yet the pain grows, "I'll graduate a sadness when the rain goes".
Still this evil chain holds.. & it gets worse when the skies are dark
I can't bare to watch the looting, so I head to my fave park.
I walk with a dangerous heart content - to turn back time..
..to turn whats mine, back to the norm'..
No more storm, just a slight shadow of its "Jazz Capitals" form-
..er self. My fucking city needs help, while I just walk
& self pitty. Shitty emotions take a back seat - signs talk -
there against the fence on the side-walk. Written in BLACK chalk
is a piece of writing that could leave cataract in awe.
.
I didn't forget..
..but for that moment, I felt I was welcomed in an instant.
Yet for all the support, my heart was dying in the distance.

Nice topic you chose to do here..

True story ? seems like it.

Quote:

---

Mother Nature sang, and her melody carried waves of destruction
No more lovin', and sunshine.. a New Orlean induction-
now consists of the grind of pain, & a city left with nothing.

---

The lines that stuck out most. Your whole verse
had as much of an impact though. True emotion
is what made this piece pretty good. Nice word
usage in your writing. When you write you have a
unique style of word selection a good word selection
which makes your OM's interesting to read, not
boring. Your vocabulary is another strong point
as well as flow. Compared to your other pieces
this one was ok. However the writing alone was
still a good read. Can't say much else piece was
short yet straight forward. Oh yes how you felt
about New Orleans was idsplayed with good emotion
your respect for New Orleans.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Illus'Artis

Nice topic you chose to do here..

True story ? seems like it.



The lines that stuck out most. Your whole verse
had as much of an impact though. True emotion
is what made this piece pretty good. Nice word
usage in your writing. When you write you have a
unique style of word selection a good word selection
which makes your OM's interesting to read, not
boring. Your vocabulary is another strong point
as well as flow. Compared to your other pieces
this one was ok. However the writing alone was
still a good read. Can't say much else piece was
short yet straight forward. Oh yes how you felt
about New Orleans was idsplayed with good emotion
your respect for New Orleans.

---

nicely said
ok this was a geat drop i love true stories that fan out and are read well with great posture and consistancy. Great multies and nice flow and great depth of emotion i LOEV emotional pieces..this was nice and interesting to read i enjoyed is brix...

RTF on my lnik called Shattered Reflection

This was a nice piece Brix. It was alittle more laid back and casual than your usual pieces, and that tone actually fed nicely into the "wonderer" kind of hopeless person image. The flow was ok, it was alittle stop and go for me, while I really like the style you typically use as it allows for more seamless transitions from bar-to-bar. The concept, it was cool I liked it... I really apreciate you doing this now, AFTER the hype surrounding hurricaine Katrina has died down. It makes the piece more emotional, because when people do shit when it's "In" or whatever it really just kills the vibe and makes the piece seem artificial, but this worked nicely. Overall, not my favorite piece from you, but a quality drop none the less.

Thanks peeps..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=295345

Wordplay: 10
Sturctre: 9
Story: 10
Creativity: 10
Flow: 9
Metaphores: 9

I really liked this peice and think its a HOF peice. Keep it up man.

Yea, this was a cool drop, but not as good as your other ones. I liked the story. Kind of straight forward and to the point, and it almost seemed like you were telling it from a personal perspective. Anyway, it was nothing too outstanding or brillant. I did like your metaphors/imagery though. You've always been very descriptive. The only thing that bothered me was your flow and transition. I had a hard time catching your flow at a lot of spots and found myself having to stop to grasp it again. Also, your pronunciation of some words aren't correct at all, like soul sank and homeland. Those do not rhyme at all, so that threw me off completely. Besides those simple easy to fix mechanics, I thought this was a pretty cool drop. Peace.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...42#post4670442

very nicely written. your opinions on the New Orleans issue were very interesting.

..to turn whats mine, back to the norm'..
No more storm, just a slight shadow of its "Jazz Capitals" form-
..er self. My fucking city needs help, while I just walk
& self pitty. Shitty emotions take a back seat - signs talk -

^these lines and a couple more were my favorite. you described the before & after effect of things so to say. you explain to the reader what things use to be but at the same time, how disorriented the items in the city are. the piece was beautiful. Vocabulary was deffinatly flawless, you had no points to me where i just fell off and had to catch myself, your internals were put to good use. just a great piece altogether. It makes you think about the travesty of the whole situation. great read.

be sure & hit the link at the top. I'd love your opinion.

Lmao Wtf Your Keynote On Rm.................

Damn. Lol.

No, Brix is Kareless.

OH...I clicked on the wrong link/battle. Sowwy.

*whew*....

This was a remarkable peice......it almost seemed true to me..excellent vocab throughout followed by some great imagery and emotion to top the peice off manking it simply amazing....you had some great lines in there but overall it was excellent....good rhyme scheme, nice multies here and there...overall this was a very nice peice..very enjoyable..its always a pleasure reading your peices....keep it up Brix.

Thanks. I'll be hitting up the left links when I get home.

ha most the pieces i seen from you tell me you get around a lot. or something like that..... lots of poetry effects added to this piece .was a smooth read. i prefer a lil more excitement.madness even myself.ha...emotion was crazy at times still n poured thru f'sho........overall wording and clarity was ace
high............



had some ill dope spots that went quite insane actually. like.


Sobbing while I was looking on for a week, preying on beads and bracelets
Some people say I was helpless, but all I ever feel is selfish.
No calls or messages from family members, cut deep..
..wounds while I sleep, & compound nightmares into dreams.
Now it seems to people I'm a recluse,
but a noose of weather never leaves no refuge.


yeah that was my kind of flow and delivery .. joint is lit and blazin still

pz

n yeah feel free to check out and reply to my latest piece

1

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299106

Thanks.. I'll get to Att's and Red's pieces soon.

Okay, okay, okay…..I can dig it man, I’m seeing you, peeping where you’re coming from, and I must say its inspiring. I usually skip over pieces like this – you know, the 9/11-war in Iraq – hurricane – disaster type of topics, I just feel like its all been said before ….and more often than not those type of verses are so jammed pack with “emotions” (notice the quotations) that most writers seem to totally disregard the lyrical mechanics that make piece worth reading in the first place. However, Helpless seems to be an attempt to break the mode and eradicating my preconceived notions. Because not only did the piece have a shit load of emotion (notice no quotions), but it also processed all the essentials I “tend” to admire in great open mics….

For instance:

Quote:

---

It was in the 3rd week; my dream turned bleak and my soul sank
A hurricain tanked, and reaked havoc all over my homeland.
"GOD DAMNED", the world held its breath from America to England

---

^Okay those lines were obviously ill from a technical standpoint, but what’s really most impressive to me is the fact that once I reached this point in your story I really started to connect with your perspective and the emotions of that time started to resurface within me. From there on out you had me hooked. I stopped analyzing and looking for things to critic and just started to pay attention and enjoy the ride, and to me as a writer, that is the type of relationship I want to share with my audience…and you executed that to a T.


Oh and:

Quote:

---

Mother Nature sang, and her melody carried waves of destruction
No more lovin', and sunshine.. a New Orlean induction-

---

^Wow….


All in all this was an excellent piece to me. I’m just sorry I waited so long to actually peep it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LedgenZ

Okay, okay, okay…..I can dig it man, I’m seeing you, peeping where you’re coming from, and I must say its inspiring. I usually skip over pieces like this – you know, the 9/11-war in Iraq – hurricane – disaster type of topics, I just feel like its all been said before ….and more often than not those type of verses are so jammed pack with “emotions” (notice the quotations) that most writers seem to totally disregard the lyrical mechanics that make piece worth reading in the first place. However, Helpless seems to be an attempt to break the mode and eradicating my preconceived notions. Because not only did the piece have a shit load of emotion (notice no quotions), but it also processed all the essentials I “tend” to admire in great open mics….

For instance:



^Okay those lines were obviously ill from a technical standpoint, but what’s really most impressive to me is the fact that once I reached this point in your story I really started to connect with your perspective and the emotions of that time started to resurface within me. From there on out you had me hooked. I stopped analyzing and looking for things to critic and just started to pay attention and enjoy the ride, and to me as a writer, that is the type of relationship I want to share with my audience…and you executed that to a T.


Oh and:


^Wow….


All in all this was an excellent piece to me. I’m just sorry I waited so long to actually peep it.

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Thanks, dude. Appreciate the detailed look in, & the time to write it.
*wishes people would start replying like this so I didn't have to mod' so much*

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...42#post4670442

^i left that years ago :mad:

this is hellah nice...even when i was spittin it was
soundin ill cuzz...deep...raw emotional type shit....
it was a gud leed up u know...that shit put a whole
different angle on it...i mean outside lookin in
still connected and shit...mad props fa dat...
i think like one or two words didnt fit....
but nothin too serious...fuck the emotion
is just ill...nice skillz...ill read...i like it
simple as that....