The Suffering

The Suffering.
By T-N GFX

My First Day On The Island I Knew Then My Life Was Over,
I Had Reached The Heart Of Darkness, A Stygians Abyss,
The Supreme Nexus Of Despair.........................
...............................................I Knew - The Suffering.


Engulfed By This Darkness, In My Mind Each Cell Holds Insane Stress
Into Deaths Mouth I Slowly Progress, Out Of This Hole I Must Excess
Getting Dragged In More As Time Went By, My Last Word To Say Good-bye
Named & Shamed As Abbots Bad Guy, Let Out Of Here Alive Must Be A Far Cry
Desparate Bid Too Get Out Of This Place, Looking For Heaven In A Gun Case
Other Cell Mates Giving Of A False Face, All More Buckled Than A Knee Brace


They Prime Us To Kill Each Other, Then Smile When We Do,
....But Dont Blame The Psychos, Abbot Sucks Us All Down. - The Suffering.

Trapped By The Prison We Survive In, Each One With Problems Deep Within
Stepping Onto This Island I Knew It Will Begin, To Cope With The Sufferin'
Closed In This Cage I Feel Alone, My Cell Mates With A Blood Smelling Cologne
Innocent Beings Swept Up By This Cyclone, In This Jail I Was Already Dissowned
Only Seeing Daylight For An Hour A Day, Always In Darkness When Will My Body Decay
Please Dont Feel Pity For This Story I Portray, Its Me That Got Me Trapped This Way

Take Away A Mans Light, Clothes, His Food, A Friend, His Air,
And You Leave Him With Nothing But Himself................
........................For Most That Is Not Pleasent Company. - The Suffering.

I Know This Story Hits Hard With Emotion, A Short While Ill Be Dead By The Potion
Most People Dont Agree With This Notion, But Its The Pyscho Ward Who Set The Motion
The Officers Not Caring About Our Feelings, They Forget We Are Still Actually Human Beings
My Children Holding Me Tightly Clinging, Everyone Wonders About This Killers Upbringing
Ill End My Story Now By Saying My End Is Nigh, The Pictures Always Brings Out A Sigh
Including The Feelins Of A Death Row Guy, But Please Do Me A Favor And Dont Ever Ask Why.

The State Penitentiary Holds Many Ghoulish Secrets,
Inside The Walls Holds Many Differnt Storys.......
..............This That Was Told, Was Only The One. - The Suffering.

Freestyle - M.A.D
Seeing Inside - Thomas

Uppin [1]

Uppin [2]

Pretty nice Om. As of I seen your work before. I didn't like the fact of the color green in the verse. That just threw me off. I don't know why though, it just did. but there were some good concept's in here & topic was ok and original. you could have used more vocab & meta's in your verse. that is what alot of people do not include in there piece's is mostly meta's & i am one. i liked the way u stood on point which was the topic. Ok, & don't use the color green no more. Lol. overall ok piece keep at it though.

Feed Back Appreciated:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=297415

WeRD.... I Just Used Green B/cuz I Wanted The Quotes To Stand Out, They Are What Gave Me The Idea Of Writting This Verse. But Thanks.

Uppin [3] .. Last Time Tonite.

I thought that your piece was honest and conveyed strong emotions, which you supported. The concept is different, it's nice to read something besides and violence lol.
I did feel that this particular piece had more of a poetic feel, but anyways, just my opinion lol. I agree with ~Silent~, you could have used more complex vocab. and more metaphors. Other than that, your work is well written and I hope to read more from you.

Respect.

Thanks... Upp.

a good topic you chose, a different one to all the other....good structure and layput of the hole thing....good rymes and wording to express what you was ryting....great creativity and imagary i had a good picture of what you was ryting....the lines wernt strected and they flowed really well....in all it was a good peice but dnt use diff colurs keep it up

This was a potentially good piece but your lines were very stretched for the most part. I liked your take on the topic but I felt you could have delved a little deeper into it and focused more or his pysche and his need for company rather than just describing an overview of the prison.

'My First Day On The Island I Knew Then My Life Was Over,
I Had Reached The Heart Of Darkness, A Stygians Abyss,
The Supreme Nexus Of Despair.........................'

^That was probably your best line. I love the description 'The Supreme Nexus of despair'. These little accronyms you kept posting in green were probably the best part of this piece. In future work on not stretching your lines so much and maybe trying to keep to a more regulalar meter.

Peace

OK Thanks For That.

Tek i liked this one. it ahd good imagery. when i saw the topic i didnt expect it to be as good as it was. but u made this topic seem fresh. good imagery good mettas and just an overall good piece. u are more than just a gfx makah u also got skills. u need to start rappin again. good job bruh

You Wana See Ma New Rappin Skills.. PM Me. :2thumb:

definitely dope i enjoyed reading it the structure was on point, vocab flow and all that, the topic was something i could easily picture throughout the piece and understood it pretty easily without having to read it a million times, though i read it more than once anyway, nice job, stay up


word

Thanks Fam... Much Apreciated.

Let This Die.

this was nice..i like how your elevating real fast....nice emotion and true structure and depth in vocab. nice delivery and sense of being!. really well read! yes you had stretched lines but your depth of emotion and vocab made up for it!

i will link you later for feedback

WeRD.. Thanks Fam.