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Cramped For Lives
http://www.holocaust-history.org/hun...pg/12-1141.jpg
Cramped For Lives
Swastika branded soldiers march deserted streets
Hunting in apparant ghost towns
Firearms at hand thriving to hiding jewish heart beats
Locked in cramped attics most are found
cuddled around sweating beads from the heat of fear
a family choking on death is captured
last heard screaming tied in a truck only to dissapear
heads hang low soaking in terrible rapture
Bastard! screams from the lungs of a proud captive
Soldier Slapped him; as his wifes tears shed
the kneeling man spit in disgust; so the nazi shot him
"we only had room for 1 more anyways"
easily said the general leaving the man dead
Concentration Camps sprout on "German" lands under Nazi commands
and the degradation damned millions of "Germans" by Nazi Hands
Shreiking demands peirced bodies of skin and bones to do hard labor
like burying skin and bones of family and friends murded by a dictator
stomachs growl from hunger;bodies ache from whip; yet they work
hoping for a savior, later to free them from this life of ever lasting hurt
Forced into overly crowded buildings to rest on stacked wooden beds
they sleep where theres no clear for them,unknowingly sleep with the dead
as pain an suffering tares at the nightmares killing the captives in rest
death infests within camps raging of hatred which all who lived it possessed
Prisoners began to dig pits marked as graves where there "kind" now laid
whips & chains scraped the backs of those who prayed still believeing in faith
while others diligently worked flowing with hate giving up on so called waste
each day seeing trains laced with dirt caked faces, facing a working grave
Blood, sweat, and tears soaked the dirt of those who could no longer take it
weak bodies relentlessy try to save them, knowing what theyll be faced with
brutally taken from fields, hundreds at a time are packed in lamenting rooms
where bullets unload, & those who live suffocate painfuly from venting fumes
no visible room for casualities they casually pack more bodies into heaping pits
covering it up & leaving it, each day seeing this with nobody to greave with
Camps could not longer grow rapidly enough to keep up with the mass visits
labor turn to medical experiments & strictly death camps like Auschwitz
Years of pain passed as deaths grew
still it was not over
far more suffering to go through
for those who live
a man lucky enough to enter a death camp
and never taste death
was still stabbed with pain for in his past
he lost his children & wife
they were forcefully boarding the last train
5 children, 3 women , 3 men
screams of children & women faded when slain
for there was only room for one....
...11 was difficult
but 3 men were managable enough
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The sleeping is not appreciated :( ....
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Typical OMs.....put me on the waiting list lol
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Wow why is this being slept on? This piece was dope fam forreal. Imagery was executed beautifly, really had me there and going through this torture. Emotion was also very well done. Vocabulary was very high which is always good and topic was very original. Flow was a little choppy at time but other than that, it was a very dope piece forreal fam.
Blood, sweat, and tears soaked the dirt of those who could no longer take it
weak bodies relentlessy try to save them, knowing what theyll be faced with
brutally taken from fields, hundreds at a time are packed in lamenting rooms
where bullets unload, & those who live suffocate painfuly from venting fumes
Wow, this was definantly my fav. part
Keep droppin fam, look forward to more.
Peep these please:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296001
^First collab ever done this way I believe
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294102
^The Devils Apprentice
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this shouldn't be slept on this.It was a very good peice but these bastards round here tend to sleep on anything lol.The imagery in this peice was very very good it kept me wondering what will happen next and made me read on to find out.You explained everythin with immense detail and it came out very well.You structured your peice well,it was easy to read and flowed well in most places but in others there were some words that seemed force and knocked the flow off a little bit. The topic you chose is an original one and I really enjoyed the fresh concepts that you came up with......your vocabulary was also very good which made your peice more complex,and as a result of that,made it a lot better. Nice work dude,keep dropping.
Blood, sweat, and tears soaked the dirt of those who could no longer take it
weak bodies relentlessy try to save them, knowing what theyll be faced with
brutally taken from fields, hundreds at a time are packed in lamenting rooms
where bullets unload, & those who live suffocate painfuly from venting fumes
^I also think that this was the best part of your drop.
props dude keep it up
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^^Thanx for the feedback..
Still would like some more..
will return the favor
just hit me up
peace
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this shit was pretty good... it was a good topic... it was like u dug real deep on information bout tha topic... sum niggas dont kno shit bout tha topic... shouldnt be slept on... all of it was pretty good no favorite part but keep it up.
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this was tight. i loved it..it was nice to follow due to the excellent flow continusely throughout this peice....good rhymes and multies throughout......nice strucutre..imagery was dope for real...nice vocab and complexity...and overall this was a very good peice..keep it up...
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Thanx for the kind words...
...i will try to RTF's as soon as i can.
thank you
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Okay ill get what i thought was wrong with the piece out of the way first. . the way your piece is written with the lines being as long as they are is cool but only when the lines are swimming with internals. . Becasue imo, when your reading long lines like that they become boring if you dont have the internals to provide the flow that will keep a reader intrested, its hard to explain what i mean. . i can see you have SOME internals, but not enough. . Sorry if you dont see what i mean, if we were speeking in person it would be a whole lot easier to explain
But yeh, thats the only flaw i can pick in this written to behonest. You had the imagery packed in there and your descriptions didnt just become pointless rambles like most writers do. . nice concept. great piece
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...48#post4576348
Gimee some feed on that
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I'll Come Back And Leave Feed SOOn
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^^ya...this piece i didnt rlly focus on internals n stuff..i just focused more on the content....i understand greatly....
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Yeah internals are overated anyways. They mess up diction in a piece, by the way the diction in this was aalmost flawless. The intro was beautiful in a gory way. The way the words meshed the image above and extended beyond it. I really felt the picture come alive, like the bodies were actually groaning. This is something thats important about these pictures topicals, making the picture come real. Nice flip overall to the piece man and the low internal usage was okay cause you ahd great diction.
RTF Please:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294859
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omfg, this piece is crazy. i feel like shit for not trying as hard as you did on my piece now lol. this was a really nice piece. the storyline, everything, it was so horrificly true and the burdens on these peoples shoulders were brought to a meaning in this OM. you really took it to town here, and it looks to me like SOMEBODY'S lookin' to be OM HoF .. this was deffinatly worthy in my eyes, the flow was near flawless after the beginning (which honestly threw me off in some parts) ..then, you got to the MAIN part, the filling of the story, and it was so amazing. each word collided right into the next, they just seemed like a new language the way they were written. dunno, if its just me, someone say it. but i think it was hott ..good job
be sure and look at my last piece, Motivated Killers ..thanks for the read Spekz.
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Someone give this piece to the history teacher....Very sad piece, BUT true. It's hard keeping a flow to something like this, but you did it. The whole main body structure was excellent, I would'nt change a thing. Very on point and discriptive, not to mention the facts also thrown in there. I'm not to good at giving critisism, cuz all the pieces I read all seem better than mine, but I like seeing all the shit thats still being talked about (Studied), come out in the form of a rhyme. If there is something I WOULD change, its the intro and outro poem, does'nt really follow a 'rhyme 2 rhyme' structure, but it's all good, cuz you just described the biggest talked about part of the holocaust in under 30 lines. Dont know what else to say, great piece, enjoyed reading it, keep it up!
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CRY...always love ur feedback its very lifting..
thanx for e/body that left great feedback
keep ups
