Just for Laughs

Victim number one
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=...ch_despair.jpg
Her tear drops form a pool of fear
While I grab her ear, and pull her near
And sneer, at the sight of anguish
Which she produces, I speak a language
That confuses this bitch and makes her scream
As I proceed to slice her apart at the seam
The knife glints with the reflection of the sea
I penetrate a vein, then joyfully watch her bleed
And laugh as I drown her and flee, once again free

Victim number two
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=...ery/Crying.jpg
I whisper and stroke her straight blonde hair
I say ‘Do not fear, The end is here, do not be scared’
She slaps my face, and tries to make an escape
I grab her leg, and start slicing with haste
She cries in agony as the artery splits
I glance to my left, because a fire is lit
My own plan makes me smile, it’s genius
I’ll just burn this bitch and leave the scene
Yes…..but she won’t let it be that easy
She raises her left leg and kicks me in the head
I break her fucking nose, and drag her to the bed
I rape the bitch, I screw the fuck out of the awkward whore
Then rise from the bed, stride over the floor and lock the door
Then light the torch, kicked her and said ‘tonight you scorch’
I leave the abandoned house as the flames creep out
Victim number two, will never again speak out

Victim number three
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=...n/AWAKEN16.jpg
The final chapter of my glorious killing spree
Soon somebody will end up killing me
This one I have dubbed the gorgeous ginger
Laughing because she doesn’t know I’m gonna kill her
I walk over gently, with a drink in my hand, it’s spiked
Because I’m getting this bitch unconscious tonight
No fight will be had, it will go ahead like clockwork
Because killing’s the fun, sex is only the perk
She drops to the floor, I rush forward to her
Pretending to care, I lift her and mount a stair
They ask me where I’m going, I tell them to stay there
With lust in my heart, and pain in my brain
I penetrate her, while my violently pulsating vein
Warns me that if this gets more exiting I’ll go insane
I quickly drug her, and lay her on the bed, her head
Is sweating, as she takes her last breath and is dead
I laugh out loud, and make my escape through the window opened
And really hoping, that the police are here, I need them
They are, I confess to the killings, and then
I pull out a gun, kill three officers and an innocent baby
Then I slice the throat of a random by standing lady
I ask them to shoot, they oblige to my request
My chest explodes as I laugh in Jest
I love the pain, I feel no guilt, just pure joy
I die in a puddle of blood
But not before killing a little eight year old boy

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...71#post4528471

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...13#post4528513

upping

and again

I loved and hated this piece at the same time. I loooooooved the concept and the approach, but I felt like you should have been more consistant in the depiction of your actions, because they came off as very contradictory to taht of what a serial killer typically does. What I mean by that is, the way you started most of the stanzas was very poetic, and rather than seeming lusty or obtuse it seemed as though it was love... And never angst, but then you would continue to slip into this obscure hateful and vulgar individual who would mangle these girls. Maybe thats what you wanted, to have the "quite guy" and show his second face or whatever... But I think it would have gave it a much more eerie feel if you had kept the content loving yet worked in those same currupt actions in poetic action rather than blunt wording. Not bad, just I couldnt help but to think of ways this could have been alot better. Stay up and keep writing man.

Wow dope imagery and creativity in this piece making it stand out much more than anything else also great structure even thought I had to look from side to side to find them and it was a great take on this topic and it was a good topic so I really respect you after reading this piece it's a unique and impressive drop and it looks a bit like HOF material keep it up man and I also liked how you used the pics as Victims.

thanks for the feed people

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Myself

I loved and hated this piece at the same time. I loooooooved the concept and the approach, but I felt like you should have been more consistant in the depiction of your actions, because they came off as very contradictory to taht of what a serial killer typically does. What I mean by that is, the way you started most of the stanzas was very poetic, and rather than seeming lusty or obtuse it seemed as though it was love... And never angst, but then you would continue to slip into this obscure hateful and vulgar individual who would mangle these girls. Maybe thats what you wanted, to have the "quite guy" and show his second face or whatever... But I think it would have gave it a much more eerie feel if you had kept the content loving yet worked in those same currupt actions in poetic action rather than blunt wording. Not bad, just I couldnt help but to think of ways this could have been alot better. Stay up and keep writing man.

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ok I think you got that from the second stanza.....it started of like he was in love because he wanted to be gantle with her...but it became violent and bloody because she tried to get away,which made him angry....I knew that question would come up...I hope I exlained it well enough for you

lmfao, man this was one of the best peices i've red lately, allthough i dont read much, it made me laugh more than anything, i think you started off slow, the 1st one was cool, but wasent az good as the others... my fav was probably the 3rd one, made me crack the fuck up...

az for vocab and words used.. was good, some parts good of been worded better with better words, but mostly it was fine, flow wasnt choppy and the rhyme sceme was good too..
i liked the concept and the way you went about it.. very much enjoyed..
good shit.

i might nominate this for HOF actually..

-diz..

lol thanks for the feed dude.....and I'm glad somebody found it funny

The imagery in this was DOPE AS FUCK. But everything else was mediocre. The story kept me in suspense, and kept making me wanna read on, but every other line seemed forced...especially in that third paragraph. U fucked up with the ending, it was too forced. If U ended on a better note, I'd probably have a different perception right now, but this piece was just above average at best.

Still a great read though.

uppin

No, I understood that aproach, but this wasn't the best format for it. That would have worked out better if you used one victim and told the whole story from love to hate with her rather than setting up 3 examples. Oh, and I just saw you post in my Om... This is Atticus.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Myself

No, I understood that aproach, but this wasn't the best format for it. That would have worked out better if you used one victim and told the whole story from love to hate with her rather than setting up 3 examples. Oh, and I just saw you post in my Om... This is Atticus.

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oh word......didn't know who you were....and yea I get what you mean,thanks for the advice dude

I liked this, the concept was cool and really got into the mind of a sadistic killer. The imagery was great and the rhymescheme was alright, just felt kinda simple at points. This had a poetic vibe to it at some points but then u'd get directly hardcore, not a bad thing tho, it just would have been better if u stuck with one style thru-out the whole thing. The emotion was well done, but i felt like u could have been more detailed with how the killer was killing... or instead of detailed just simply more creative instead of the old fashion rape and stab/drown.

Please return the favor in my sig, there's a link to "is it a sin to kill an insect?"

done.uppin

absolutley stunning i loved that idea imagrey content wordplay... creativity
everything was their u made me want to read more and even made me laugh... props hommie keep writing!!
10/10

thanks dude

i thought this piece was ill......beautiful imagery.....vocab was pretty dope...it wasnt the most complex but it worked for this peice perfectly....your rhyme scheme i personaly liked...it had its funny parts.....nice multis..you stayed on point mos def...i dug this piece mos def...keep droppin and elevatin~1~

wow.....this was something for real....this was real Dope.
flowed excellently...the concept was awsome..interesting.
Rhymes and imagery were dope throughout......
I followed this whole peice and i was feeling everybit of it
nice creativity and vocab usage here and there...
overall this was dope. keep it up...

Your one sick guy, you know that right?.. Even if this was a piece, it was weird as hell. I mean, I really cant think of anything to say instead of "wtf?". Anyways, dissreguarding the concept, you had an ok imagenary. Nice flow for the most part, but could get choppy at times. I actually hope you can make some more OM's with sain concepts. Keep writing, and good job.. pz

dude sane just isn't my style.......if I am going to be branded as 'sick',then so be it

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Catastrophe

Your one sick guy, you know that right?.. Even if this was a piece, it was weird as hell. I mean, I really cant think of anything to say instead of "wtf?". Anyways, dissreguarding the concept, you had an ok imagenary. Nice flow for the most part, but could get choppy at times. I actually hope you can make some more OM's with sain concepts. Keep writing, and good job.. pz

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fuck off your whack.

bump

lmao this shit was fucking great one of the best pieces ive read in ages well done. good imagery man keep it up peace

thanks dude

feel free to nominate it lol