|Speak Heaven| -Makeshyft

Speak Heaven

.
.

If the devil may cry, then let hell scream
There will be no pain tonight as she dreams

There will be no pain tonight rest in peace
Awaking at my feet, I let heaven speak.

.
.

Shadows can't dream, shadow's can't speak
But without the light, shadow's can't breathe
It's a battle between humans, call It ambition
As we search for our souls we find that our own is missin'
I witnessed my mothers last words.. last struggles
"I'll see you soon," I barely mumbled, past rebuttles
Every fight we've had flashed infront of my eyes
And If you ain't ready to die, then neither am I
I can see her disguise; is that really her soul?
Fallin' to pieces.. or Is she really pure gold
Like a million carats, diamonds never break
A jewel that gleamed, life forever awake
But don't ever awake, this world is a bitter one
Please don't take her, please just consider one
I wished she'd be alright, but the cancer
Was the only fiend to ever reply or answer
To my wish, so now I bow my head and cry
As she coughs, last step towards the edge of time
In a world that was never alive, I was blind
I gave her heaven, she gave me heaven and light
And so my shadow stumbles on, awakened
And to you fiends on your knees, death is overrated.

.
.

You all have the power, even though the light is broke
.To release heaven into the soul of a dying hope.




-Dedicated To my mother, and even tho she ain't here, she's shining down.. giving my shadowed life the determination and drive to move forward.

- Love Eric.

I'll get links later. Pz.

What the hell happend with that first verse man? Everything was very well written and worded, thought provoking... But that first stanza you had just sucked. Luckily I pushed myself to reed on because it really improved. The piece was great, had nice flow and a solid concept, structure was nice. All in all a strong piece, but, next time make sure you really strive for perfection in those first few lines because many readers gadge whether they're going to reed on or not based on those few lines. Good job, stay up man.

Be dope if you could return the favor on the link in my sig.

I wrote two beggining stanzas, but after I look over the piece the one I just put in is alot better. Up & I'll peep your shit sometyme tonight.

Peace.

whuddUPPIN.

Quote:

---

Shadows can't dream, shadow's can't speak
But without the light, shadow's can't breathe

---

^dope bar.
The rhymescheme throughout the piece was cool, nothing special.. it was an easy read and filled with a lot of emotion. I liked the wording you used cuz it made it flow well. The concept was cool, but maybe rhyming less used words would have been much better... like u rhymed cancer with answer.. that's been does a trillion times... so yeah pretty good piece, but if every bar was as strong as that shadow bar i quoted then this def would have been HOF material.

return the favor in my sig.. there's a link "is it a sin to kill an insect?"

cool man ill get around to that later tonight, tight feed.. haven't done an OM in a hella long tyme, turned audio head now.. UPin

Do i look like a matress? Stop sleepin' on me RB.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294611

If you'd be so kind.

Quote:

---

Be dope if you could return the favor on the link in my sig.

---

lol cudnt find the link in your sig. Werd ill cheak it out.

yeah I agree it was a farely decent drop.
did feel the emotion but was unclear about what I read.
Still the feel was right for the outlook.
so I can say you did good.

cool feed, up.

WhuddUP

Fup.

I'd agree that it started off weakly. In future that's something you could improve upon... consistency throughout the hole piece.

After the begining it improved tremendously. The emotion & meaning in this were exceptional... you worded everything very well. I felt that you could've been more creative when writing this. A lot of what you wrote seemed quite blatent, and I felt that more subtle or creative imagery would be benificial. I do feel the subject was a bit played... in future when doing an often wrote on topic I would attempt to add a new twist. Despite these gripes, I did enjoy this piece. Keep writing bro.

cool feed, up.

Slup.

Last up. Word coo feed, all tight.