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Burden On My Shoulders
They traversed a diverse universe of meticulous perfection
But now my creations headed in a stupid and ridiculous direction
Pessimistic infections; is this how I am indemnified for my work
Emissary defections; my makings are now identified as bezerk
Highest plateau of the learned, mortals haven't been there in a while
But instead they are lead into a portal to despair and denial
Ill repair them with trials; a trip to hell and back could be the remedy
Send em to Confession. Make a peasants last chat with my emissr'y
Or take on an identity, send a second Messiah to spread the Word
Maybe kill entertainment; since elected Geisha's misled the world
. . Or instead I'll burn Earth . .
I will - destroy the sinners and visit Noah's little ancient bloodline
Tell him to create the Ark again, to change his stoic situation to a crunchtime
Perhaps ill put up a crucifix to the nations underlying sinners and traitors
Practicing sinning behavior, that'll make them stop belittling saviors
The attrition is savored, but I will break the promise I gave Noah
Earthquakes and floods to make the tectonics behave slower
Supersonic rain showers, breaching the ozone and the skin of wretches
On my command nature will leave the devote alone but distill the witches
Ill leave earth filled with riches, only the purest devotees will survive
Disturbed enemies of mine will be smite by the mighty hands of Thine
The Aphrodite's of the time, but only of the mind, will run the planet
The meek shall inherit the earth, and step above the damage
Love the chances....
The chance for pure minds to rule so Ill get perturbed slower
For I am god, and these wreteched sinners are the burden on my shoulders
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not all of the rest.
lol
what does stoic mean? um, for me your vocab was too big- the 3+ sylable words fuck up the flow and... mmm, i just didn't like it... but- um, people that dig this sorta stuff should so , cool cool
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hey man, what does stoic mean?
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emotionless.. indifferent..
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yeah, thats cool- i liked ur piece much more on the second read. its probably the weed woa- that rhymed- i should write lyrics or sumthing...
Perhaps ill put up a crucifix to the nations underlying sinners and traitors
Practicing sinning behavior, that'll make them stop belittling saviors
The attrition is savored, but I will break the promise I gave Noah
Earthquakes and floods to make the tectonics behave slower
yeah man
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"I will - destroy the sinners and visit Noah's little ancient bloodline
Tell him to create the Ark again, to change his stoic situation to a crunchtime
Perhaps ill put up a crucifix to the nations underlying sinners and traitors"
Dope. This piece, especially these lines, begs to be recited in poetry house. Vocab was superb, imagery hit every inch of my senses, and your structure was well. Overall: Not bad.
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not all bad kid. wasn't expecting this from you, but i attacked it with a more direct simplistic approach. hopefully it'll be a close battle ;) . . .
the piece here, was very well portrayed. and the reason i didn't write on the topic is because it'd seem like i was stealing the whole theme of the piece. this is almost the exact duplicate of what i was thinking when i chose this as one of our five topics. the idea is real original, and the vocabulary was alright. Using larger words is not what makes a piece good, and i think you got a LITTLE carried away with your vocab. sometimes simple is better, but in your case, i think you just about mastered the topic. Decent piece and well worthy of a win, but we'll see what the voters think.
Good luck on the battle, and cool piece.
!Nash
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man you sound like fuckin aesop rock or mf doom or some shit...
your vocab is fuckin crazy, specially for a kid that can't even buy a ticket to a rated R movie. I'm betting you don't even have a tv, do you, you just spend all your time reading and searching the web for new words to use....huh? LOL....just messin' around. Anyways this piece was nice. It had a lot of choice language as well as a whole heep of interesting ideas. There we more than a few good lines to choice from, but here are some of the ones that I liked the best:
. . Or instead I'll burn Earth . .
I will - destroy the sinners and visit Noah's little ancient bloodline
Tell him to create the Ark again, to change his stoic situation to a crunchtime
Perhaps ill put up a crucifix to the nations underlying sinners and traitors
^yeah the flow was fucked from the get-go, but the content was hot. I really liked how you played the hand of God in commanding fashion.
also:
Supersonic rain showers, breaching the ozone and the skin of wretches
On my command nature will leave the devote alone but distill the witches
^I thought that was a tight revelation....
I dunno this piece was weird...but I liked it....good job young obi one
peace.
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damn you, I LOVE TV!
lol. anyway.. thanx to yall.. upping
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