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Tired of this Shit
Tired of this Shit
I'm tired of this shit; it has tortured me all day
It had to stay, and this shit just won't go away
It is toying with my brain, so mentally it hurts
The afflict is horrid at first, in awhile it'll convert
Butt if a bit of shit slips, it would probably ruin me
It would burn mentally, and leave a streak morally
I try to push away the pain, but it doesn't come out
These emotions are doing me in, without any doubt
As it runs away from me, I try to pull it all back
But then it came all at once, like a terrorist attack
I rush to the tissue, and wipe away any of my tears
I’m waiting for an answer, its seeming like years
The teacher won’t let me leave, rapidly I shake
Rush down the hallway, trying to make a break
Alas! I’ve found my destination, finally I relax
Inside of me it screams, and leaves me a few facts
I know this piece is short; it’s easy to read quick
But it’s for you to view; next time you need to take a shit
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lol....the you had me believing this was some serious shit till i got to the last line
nice concept dawg, its creative even though its about taking a shit
nice little twist..gave me my first laugh of the day
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Butt if a bit of shit slips, it would probably ruin me
^^lol that line gave it away for me
nice wordplay nice twist u had me deep into it until that line^^^
nice concept lol u cum up wid it all ya self?
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Lol I liked this.AInt super dope but was a good piece.You had me thinkin it was going to be a real serious piece but ended up with you needing to take a shit.I thought it was very enjoyable and it did make me chuckle.You had good creativity also.Never seen anything like this from you and its good to see a change.Structure was very good.You know what you could of improved on but that does not really matter in a piece like this.Nice shit bro ;)
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kinda short but this was was pretty nice. topic was alright. not really new or creative. but this was nice. good structure. good flow. nice and smooth. rhymes were good. could have used more multies. vocab was alright. could be upped quite a bit. same with complexity. overall this was a nice read. keep it up man.
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lol had me thinking you was on some serious stuff at the beggining until the 'Butt if a bit of shit slips, it would probably ruin me' line came through. i thought you used wordplay quite good and was quite funny at the end. good simple rhyme sceme.. btu worked well for what you intended.
8/10
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funny..im as high as a crackhead on tha first of tha month.minus tha crack..of course..but i thought you was into some serious shit..and then it wasnt ...clever little muse...pretty tight piece..everything was basic but it was funny and creative..not bad...keep elevatin and droppin.~1~
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Heh this piece was very creative in its own right...This is what makes Poetry/Music/Art so fun...The way you can play with them so much...I liked this piece...Its a nice relax piece from the usual "Gotta Be Serious" shit on here...Good shit...14 eh? Good creativity for your age...keep the creativity flowin...Nice job...
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yea, it was just a mess around piece, but I tried to save the punchline til the end.
upping
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It wasn't bad. You could've elaborated more on the concept, delved deeper into what shit was happening (not poop), as to mislead people earlier on. Because really I just read through it and felt no emotion, because it wasn't an emotional piece. I did appreciate the punch though.
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thank you feebs.. upping for more feedback
This was just a piece to make me laugh kinda..
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LOL! some funny 'shit' nice tha way u talk round it untill the end i had 2 read over this twice because i was wonderin wtf its about untill dat last line lol then it all made sence flow was their n nice rhymes too gud pice
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lmao dude
Glad I clicked on this. Very crude... but creative. The concept you wrote on was... interesting, and because of the short length it held my interest. I do feel you could've used more crisp imagery, but that could've easily given away the true nature of the drop I suppose. Perhaps it could've been executed better, but for what it is, it's great. Thnx for the read & the laugh.
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Last up, please leave some feed people.
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omg.. anyone?
please? just post something
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Dope Concept, It Had Me Going Till I Read The Last Line
I Like How Its Short But U Get The Point Across
I Really Enjoyed The First 4 Lines
This Was A Really Nice Piece
Had Good Multis And Metas
Overall I Would Say An 8 Or More
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I thought this peice was quite good,I liked the multi strings that you incorporated in to this peice,they really made it flow very well.You had a nice concept here,and I liked the way you kept your lines short and to the point. Basically the only thing that I wasn't too impressed with in this peice was the lack of imagery,I felt that you could have improved on that quite a bit. But I liked this peice,and it did make me laugh. Nice work but I know you can do a lot better than this.keep at it.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296067
^leave feed on that please
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Greqt piece. Wordplay was nice. Flow was perfect. Structre was ok and the story was great. Keep this shit up.
