Revenge (part 1)

Pain beats through my veins, as does this knife
My life will cease to exist, this very night
The decay in my brain, causes sour reactions
Torrents of rain, drown my once fiery passion
I have duelled with Satan, and God was his second man
Coming together to raise my own personal hell on this land
They have invaded my space, fought through the jungle of my soul
Reawakened my darker side, the side that is darker than coal
My eyes squint to see what lays beneath, what’s the deeper meaning?
Do God and Satan come together and plot my demise in a meeting?

‘Well one of them will have to take me soon
I will torment them, I will be dead by noon’

I hold my head aloft as my life flashes before me
It has tore me, my whole existence has been stormy
But now I will get them back, my plan is to get revenge
The greatest plot ever, will be invisible to the eyes of men
For it is my spirit that will torment my oppressors, they will scream
The mighty team of good and evil, will be torn apart at the seam
I slice through this vein, as I watch the blood pour, I smile
I know my plan will come in to action, in a little while
God and Satan will bow before the man that they once destroyed
They will cry, but their destiny, they can not avoid.

‘I rush through the portal of life and death at top speed
My evil tendencies will very soon be freed’

To Be Continued

1st link

2nd link

uppin for feed

feed

don't sleep on this

lazy fucks

This was an aight verse. As a prelude or intro to your main body of work it's pretty good however, in some of your lines the vocab fell and it got a lil confused. It seemed a bit forcefull, i have to say this isn't as fluid as your usual poetics. I still reckon you did a good job and it will allow you to make a pretty good part 2....so G/L with that.

Quote:

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My eyes squint to see what lays beneath, what’s the deeper meaning?
Do God and Satan come together and plot my demise in a meeting?

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^Favourite line of the lot

thanks for the feed,it's appreciated...this only took 15 mins,so it's not even nearly my best

hold my head aloft as my life flashes before me
It has tore me, my whole existence has been stormy
But now I will get them back, my plan is to get revenge
The greatest plot ever, will be invisible to the eyes of men
that shit was my fav part
i liked this piece alot its a overall good piece
ur flow was off at very lil parts but most of thya time it was good
tha wordplay was really good not off pretty much at all
tha strutre was meh it couldve been alot better but w/e
ur topic was pretty good not many ppl write on this kinda thing
but ye this was no where near as good as some of ur last

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The Witness.

thanks for the feed,it's appreciated...this only took 15 mins,so it's not even nearly my best

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I know, for 15 it's good, na mean

Check this, if ya gotta the time
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290086

I'll leave feed on that soon dude

def angel quote:

hold my head aloft as my life flashes before me
It has tore me, my whole existence has been stormy
But now I will get them back, my plan is to get revenge
The greatest plot ever, will be invisible to the eyes of men
that shit was my fav part
i liked this piece alot its a overall good piece
ur flow was off at very lil parts but most of thya time it was good
tha wordplay was really good not off pretty much at all
tha strutre was meh it couldve been alot better but w/e
ur topic was pretty good not many ppl write on this kinda thing
but ye this was no where near as good as some of ur last




Ite, nothing special.

get the fuck outta here with that bullshit feed

^^ agreed with that comment.

anyway for 15 mins this was quite tight, but I believe you could've done better. Why? cuz I just know lol.
I could follow your flow easy, and this had some quite good lines. The part that I liked the most was:

I slice through this vein, as I watch the blood pour, I smile
I know my plan will come in to action, in a little while
God and Satan will bow before the man that they once destroyed
They will cry, but their destiny, they can not avoid.

^^ that shit is just raw, and it's sorta my style. And the last 2 lines are just very dope. I would love to see that shit happen fo real lol

good job

thanks for the feed,it's appreciated

aye...
this shit was on point
you dropped a decent flow to this the whole thng was interesting as i read because you brought out the topic well you had some tight bars as well
this was some real type shit like as i read i i felt as if i could imagine that shit though so atleast when you drop somethin you pain images in minds when they read something you write...

great flow some good punches