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Lil Suzie
Be
An Ordinary
Man clearly not
An Extraordinary Land
Be
An Ordinary
Man Clearly Not
A Very Extraordinary
Land, walk hand in hand
To future that looks all bland
What is ordinary, for G’s its glocks and AK’s
For Philosophers its how intricate time plays
For Mystics it’s learning Gods ways
For me it’s the ethereal Daze
Time passing in Haze
Being ordinary
But this is about lil Suzie. To ordinary for her own good
Suzie was a young girl 4ft 4” bland hair she kept them with curls
distressing how the story unfurls, like a blossoming bud tossed and hurled
3 years she had been in elementary, atomosphere unfriendly only animosity
Just 20 enemies, black hearted lil kids in bids plotting a new taunt a trick
Came up with the putrid plan to push petrified Suzie in a bush thicket
The wrists bled as she fell into the dead pricks of the plants
Crying for “Mommy” while the other kids laughed and danced
They pranced and poked lil Suzie down the lanes of roads, threw toads
At her feet and face, in disgrace Suzie ran to another place, the chase
Went on and on, then they were gone, same things going on for 3 years long
Now Suzie is left………….. Crying at the gutter
Stutters and slips………….on streams of butter
The Skull painted ……………The grey road red
Now Lil Suzie………….…..in peace and dead
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Up this for some comments
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Damn This Was A Real Deep Piece, I Enjoyed Reading This Fo Real. I All'most Had A Tear In My Eye, Poor Lil Suzie Lol, Nah Bruv On A Serious Note You Oughta Try N' Up Ya Vocab A Lil, If You Had A Lil Stronger Vocab In This Piece It Would Of Been Str8 Up 10-10..but Damn, It Was Still Dope, Keep At It..
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preciate it....this was a 10 min topical battle verse that i thought was aight for OM
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No Bova Bruv, Peep Link In Ma Sig, rtf,..plz..
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I wouldn't really say this is a topical duke more like a poem
You had some great wording and kept really well to topic but
If you have this writen off as a Topical Rap then you are
Lacking flow coz this really doesn't work for me, but as I said
poem yes this is dope...
anyway I've shared my thoughts and I hope you talk this in pz
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If you want me to go over and show you what I mean I can
But given you feed like what I had done I thought it would have
made more than enough sence for you too know what I mean
holla
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Punisher, Look Up My O'm..Its In Ma Sig, Lemme Know Whats Cracking Ite..
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... chat it up in a pm or something...
... but yeah the structure of this was amazing... i thought you brought in a nice abstract view and worked this in very well... i like your style its nice and easy to adapt to and read and take in... great work here i could see you being one of the better writers that is new comming to OM... great work here... poetic... and i cuaght the sense of flow with your language... punisher is a hard critique... good work here...
check out written voices in new crews :P
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aye this was soem hot shit right here you wrote this out as if it was more of a poem though but this shyt was hot to me vocab was tight you used the right words to bring out the subject well and the flow was good to me if it was slightly longer it wouldve been way better but it was hot from what you dropped you brought strong feelings to this drop also
stay up with the good shit
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To the top............BangBang i shot you UP haha
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Pakaveli this was deep as fuck. i liked every part of it. the imagery in this piece was superb homey. deep shit.
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Thanks, Preciate it ma dog
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That was really deep the intro set the mood of the whole piece i really enjoyed it. The sentence structure was real good and great vocab. THe stroy had a lot of depth and made sense. Great good.
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yea this was a nice piece str8 up. i was feeling the vibe u was throwing and u had nice flow. exellent piece. keep up the good work
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well,
beautiful structure, liked your emotion and your imagery was hot....
You have it down pat-
DOPE
~Grim
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sorta reminds me of The art of story telling-By Outkast.
Dope read.Really..The opening,the structure..the imagery...the whole 9.
nice.
I like the story..really intresting...
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Wow nice OM. This was one of your More deeper and thoughfull OM. Looks liek you made this a very good masterpeice. maybe even HOF worthy. First off I like how you started off the OM by making kind of a beggining poem in this. The imagery was amazing with some good scenes I can image. The emotion was well over the top. It was impressive. The end was a strong point I like how you ended. Maybe A suggestion though is the use of Bigger vocab to catch the reader more. SO overall a good peice.
Rating: 8.3/10
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Yeah preciate ya comments, doubt this is HOF standard...but yeah uppin'
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I liked this piece a whole lot. I was actually picturing some of the parts in my mind. good work man. This piece was very good. I like the ending also. The multi's were there. overall a great piece. keep it up man.
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this was very good, I've seen a lot from you, but I think that this was one of your best.I was feeling your imagery and your description in this peice was extremely good, you had me hooked from beginning to end which of course is a very important factor to have in an OM.You have a shit load of talent and I'm glad you have begun to write again,keep going and you'll soon have another OM HOF. Nice drop,keep writing.
leave feed on this:
Revenge (part1)
it was a 15 min peice
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preciate the comments and yeah i'll check ya linkage now
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tight shit
flow was decent but it woulda been better if you wouldve added some more 2 this but hot shit from what you have so far though when i saw the title i honestly thought i was about 2 see some ol' bullshit but you had some potential in this piece
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Damn This Was A Real Deep Piece, I Enjoyed Reading This Fo Real. I All'most Had A Tear In My Eye, Poor Lil Suzie Lol, Nah Bruv On A Serious Note You Oughta Try N' Up Ya Vocab A Lil, If You Had A Lil Stronger Vocab In This Piece It Would Of Been Str8 Up 10-10..but Damn, It Was Still Dope, Keep At It..
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ImSignedHeHe Is Me, Thaz Why I Posted The Feed I Left Under This Alias, Jus Case You Were Wondering Holmez,
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preciate the feed, na mean
