Writers Pain.

Writers Pain.

Flickering candle, the pen bleeding, pulsating in my hand of sorrow…
Redundant to fundamental dissertations. Thesis lay silent to lips of tomorrow…
Meditation of fragment glory, residual only through lost scriptures of fatigue…
Hard ship lays desolate in desperate mammon, a love of riches in the sand…
Venomous nouns celebrate, carronade loss of life through parched canvas…
A society of beckoning wisdom, falcate flowers of the page written…
From Shakespeare, to Hemingway, the bohemian revolution is of age…
Lessened only by disbelievers of love, freedom, and power of status unknown…
Light bursts vigorously upon the vapour that once tore away at my sight…
The spirits that once tormented our being, now acts as a endowment of revolt.
The soul that pours carnivorous vowels…
Tempts humanity to indulge in pain…
Jesters of the gestures of heart light…
Man handled by lesser man of late…
Testaments of haggard light in which…
Is scared beyond belief under shadows…
Shadows of gathered benevolence…
Hindering grace, grace of fallen dammed…
The manuscripts that blend our hearts…
Together in a mesh of hazy grey.
Sensitive genetics of yesterday’s slender, the night of man, fallen curtain upon…
Gold lace, shimmering memory of seductive felonies of fate, destiny lays solely…
With-in a grasp of a sedative writer, his eyes weary with tainted belief and solace…
Face rendered blind to happiness, malice, thus animosity is distant in mind…
So brand a man of which broken, yet would a man smashed in sorrow drink from…
The cup of poets in the mist in which demonstrates so gracefully it’s beauty? …
Summer day’s bloom, children fuss, fight, and light the path of future present…
In the deep dark dank sanctum of followers, sheep of the Shepard leaders…
Marinates as to select a new breed of creative generations, upon the pedestal…
That is intricate into tomorrow’s scripts, rendering another writers pain.

A quick poem, but i hope you will enjoy reading it, I would greatly apreciate feed please.

Thank you.

Upping for feed... Beleive me it will be apreciated.

And i will be sure to hit any links that you may have up.

c'mon people surely this is atleast worth a read... ?

Ok WOW this is a great piece and I would not say this was a quick poem cause this is just amazing.Your imagery just blew me away completly cause it was excellent.It was painting a great picture in my head on what you were talking about.I liked your complexity also,it is a nice style of writing and makes the whole piece better and a lot more exciting for me.Creativity........well what can I say......Amazing,there is only 1 word for it.Some well thought up lines that really blew me away,


The soul that pours carnivorous vowels…
Tempts humanity to indulge in pain…
Jesters of the gestures of heart light…
Man handled by lesser man of late…
Testaments of haggard light in which…
Is scared beyond belief under shadows…
Shadows of gathered benevolence…
Hindering grace, grace of fallen dammed…
The manuscripts that blend our hearts…
Together in a mesh of hazy grey

^This was some brilliant stuff and really enjoyed reading this

I love your whole style of writing,not only in this but overall.You have a unique touch about you that a few writers have.You dont drop 1 good piece and then a shitey lil piece aftet that,you always drop hot shit and few people do that on here.I cant say 1 bad thing about the piece to ne honest because I cannot find one error.Nice work and no doubt you will keep it up.

Damn, what can i say but thank you, you people aare the reason i continue to write, i really apreciate that mate thanks. :)

Upping for more feed.

great flow...elegant...n poeticsm...ok...but heres where i jump on that ass...

what the hell do you mean?

explain to me....

Meditation of fragment glory, residual only through lost scriptures of fatigue…

where are your thoughts stemming from in this...sooooo....In thought of past achievements...consolidated in my being...are only left through past scriptures of the fatigue of the years from whence it was brought...lemmi know if im on the right track with this...

Hard ship lays desolate in desperate mammon, a love of riches in the sand…

....harship lays in the despiration of a richness personified in evil/evil influence? (thats what mammon means)...so are you saying that contrast or complmenting: 'a love of riches in the sand'...or are you just saying...a love of riches in the sand cuz it flows?..if so...how do these two things even correlate to make sense?

The spirits that once tormented our being, now acts as a endowment of revolt.

ok...you sound like a smart girl..but are you stating that a spirit..the torment of my soul, NOW acts as the 'endowment' of my revolt...meaning...is it giving cause to my want of revolution from this demon?...or what?...when really endowing something is to be a natural gift or ability...also is a form of contribution through money....explain this one to me

The cup of poets in the mist in which demonstrates so gracefully it’s beauty? …

nice....until you begged the question(in my opinion)

overall i thought this was poetic...but...i challenge you to now go beyond what it is you said...because obviously no one else is asking or questioning....i loved your work...now defend it....otherwise you just had a dictionary and thesaurus by you and poured your work into this...from it....

yo

wow you know im not gonna lie to u. this has been one of the best ive seen in a while. there isnt much other than structure tht u needa work on. 9/10

keep up the good work

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ether Spitter

great flow...elegant...n poeticsm...ok...but heres where i jump on that ass...

what the hell do you mean?

explain to me....

Meditation of fragment glory, residual only through lost scriptures of fatigue…

where are your thoughts stemming from in this...sooooo....In thought of past achievements...consolidated in my being...are only left through past scriptures of the fatigue of the years from whence it was brought...lemmi know if im on the right track with this...

Hard ship lays desolate in desperate mammon, a love of riches in the sand…

....harship lays in the despiration of a richness personified in evil/evil influence? (thats what mammon means)...so are you saying that contrast or complmenting: 'a love of riches in the sand'...or are you just saying...a love of riches in the sand cuz it flows?..if so...how do these two things even correlate to make sense?

The spirits that once tormented our being, now acts as a endowment of revolt.

ok...you sound like a smart girl..but are you stating that a spirit..the torment of my soul, NOW acts as the 'endowment' of my revolt...meaning...is it giving cause to my want of revolution from this demon?...or what?...when really endowing something is to be a natural gift or ability...also is a form of contribution through money....explain this one to me

The cup of poets in the mist in which demonstrates so gracefully it’s beauty? …

nice....until you begged the question(in my opinion)

overall i thought this was poetic...but...i challenge you to now go beyond what it is you said...because obviously no one else is asking or questioning....i loved your work...now defend it....otherwise you just had a dictionary and thesaurus by you and poured your work into this...from it....

yo

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This is a very complex piece, i usually dumb down for my audience, but for this one i went all out on metaphors and complexity of the poem... mammon means riches... so its a contrast between riches and hard ship.(hard times)...

If your well endowed it can mean anything from lots of money to a big penis!... but my meaning of it as metaphorical for well off in life style, yet being sickened by the goings on of the world.

A love of riches in the sand: by this i mean you desire the money, but you can have it there for your desire is burried (in the sand)... you understand ?...

Meditation of fragment glory, residual only through lost scriptures of fatigue…

Yes your pretty much on the right track on that one...^^^


As i said, this is a very complex poem, alot of meanings that are hidden, vu you just need to take alot more time reading through, as other wise you won't get it... But yea.

lol...fasho...

i understand all that...i really just felt like being an ass...other than that im not your nutts ma :boobies:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ether Spitter

lol...fasho...

i understand all that...i really just felt like being an ass...other than that im not your nutts ma :boobies:

---

The only thing is, and literally the only thing is, I own a penis :)... lmao @ you thinking i was female.

oops...well then never mind...please excuse that gay ass comment

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ether Spitter

oops...well then never mind...please excuse that gay ass comment

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*excuses you*... lol.

And thanks for making me write out definitions when you already understood it :mad: lol... grrr... you make me work to hard!

good...cuz im no homo... :th_down: ...but on that note....peep ma shit...the windowsill...its kinda weak but i just wanna know what you see...

yo

Okay upping for more feed...

But this time please don't tease me into giving definitions if you already know the meanings of them :)... thank you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Silent_Killa911

wow you know im not gonna lie to u. this has been one of the best ive seen in a while. there isnt much other than structure tht u needa work on. 9/10

keep up the good work

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I agree man but not and 9 out of 10 and 10/10 your vocab was
just mind blowin and it seems like you put and lot of work into
this piece mayne Great job am have to say HOF it's just Great.
Keep up the work man I enjoyed reading this shit..................

Thanks man, upping.

Holy Shit man. How can somethin like this be quick? The complexity was amazing and some of the best metaphors I've ever read. Not much to improve on this, great vocab, unique style. I've gotta say this is one of the best poems I've seen here man. Great job and keep writin.

Thanks alot man, as i said earlier, you people are the reason i write, not for HoF or nominations, but for the people.

Thanks man.

You're doing good.

I like the imagery, you're right, we do have similar styles. You need to work on your structure. You have to find a right place to break off the lines so the emphasis is on the message/emotion, instead of having to make a tiny font just to fit it all in one post. I'm impressed. I could see you elevating well in the next couple of months. Don't try to fit too many adjectives in one line, it becomes fluff after a while. Keep concepts and metaphors strong. Thanks for the feedback. Everything is solid.

Stop by the business thread of Po'Ethics one of these days. Drop the other crews.

Thanks alot man, i actually really apreciate a talented writer commented, thanks.

Oh btw GM... On atticus's request i made this into a topical with alot better structure...

You should check it out man.

Atticus and Bounce have been really helping me recently... I think it's starting to pay off man.

Upping...

Upping...

THat was a great poem the vocab was truly of the chain if that a quick poem then what a regular one. The image in my mind were racing with this poem and i love that i really enjoyed reading this, hope to check out more of your pieces.

Thanks alot... Upping.

Upping.

Upping for feed please...

commin at it even more......................lovin your poetry.,keep it up.peep my shit when ever ya can.i would really appreciate it.thanks...p-e-a-c-e......

I will man, upping...

Upping...