To my beloved Josie...

To my beloved Josie…

'I love you so much that when I write this the tears from my lonely eyes fall onto the paper like stars falling from the desolate sky.
I need you too know none of this is your fault…I just can’t take not having your love anymore.
Oh my god I wish you could see my pain in a physical form…now I suppose you will realise the pain that seeps from my septic heart…I need your love so much…but as I can’t have it anymore…I have decided to take my last steps in this world to deliver this to your door…please don’t cry…I am going to a better place and I will be safe in the arms of our lord…

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH…but there’s nothing you can do now…my life is over.

-Ryan.'


I wrote this to leave, weave, breath my condensed pain on the page…
My bodily form may be descended, relentless to light I befriended…
But my life’s not ended, I’m still alive in mind, so when the night rains…
The cold, desolate, desperate, eyes cry so delicate to view of pictures…
Of my face, I tried to displace, every trace, of pain from my grace.

By the time you’ve read this, I’ll already be in Gods hands, free from spirit…
I pivot, into a perverted state of mind, suicide lies, lays beside, me as I rise…
The scent of lavender hair, a locket gold, enrolled in my pocket and my soul…
I take memories, stay by your side when your loneliness creeps in your dreams…
Wash away the feeling of silent, violent, naked screams, so my love it feigns…
To remain in your arms, your tender hands caressing, my waist in your palm…
As the thought slips away into the shadows of the night, I attempt to fight…
The urge to grab the knife, and end it tonight, so in between I write, this letter…
So when times get harder, you’ll know things will get better, that sweater…
That you hand weaved, for me, resides in my hand, to dry my eyes from weeping…
But soon god will be backing me back to eternal sleeping, no peaking…
Into the future, but I remiss on my past, blast, cast my mind into over drive.

Times pass…
I attempt to cast…
As I slowly begin laugh…
Bump in my road my path…
But I love you, but will your love last?

Pulsating, racing, pacing, heart trembles, I realise the destiny I’m perilously facing…
Please remember me when I’m gone, as my memory lingers on, free from beat…
I’m free to release this letter, good bye song, the misery’s gone, but don’t cry…
It wasn’t your fault, I understand you had to tell me goodbye, it must have been hell…
Living with a man the cheats, steals, and lies, but couldn’t you see love the lays…
Deep, hidden, ridden, with in my eyes, I was shocked, despised, surprised….
That I had, and let love slip, I slip into a kamikaze state as I watch the blood drip…
Upon my dressing table, I undress my latest tale a fable, living with me, inside…
So I apologise, but I have to leave you behind, my vision becomes blind…
Blurry, undefined, a sedative smile as desperate pain disintegrates for a while.

When you finish reading, send your best hopes for me…
I love you, my dear beloved Josie.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288676
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287756
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288869

Okay let's get some feed on this please...

This was a good peice,It had great emotion in it,it's plain to see that you really love Josie. you had great imagery in this,you described everything with such detail it was amazing.your vocab was as usual very good,it wwas complex, you also placed the big words very well here.you really had me hooked on this,not because it had a great storyline or anything,but because it was so emotional and descriptive,you reached out to the audience and made them realise your love for Josie.I don't think you had anything here that surprised me here,but that is not a bad thing,it's only because I am used to seeing your peices,and they have all been dope. And this was no exception.you did a great job with this,and I'm sure Josie would love it.Oh and another thing, the structure at first seemed off,but as I read through it began to flow better and I felt that the structure helped the delivery of this peice.You did a very good job with this,Nice work.

Thanks man... apreciated.

By the time you’ve read this, I’ll already be in Gods hands, free from spirit…
I pivot, into a perverted state of mind, suicide lies, lays beside, me as I rise…
The scent of lavender hair, a locket gold, enrolled in my pocket and my soul…
I take memories, stay by your side when your loneliness creeps in your dreams…
dam nice an dope rite there i felt it

u had very good flow in this it all flowed u had maybe 2 lines that didnt but thats ok
i didnt really like how u made it was on tha left that shit was wierd lol but not many ppl do it
ur strutre was pretty good decent i must say lol
u had really really good emotion i felt this piece fo sho
ur topic was really good alot of ppl write about this type of thing but urs stood out deffintly
i think this is HOF matrail

Thank's man... i really apreciate that mate...

Any more extensive feed ?

Oh and a nomination wouldn't go a miss... lol...

Okay, upping for feed people... i always give well explained extenensive feed, so i expect the same from the people who feed on this, thank you.

Dayum son... upping ?

C'mon people :)...

Alright well let's see.....

I liked the part in red and the first line the best.........you dragged me into your mind to convey your thoughts in such detail...WOW...

-I liked how you use an exoansive vocab and internals and metaphors and how they fit perfectlly...On my pieces I can't really incorporate all the aspects of a great topical, as you did here, without sacrificing content so--PROPS

Other than that, I would like to also commend your emotion......I can tell that every word of this poem describes the very essence of you......You leak your soul in these pieces man..........
Nomination...*

~Grim....

Thanks alot man, i apreciate it alot.

free uppin

Real shit man, I mean I liked it, what more can I really say the conceit in here is what I was lookin for from u and found it, good thing. The topic is a lil played to me cause its about someone, but maybe thats just me, overall good shit though.

Check out mine and Westbank504's

Beyond the Dumpster...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Asperse

Real shit man, I mean I liked it, what more can I really say the conceit in here is what I was lookin for from u and found it, good thing. The topic is a lil played to me cause its about someone, but maybe thats just me, overall good shit though.

Check out mine and Westbank504's

Beyond the Dumpster...

---

Yes i understand, but it's a true story, and too someone who is not someone, she is a massive part of my life, therfor she's the inspiration, true love doesn't get played dude lol...
So every now again, i wrote something with her anme in in it, usually a happy theme, but this time, wel, maybe not so happy lol... But sometimes i just like to show her i apreciate her.

I feel u though...good drop once again.

Thanks man.

I thought the best thing about this was the depth and imaginative writing that you used. The emotions seemed to ooze off the screen when I was reading it and the word usage kept me interested. The parts I thought that needed to be touched up on is the structure and the rhyme scheme could use a little work as well. But over all it is a very moving piece and I'm glad I took the time to read it through. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

Return the Favor
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288901

Thanks man, upping.

upping.