Carousel by This Aint Beef

Carousel
by This Aint Beef

[music starts]

“She's from a world
Of popcorn and candy
Pony rides for a dime
Little children laughing

I'm from a world
Of disapointments and confusions
But I want her to be mine
I started talking
She kept on walking
She disappeared into the crowd

I lost my heart
On the carousel…”

[music cuts]

…bottles surround; my heads spinning
An apparent smell, reeks around my bed linen
Not of wash in weeks, stench of alcohol
Drowning, sinking…drenched in melting soul
Obscured in sink, water; a blink to cure
Eyes reddened, balled fists shrink the blur
…rubbing away, remnants of the last day
Basin holds ash tray, once upon the hash lay
Sporadic asthmatic puffing weed inhaler
Aim to forget, yet succeed in failure...

[music erupts]

“…to a circus girl
Who left my heart in pieces
Lost my heart
On The carousel
To a circus girl
Who ran away.

I was the clown
And she was the dancer
We both knew it wouldn't work
But we took our chances
What I can't recall
Is if there was a girl at all
Or was it my imagination?
I still remember
All of those faces
And now all I have is memories.

I lost my heart
On the carousel..."

[the music cuts]

And my thoughts drift to amusement sluts
Whose movement struts with consuming butts
They bat their lashes when you grasp their asses
Before turning a blind eye; as they laugh at passes
The gasps of masses couldn’t change their olden ways
As they cut you short with sharp shoulder blades
Discerning curves of theirs earning perves
Whose spurning urge leaves on the learning curb
On their wrists are bangles, as it lifts and dangles
If adrift it angles; then like fists it strangles
...choking life, with one stroking swipe
Leave you frantically puffing, like a smoking pipe
Among circus freaks you can purchase treats
But eye candy giggles at your worthless speech
They look ageless, gloss that their lip stages
Read you like book traces and wont skip pages

[music erupts]

"...to a circus girl
Who left my heart in pieces
Lost my heart
On The carousel
To a circus girl
Who ran away.

Two different people
In love for an instant
To see that the circus came today
Sometimes I can hear her crying here
And I can hear her calling me..."

[music cuts]

Clown you, with a red nose and a crude wit
Ungainly green hair...and if the shoe fits
They'll sport you for one night, one carnie night
Veterans of crazy, they sport dungaree stripes
These erratic pimps who walk with tragic limps
What’s the price you’ll pay for acrobatic imps?
Chimps who carry cigs are moping nearer
Con you of money, with their smoke and mirrors
An artful deception gives partial direction
…to a life of insanity, and a heart full of question
I was once a passenger...upon the carousel
Now my heads spinning, I can hear the yells
Under the moon often the booze will blind
Was my heart lost? Or did I lose my mind!?
I was once standing but thats a sober ghost
As I clamber to the ground, from drug over dose

[music erupts]

"...don't you know?
I lost my heart
On the carousel
To a circus girl
Who left my heart in pieces
Lost my heart
On The carousel
To a circus girl
Who ran away"

[music dies]

* [music erupts/cuts] extracts taken from the Michael Jackson song Carousel

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287748
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287767

Now i have read 10-15 OM's 2day i'd say... and that 1 honestly blew them all out of the water... it was so deep and meaningful and at the same time it had all the essentials needed 2 make a good piece, the imagry and message and story was outstanding along with the amazing use of metaphors and wordplay. the multis were consistent and it flowed nicely... i dont kno wut 2 say exactly, and i really dont have any advice because this piece had it all. i wish i could hear it with the beat and everything on wax because that was simply amazing... pure talent...

keep it up and good luck with getting more feed, its long so people r 2 intimidated 2 read it, but its a shame no1 will cuz its a top notch performance
good work.

damn dawg...most people try too hard to be more poetic on this type of piece but you had a great rap feel to it the whole time with nice rythm...nice wordplay and metaphors as well

nice man i liked te feel to this rhym and a good piece, the imagry was fanatic and dinamic and message was medium so i thinkn this preace was an all time feel god peace quite nice and story was outstanding along with the congloarmits donimations are picke well
good job

Really appreciate your thoughts guys, Ill look for your drops in future. Thnx.

Damn, with a name like "This Aint Beef" I expected alot of repping and S's replaced by Z's. But this was actually very nicely done. The topic is very original, personally there's just something so apealing to me about using a circus to describe pain. I've actually got a piece that I started kind of like this. But I've never really seen it done here on Rb yet. The flow and imagery was all on point... The emotion aswell was very strong. The use of poetry almost as a chorus was a great idea. We actually have very similar styles with the more poetry influenced Open Mics. Ya this really wowed me man, I'm going to drop you a nod for HOF... And we'll have to do a collab some time man. Stay up.

yo this was nice... had good musical tones.. flow was superb.. content was nice..
started off nice ended the same... ya'll kept it dipped in poetry but held with rap flow f'sho..........the whole piece was like 1 big metaphor tour of thought.... so yeah mos def reeked in originality.. yeah had sure explicitnes to it as well so was mos def entertaining to read and i imagine would b good to hear...........


rubbing away, remnants of the last day
Basin holds ash tray, once upon the hash lay
Sporadic asthmatic puffing weed inhaler
Aim to forget, yet succeed in failure...

indeed...........


this was like str8 ghetto art f'sho......


hot shit

1

Hey, thnx guys I really appreciate it. I doubt it'll get in, but the nomination means a lot. I think we do have similar styles Atticus, and a collab some time would be nice. Thnx a lot.

Be dope if you could return the favor man
"When the Elephant Walks..."
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287748

:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Atticus

Be dope if you could return the favor man
"When the Elephant Walks..."
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287748

:)

---

Peep the fourth reply

*winks*

not bad homie..its aight..u could use more vocab..
and espanding it...
but overall

6/10 i think..

This was a great piece, really appealed to me, i'm prodominantly a poet myself so i appreciate this form of writing art, I loved the fact the whole piece was build on metaphors, it really added a sense of intrguigment and kept me reading, the imagry was superb and very well placed and beautifully thought out, your flow is what made it a 'topical' rather than just a poem... yet i can't help jolt myself back to the excellant poetry feel to it... the stanzas in between the verses really worked well and stood out to me clearly, this was a great read, well done.

I would appreciate feed on my latest OM... thanks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by el poeta

This was a great piece, really appealed to me, i'm prodominantly a poet myself so i appreciate this form of writing art, I loved the fact the whole piece was build on metaphors, it really added a sense of intrguigment and kept me reading, the imagry was superb and very well placed and beautifully thought out, your flow is what made it a 'topical' rather than just a poem... yet i can't help jolt myself back to the excellant poetry feel to it... the stanzas in between the verses really worked well and stood out to me clearly, this was a great read, well done.

I would appreciate feed on my latest OM... thanks.

---

Thnx a lot for the feed. You were a lot more detailed than I managed to be. :( However I really appreciated it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by el poeta

This was a great piece, really appealed to me, i'm prodominantly a poet myself so i appreciate this form of writing art, I loved the fact the whole piece was build on metaphors, it really added a sense of intrguigment and kept me reading, the imagry was superb and very well placed and beautifully thought out, your flow is what made it a 'topical' rather than just a poem... yet i can't help jolt myself back to the excellant poetry feel to it... the stanzas in between the verses really worked well and stood out to me clearly, this was a great read, well done.

I would appreciate feed on my latest OM... thanks.

---

Thnx a lot for the feed. You were a lot more detailed than I managed to be. :( However I really appreciated it.

dope though very long got bord but not from the content good play on the spinning thing good keep on keeping on yeahaa

Man, out of like the 4-5 maybe 6 OM's i have read today yours takes the top spot, this was really creative, and also well done, i liked your vocab it was pretty much on point, you had alittle word play in your verse like in different spots of your verse, the imagery, man that imagery was really good, i loved it, you expressed it really good, the beginning of your verse to the end showed so much imagery but more to the middle, thee emotion was do pretty good, im not sure if the part in bold was the chores or the hook or wat ever but that was nice, but yo keep it up and and keep showing your emotion creative side of writing.

Thnx for the feed bro...

Uppin'

Let's see if I cant get some more feed. . .

Up

this was hot i liked this peice alot

And my thoughts drift to amusement sluts
Whose movement struts with consuming butts
They bat their lashes when you grasp their asses
Before turning a blind eye; as they laugh at passes

LMAO I LUVED THAT PART

but really u had some pretty good flow it didnt really fall off to much'
ur vocab was alright u had ok choice of words lol but ur ryhming was good
ur strutre was ok but u realy gotta loss tha hooks those aint to good for text lol
u had a nice topic not many ppl would write on this kinda topic it was nice

Under the moon often the booze will blind
Was my heart lost? Or did I lose my mind!?
I was once standing but thats a sober ghost
As I clamber to the ground, from drug over dose

nice way to close it

peace

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Black Ninja

not bad homie..its aight..u could use more vocab..
and espanding it...
but overall

6/10 i think..

---

I think you're just a hater.

Damn my nigga . . . this was an amazing drop. Imagery was amazing and the multis, although they were just a bit off a couple of times, were on point. You stayed on topic throughout most of the drop. This was an original piece and originality goes VERY far in my book.

Here's the breakdown . . .

Vocab-above average
Imagery-like I said, really good
Multis-really good
Flow-had a really nice rhythm too it . . .I can picture a mellow beat behind it
Wordplay-I dont remember seeing much of that in there but hey, it wasnt that kind of drop
Overall-I have to give this piece about 8.9/10

Great drop. And I expect to see more of the same. Lol . . . good luck and keep on spittin . . .

Yeah This Was Good, I Cant Say Anything Different Than What They Said But This Is Definently My Favorite Piece By You That Ive Seen