When God Was To Late

When God was To Late

As her gas mask slapped on, she gasped her last conscious breath
Poor lil baby Beth, the image of her death haunts as she slept
Thoughts of abortion taunts as she wept, locked in mentation
Blocked from sensations, plus stocked with frustration
For stopping creation, she's takin the life of an innocent
Her conscience overwhelms her, make it stop, she can’t finish it
But no, wait, she's to late, the doctors are operating
She prays for a miracle, but God is not cooperating
Common now stop debating, as time goes by it only becomes harder
She must do right, she must fight for the life of her daughter
Suddenly a light from the father shone in response
As her anxiety overtaken by the assuring nonchalance
She tossed in her mind as she violently struggled to awake
Not worrying of her daughter or the troubles that await
She juggles her fate in her mind as her eyes start to flutter
She returns to reality, heart to her daughter deprived of a mother
She realized that to have a child is to earn God's blessing
She cries, "No! I can’t go through with this, I learned my lesson!"
The doctors turned with expressions extremely odd on their face
And at that moment she realized, that God was to late.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287744
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287756

As her gas mask slapped on, she gasped her last conscious breath
Poor lil baby Beth, the image of her death haunts as she slept
Thoughts of abortion taunts as she wept, locked in mentation
Blocked from sensations, plus stocked with frustration

nice way to start tha drop i was feelin that

aight u had very good flow it rarely fell off i cant say ive seen better from u cuz i aint seen no oms from u but this was deff a good part

But no, wait, she's to late, the doctors are operating
She prays for a miracle, but God is not cooperating
Common now stop debating, as time goes by it only becomes harder
She must do right, she must fight for the life of her daughter

u had nice wordplay it was good all togther it was never really off
ur sturctre was pretty dam good i could read it perfect an tha lines were pefect length
tha topic u choose was ok alot of ppl write bout stuff liek this but its still a hard topic to write on an u kept on tha topic for tha whole piece

ps.u need 2 links

i kno im gettin at those 2 links man... yo thanks 4 da feed tho
greatly appreciated

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Def Angel

As her gas mask slapped on, she gasped her last conscious breath
Poor lil baby Beth, the image of her death haunts as she slept
Thoughts of abortion taunts as she wept, locked in mentation
Blocked from sensations, plus stocked with frustration

nice way to start tha drop i was feelin that

aight u had very good flow it rarely fell off i cant say ive seen better from u cuz i aint seen no oms from u but this was deff a good part

But no, wait, she's to late, the doctors are operating
She prays for a miracle, but God is not cooperating
Common now stop debating, as time goes by it only becomes harder
She must do right, she must fight for the life of her daughter

u had nice wordplay it was good all togther it was never really off
ur sturctre was pretty dam good i could read it perfect an tha lines were pefect length
tha topic u choose was ok alot of ppl write bout stuff liek this but its still a hard topic to write on an u kept on tha topic for tha whole piece

ps.u need 2 links

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lol word..it was real good...now less battle homie..

Dope peice...great catcher words..I liked the beginning as she becomes away of what she's doin..and the fight to reverse it....The means of intervention portaid as the "god" figure..Shows the presence of regret..Meanin in which that The beleif of the major desicion that she is about to make...Her resistance to speak her mind is somewhat unusual to me which makes me think forward in the story..but leads to more realization that she must do something..Further convincing her that she must speak out....Ending was expected seein as how you named the peice but was greatly portrayd with the imagery that you wrote............

Vocab and multies kept me reading through this peice...Im not goin to say shit about flow and structure because this is a written peice...I your mind there is a beat so i look past all that..this was more of a spoken emotional peice...Greatly pleased reading this peice...will look forward into reading more of your work..

~1~

Aight we'll do

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dark_Shadow

lol word..it was real good...now less battle homie..

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and hold up a bit shadow, i might have a crew battle...

flo is off, u can write but u cant have flo , ur still at a text level and with ur writing u will not allow urself to elevate to a much much higher level, imagry and vocab is great , structure isnt important to me but it was good and solid, creativity was there and great topic.

please leave feed on my OM

aight thanks man i'll work on it... and i'll hit ur shit up right now

rise.

feed ne1? i'll return the favor jus drop a link at the end of ur feed or atleast do wut DVS is doing

uppin again common RB wuts wit the no feed?

Nice Piece You Had Some Good Multies In There, Overall I Was Feelin The Piece Even Though I Disagree With It, Cause God Is Never To Late It's The People Who Recieve God To Late, But Besides That I Was Feelin Your Use Of Imagery And Description, Keep Upp With The Writing, I Think You Can Do A Lot Better But Overall Nice Piece

hmmm....i like the concept..deep for what its true meaning holds and the question we all find ourselves asking moment to moment. God where....i think...if she searched within she would find the God within an coulda stopped her sitcho...lol...(i read this like a daytime soap) but ya imagery was coo...story had fluidity...
like i said..tight theme...ya wording mispelled here n there...it added choppyness...

but overall it was coo

yo

Enjoyed this to a certain extent. Content was deep...seems you were referring to a regretted abortion, or a woman who lost her daughter through an accident while she was still pregnant.

You used an expansive vocab, though at times it seemed you were forcing it. The title should be "When God Was Too Late", an extra o lol. I would go for better sentance starters when writing this type of drop. Each line seemed to be starting with "she". Anyway nice flow & all that so nice drop, keep it up.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287905
^ Return the feed if you have the time bro...

aight thanks 4 da feed, and i mispelled to cuz i meant 2 put too when i made the thread, but when i did the mini title i didnt wanna look like an idiot i just left it hopin no1 would notice lol... ya caught me
and this was meant 2 b a bit of a controversial piece to all of you who said well god was never 2 late, i kinda left that open 4 discussion. but wut i was getting at was, she was really 2 late in finding god. but yeah discuss it up in ya feed..
thanks 4 da feed y'all and i'll hit urs up right now beef.

DVS u gonna drop feed?

*feedback edited in*

Suprisingly, pretty good man. To be honest I just wasn't expecting to much from this, just had a weird vibe coming in and just thought it was going to be some hopeless strive to be "deep." But this actually turned out very poetic and... Deep lol. The entire piece had a very poetic and creative approach with the metaphores and descriptions that you had used. The flow was always on point, alittle stop and go which bothers me but I enjoyed the content so really the flow is whatever to me. Uuuuum, structure was very neet and organized, nothing was sloppy or stretched. Everything really came together nicely. Would have liked to seen more length to this... But for what it was I really enjoyed it man.

I'd apreciate it if you could leave feedback on my new Om:
"When the Elephant Walks..."
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287748

Hey this was pretty nice i enjoyed reading this..it has a nice interesting and creative topic and thats alwayz good to have....flow was nice throughout and your wording was nice..made it easy 2 read and follow....rhymes were good..nice multies here and there...and overall this was a nice peice.......keep it up..peace

This piece was well.....excellent, meaning the emotions frustration and commotion of this woman is displayed excellently and this allows the reader to be engrossed with the verse. The mulites use was good and the structure was aight to. Personaly i really liked this, so yeah keep the whole thing Poppin'

aight thats how i like it, lots of good feed, yo Atticus i'll hit ur shit up now
and props 2 DVS he caught wut i was getting at with this piece

e...
.s..
..i.
...r

uppin again.

urrg uppin again.

yo diss peice was pretty good....topic was mad interestin and caught my eye..and after i read it i enjoyed it.....imagery was aight coulda been a bit betta same with complexity and vocab....ya rhymes were good overall and flow was pretty nice the whole way through,...overall this was a good read and i liked it..keep at it man you got tons of potential..peace~

aight thanks 4 da food feed thug.
up

rise.

god damn... leave feed bitches!

oh my fuckin god. common RB leave some feed!

i liked the wordplay and the flow
i think you did a nice job on that
pretty much everything
i think it spoke to me personally you know

^uhhh thanks... i think... uppin 4 some real feed.

Gods never late.. He is the beginning and the end.. so you were acting out of your flesh and not being led with the Holy Spirit.

u had nice wordplay it was good all togther it was never really off
ur sturctre was pretty dam good i could read it perfect an tha lines were pefect length
tha topic u choose was ok alot of ppl write bout stuff liek this but its still a hard topic to write on an u kept on tha topic for tha whole piece

Nice Piece You Had Some Good Multies In There, Overall I Was Feelin The Piece Even Though I Disagree With It, Cause God Is Never To Late It's The People Who Recieve God To Late, But Besides That I Was Feelin Your Use Of Imagery And Description, Keep Upp With The Writing, I Think You Can Do A Lot Better But Overall Nice Piece

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kstroyer

Gods never late.. He is the beginning and the end.. so you were acting out of your flesh and not being led with the Holy Spirit.

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ur retarted, thats not feed.

and the "God" part is a metaphor for all u retards out there... when people say they "Found God" that means they've changed their bad ways... its saying that she was 2 late 4 that change... DVS is the only one who really understood this piece so far...

upp

damn this is a real nice peice son great topic and the flowz went along wit it perfectly imagery was beyond greatness just every word painted a picture ending was good wrapped it up and to the point never got side tracked multis i thought i was decent at multies but afters readin this i relized i got a lot of work to do great wit those nice peice 9/10 stay up

aight thanks 4 da feed... lets get some more

good shit,
flow- the flow was really nice, i think you had some really enjoyable multis and the rhyme scheme was complex and interesting
concept- the whole thing was simple, i think you cudve came up with something more fulfilling to write about, decent tho, just not something everyone can relate to
imagery- i could picture it, not percisely but yeah
phisical connection- i think you didnt have alot of this, i really couldnt picture the scenery at all
mental connection- ahhh the best for last, yes your mental connection was intriguing really. you connected with the lady, and beth.

well done

thanks 4 da feed upp

bah.. kay last up people... lets get some good feed 2 finish this shit off