Originally Posted by Bounce
I'm thinking you are either portraying a verse being torn between two states of mind, conscience, or that of a woman figure, not so much a girlfriend but either a mistress or even a motherly figure. It's vague and kind of dry in terms of language, I can;t find anyting stand out that would point me int the right direction. Rantish in feel, but deep reaching, just not deep in content or diction. im getting a sense of frustration and confusion, and only a women can do that to a man, unless he's torn by his two personas. In that case i think a deep focus on conctent should have been put forth, either way there is much to discuss here. Much for the reader to interpit. I would prefer a better writen peice, but for what it is I liked the way it made me feel.
I've been torn up by women in the past, so it's only obvious for me to pick up on that aspect. I guess we've all been there, but some of the members are too young to have felt such mix up.
