The Death of Mr. Faith

The Death of Mr. Faith

The heart-breaking vision, once lovers now on the course of collision
The mission started by prophets withering in the demonic intermission
Lords Lambs slaughtered in holy groves, Survivors donning Satan’s Clothes
Satanic attire wore by men, like Noah’s arc, the Devils dominion grows by fours

Yet the unholy 666 is worshipped, sacred texts are read, reversed and flipped
Still man naively allows himself to be slipped, in death his amour is stripped
Leaders of the commune preach unknowingly that they preach words unholy
Shockingly we follow blindly not learning that it’s the will of lies, not truth see

A vice of ours, Humans believe too fast, yet the cynic and shrewd are left alit
In death they see light, the truth of disorder revealed to man in a state of fit
Then the faithful are taken to camp and baptized in the everlasting fires of hell
Lords eyes blinded by clouds, devil brings doomsday, no savior nor angel Gabriel

We are left alone, in the harsh sense of weakened nakedness to the mind of man
What were we and why we fought, waged war and ravaged our holy land?
“Speak to me” we ask of our lord, “Carry me” we ask of the eternal almighty
Yet when he asks “Believe in me” we commit hypocrisy and turn undoubtedly

The selfish stylistic life of us slaves of material matter and sinful selfishness
Golden age is gone; we are in a rut, asking for cleanliness while rejecting holiness
I rest my case to the empty promises of today’s man, who rests on his laurels
Gains fame, he sits in debates and laughs at faith, yet in death he sees no quarrels

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...79#post4300779

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...86#post4300786

ayo its trem, i see you still got the potent flow going on here,

Your vocab was as always very good. It stood out and made this piece and enjoyable read. The structure as well was on point. You dont need to work on anything my young 2pac lol but just keep dropping mo gud pieces. Your vocab as elevated alot since i last was on here an red one of your drops. My advice to would to make some of your lines a lil more easier to understand, i dont know if its just me lol but some was a lil complex fo me to understand but hey thats your style and overall it does good for your work. Also your structure as i already said is ok, it fitted the piece nice. In future try to make your structure with your work a lil better. But this piece was good the way you used your vocab and the emotion in this piece is what i was feeling as well, overall buddy good stuff, keep writing ok,

Thanks ma dog, preciate it

nice drop pak. i felt you shoul of held together some longer stanzas to form larger verses and keep flow going from bar to bar.just my opinion...sum nice n cool altirations and wordplays truly brought the lines to life though fosho.so yeah was dope writing still
yeah style was nice and easy to follow.same sort of thing i been talking bout recently.check out my last verse in SS if u get time.same sort of underkying thoughts and concepts.nice delivery you gave to this piece .f'sho

keep em poppin

1

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pakaveli

The Death of Mr. Faith

The heart-breaking vision, once lovers now on the course of collision
The mission started by prophets withering in the demonic intermission
Lords Lambs slaughtered in holy groves, Survivors donning Satan’s Clothes
Satanic attire wore by men, like Noah’s arc, the Devils dominion grows by fours

Yet the unholy 666 is worshipped, sacred texts are read, reversed and flipped
Still man naively allows himself to be slipped, in death his amour is stripped
Leaders of the commune preach unknowingly that they preach words unholy
Shockingly we follow blindly not learning that it’s the will of lies, not truth see

A vice of ours, Humans believe too fast, yet the cynic and shrewd are left alit
In death they see light, the truth of disorder revealed to man in a state of fit
Then the faithful are taken to camp and baptized in the everlasting fires of hell
Lords eyes blinded by clouds, devil brings doomsday, no savior nor angel Gabriel

We are left alone, in the harsh sense of weakened nakedness to the mind of man
What were we and why we fought, waged war and ravaged our holy land?
“Speak to me” we ask of our lord, “Carry me” we ask of the eternal almighty
Yet when he asks “Believe in me” we commit hypocrisy and turn undoubtedly

The selfish stylistic life of us slaves of material matter and sinful selfishness
Golden age is gone; we are in a rut, asking for cleanliness while rejecting holiness
I rest my case to the empty promises of today’s man, who rests on his laurels
Gains fame, he sits in debates and laughs at faith, yet in death he sees no quarrels

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good shit man real good. first of all ur flow was perfect wen i was readin ya drop it flowed real well which is really good.i liked the first 4 lines of the drop cos it rymed real well and flowed good and were those 4 lines meant to be like a introduction? throughout the drop and u keep the good rymes commin which is great also some nice wordplay in there man overall hot shit keep it up peace

decent at best, not perfect. i like your style ..it's kind of how mine use to be, the long stretched LOOKING lines with internals and metaphors on the insides. It's nice, but at some points you threw off your story. the whole point of the piece was great ..it seemed like an interesting topic, and you played out on it well. Good job, keep it up.

King Of Death in sig

Thanks preciate it, i'll check all y'all stuff in a bit

Nice topic, you have a nice way of fitting in a message while stayin true to the form of rap. Complex flow and nice metaphors( had to read it twice to get some of them )

Overall very good. In my short while on the boards I haven't seen anything better.

Thanks preciate all the comments and all pointers been taken inta account

Uppin last time for the day

Okay job here Pak, you did fine. I'm not really a fan of end of the line rhymes or w/e, but I believe you pulled this one off. I liked the unique topic, but your intellect is very unoriginal. A lot of people use this emotional, death, emo type of style when they think of writing an OM. Its not all about that, you need to incorporate every aspect of the topical genre and make sure that you keep the reader interested. I liked your last stanza the most, because of its high amount of imagery and vocabulary. Piece out.

Thanks preciate your comments Cyder, as for death, idk it always comes in one way or the other lol, but yeah points taken inta account

D....o...p...e.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ~Cassidy~

D....o...p...e.

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P-R-E-C-I-A-T-E I....T...

M.a.k.e M.e S.i.g

S.o.r.r.y. F.o.r F.r.e.e.p.o.s.t.

say what dog

word pak i dont know what to say...u came good as always,but it isnt ur best.. its nice but u just need to write more and make it even more illy. and when u make record and sell it in million copies remember me :D

lol.....Preciate the comments and yeah this is a warm up, still getting used to writing again

this peice was good,it was very interesting and the imagery was spot on......this peice has nearly everything....it has dope imagery,good vocab, a very good stroy line, the only thing it is missing IMO is the structure.....it kind of made it hard to read,I don't think this is your best peice of writing but I do think it was still very good...nice job bro :2thumb:

leave feed on mine...it's called 'I just can't take it'

good OM....vocab was excellent yo..i like the story line and how u put everything together.....flow and emotion was good....structure was there also...only thing i can say that i didn't like was sometimes in some parts your lines was streched.....other then that thought u did pretty good....imagery was ok could have put more into that....but overall good job keep it up

you had some good flow, you stayed on topic an you had emotion an imagery an vocab. you did ya thang on this but it's nothin i wouldn't expect form you. every time i check out ya om's they get me hooked an i keep readin an readin it an waitin on the next om you make. but much love for ya dawg. peace out

Thanks preciate y'all takin out ya time and reading the piece....all pointers been taekn inta accoun as well......Up