"Deflowered Rose"

Enjoy or endure.


http://img1.imagetitan.com/img1/1/16/vandam.jpg
“Deflowered Rose”

Under the guise of darkness, lies a heartless, guy who hides the carcass…
…of a seven-year-old school girl back in his high rised apartment.
She'd tried her hardest,
To escape the ropes he'd tied her arms with…
…before this tyrant started to divide her garments,
And molest the child regardless.
…
The violence started, once she'd rejected his evil suggestion…
…he beat her 'til her cries for help were little more than silent yelps.
The pungent stench of his stale breath, clung to her pale flesh…
…and she balled her fists at each sordid kiss, placed upon her by his morbid lips.
A single finger prised open the pink insides of this shrinking violet...
...and as his assertive hand plundered her cervic glands -
He barely blinked an eyelid.
Rose couldnt bring her eyes to meet the glare of this demon,
So, tearfully, she stared at the ceiling - Feeling her innocence tearing and bleeding...
His arms were strong and sculpted,
With veins that fed him copious strength...
...as he made a grope for her neck, held her over the bed and choked her to death.
...
Now under the guise of darkness,
There lies a heartless guy who's prides departed,
That roams the streets hoping to find his targets...

To Be Continued ..

Replied To -

Every Single Friday.
By Evolve

`Misery-from-Torture:
By :NyKali:

And a tonn of others, as usual. I spend more time in this forum than anywhere else ..

Blah. Why do I even bother anymore?

Ok there was some great imagery here and emotion was brilliant here also.I would have really liked a longer piece because I was really getting into the storyline.Your emotion really held my attention.You talked about such a serious thing and displayed it very well.Structure worked and i liked the way you did it too.Storyline was very good also,you did not go off track and you stuck to what you were saying.Overall it was a great piece and I am most definatly looking out for more of your pieces bro.Great work


Could you drop feed On Herasy.Tanx
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=282465

Cam you are my hero!! LOL.. In all seriousness, i thought this was flawless. The imagery, word choice.. everything worked together. The story was a little desturbing but entertaining none the less. I look forward to the rest. Well done. One

^ I actually fucking lost with this verse in the SS league last week. Lol. But yeah, I thought it was pretty flawless too, not bad for my first return to topical shit.

Goddamn do heads sleep these days though ..

i liked this cam, the imagery was defintley on point. felt like i could see what was going on. the story behind it had me waiting to read the next line. to me everything was on point and it was a nice read, cant wait to see the rest of the story. on point most def. peace

Should've finished it. I would've nominated it, but besides that I liked that you were able to provide readers with imagery and a sick rhyme scheme, especially in the first stanza. I was feeling the introduction because I got into your piece, which made me mad that you didn't finish it. No point in having it to be continued. I liked the emotion that you portrayed in that little girl. Good shit for the first part.

Under the guise of darkness, lies a heartless, guy who hides the carcass…
…of a seven-year-old school girl back in his high rised apartment.
She'd tried her hardest,
To escape the ropes he'd tied her arms with…
…before this tyrant started to divide her garments,
And molest the child regardless.
…

^Feeling it.

-Nique

I really felt this peice Cam...you got sum great skillz...first off the topic was creative and interesting..the flow was excellent..strucutre was alrught..rhymes were nice and imagery was great through out the whole peice...i was feelin it a lot man...very enjoyable to read..keep it up..peace

nice peice. strong topic to write about. nice imagery, and great vocab. the flow was pretty consistent. it really could of been a lil longer, but at least you put the 'to be continued...' ill definately be lookin out for Part 2. great drop, keep 'em comin.

nice wit this really spoke to me i gotta say deep and complex and all i got a feeling from it the imagery was great and story was good ima describe it as huanting if ya know what i mean u had had some nice rhymin in here and that flow was off da chain stay up
leave feed on my om the broken mirror

No doubt.

Good looks all ..

Cam you just came back too? Haha, nice drop for a comeback ..

Imagery was dope here - and yeah the multis/internals that you
always come with were pretty sick. I liked the first verse the most
it kept me wanting to read and that part was just flawlessly written
in my opinion. You know what your doin' still so keep droppin' them
dope OMs man.

Oh and Please drop feed on my OM ..
When Time Stood Still - Ft. Superb
It's at the top right now .. no one replies to good OMs anymore

"Now under the guise of darkness,
There lies a heartless guy who's prides departed,
That roams the streets hoping to find his targets..."

^Definately my favourite lines here.

"So, tearfully, she stared at the ceiling - Feeling her innocence tearing and bleeding..."

^Sickness in it's fullest here. Both the image and you for thinking it.

Overall, thought it was a good topical OM, got any other topics to rhyme about? Maybe without the sickness next time? Definately got potential to rise to the top in Open Mic.

yo that was sum ill shit
how tha hell u lose wit that verse lol?
but i aintgonna dick ride ya tho

str8 up
emotional
powerful

great drop. real fucked topic but you didn't choose it so i won't rag on ya for it :mad: ..lol i loved the writing though. Although being in the shoes of this person wasn't so plesant, it was REAL descriptive. the writing was the best part of it. every other word went with the next after it just perfect and how you lost with such a verse i don't know ..but it was great. Imagrey was a huge plus, thanks for the read man ..


pz

phenomenal. this left me really wanting to hear more...makes me question myself...

anywayz..imagery was tite, multies were tite. but i had to go back and read some parts over becouse of the verse structure. the actual raping part was disturbingley detailed...
good shit. 10/10

Lol, thanks. You know what, this should be archived. Ive got pieces in Legends now that arent touching this. And where else will you get someone like Evolve saying it was flawless?

wow... imagery....flow...rhyme scheme...dopeness this was excellent...

10/10 STAY UP

Finish this shit and its in Legends...
dope!

Haha, thanks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Camarac

Haha, thanks.

---

I really don't see how you lost that SS battle with this.

I do. I pissed off a good half the board with my comments on how shitty the battles have become here thanks to the likes of Clit-tacular. This match took place shortly afterwards. Go figure .. Lol.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Camarac

I do. I pissed off a good half the board with my comments on how shitty the battles have become here thanks to the likes of Clit-tacular. This match took place shortly afterwards. Go figure .. Lol.

---

Lol... I doubt people will hold a grudge but that shouldn't have happened in the first place.

Okay I've read through this piece a few times now, trying to find something to point out to be incorrect or in need of elevating, but this piece was basically flawless, the topic was interesting (fucked up, but interesting!)... You kept me 'wanting' to read the next line, which in my book keeping your writter interested in your words are is an extremely valueable assit to have on your side, the thing that struck me most about this piece was the vivid picture you painted in my mind with description that was at times amazing... the emotion put into the piece was very strong also, the feeling of disgust really was showed in a vivid passionate light, this really attracted me to the piece as it seemed that you really felt the emotion yourself (not the sittuation,hopefully! but the emotion was heart felt)... the flow was flawless, i read it through to a mellow beat and it really went well to that beat, so automatically i loved the piece from the very start, your vocabulary was very descripive and a mixture of complex and simple, which are two elements that really went to your favour in this, i hate it when people either use to simple or too complex, you seemed to keep a freat ballance of the two, another thing that hit me whilst reading this was the structure, it was unique and showed that you have a creative writting ability...I think this was a brilliant piece and i hope that you do as well next SS battle, and also that people vote fairly this time!

Well done man, i really enjoyed this.

Feed on this piece please mate, thanks.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285683

Wow, it's been so long since I've read a Camarac piece. My Open Mic hero :) . Hell, you gave me my name I have now. But enough of my recollections. This piece was sheer brilliance. It won't even serve a purpose to tell you how great the wording and such was because you already know how great the technical aspect of your pieces are. It's just the imagery .. you portray this piece out to be one hell of a great story. It constantly keeps me interested and following. I also like how you put that picture up there, it was a good idea. All in all, another classic in the Open Mic forum. If you get a chance could please hit up my latest piece.

this shit was tight man

flowwise. lyrics wise. ect

sorry for such short feed

but yeaaa. just wanted to say I read it and liked it. keep doing you

I plan on getting into topicals soon.

I'm not one to jump on the band wagon, but in this case I think that I am going to have to agree with everyone else and say that this piece was ill. No if and or buts about it, you nailed this topic. Your flow was on, your vocab was proper, and your placement was excellent, not to mention your imagery was flawless. I can truthfully say that you paint one hell of a morbid picture, at least in my mind.

favorite lines:
he beat her 'til her cries for help were little more than silent yelps.
The pungent stench of his stale breath, clung to her pale flesh…
…and she balled her fists at each sordid kiss, placed upon her by his morbid lips.
A single finger prised open the pink insides of this shrinking violet...

^The imagery was incredible....seriously thats some vivid and concerning shit.


This whole piece kind of haves a Charles Manson meets Edger Allen Poe vibe .

In all seriousness, i thought this was flawless. The imagery, word choice.. everything worked together. The story was a little desturbing but entertaining none the less. I look forward to the rest. Well done. One

You know, LedgenZ, the part you quoted as your favourite was actually the part heads elsewhere DIDNT like. They thought it threw the flow, but I actually thought that was some of the best of the piece. I guess because the comma's werent there to break it up, they lost the scheme, but yeah - thanks for the props.

Good to see Sarc still around these parts.

hmmm an emotional look on rape... not really savage or anthing well the story as a whole is... but all around this was alright...

hmmm... i liked the metaphoers in here... not too outrageouse... but still hit hard... nice work there... i thought you took your own angle on an already played out topic... i like reading your stuff.... it flows in a nice unique way and it is pretty easy to use.... props for that... makes it easy for everyone to read plus its good for the vets and all...

great work we should collab sometime later.

check out my most recent.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Evolve

Cam you are my hero!! LOL.. In all seriousness, i thought this was flawless. The imagery, word choice.. everything worked together. The story was a little desturbing but entertaining none the less. I look forward to the rest. Well done. One

---

I'd pretty much say the same thing...

Only I'd spell "disturbing" properly. Ha ha!

Yeah, Cam...this was brilliant.

And, I love a gory, sick story...so it's extra special.

Can't wait for part 2.

Peace

Wow, what you've done so far is pretty amazing man. You're just a natural storyteller, nothing in this ever felt forced or like it didn't belong... It jsut felt like I was right in the moment. The concept was amazing, a rather morbib and shocking one, but I love those because they're always the most unexpeced. At first I figured this would be about a lost love or something corny like that, but I was very pleasantly surprised. The flow was amazing, nice and unique, never fell off yet wasn't predictable. I agree with Nique saying you need to finish this though. I can't stand when people post these "to be continued" piece because 9/10 times the piece never actually gets finished... And something like this definately need to be posted as a whole. Ya, just an amazing piece... If you finished up as strong as your started I really think this could go Legendz because it really just stands out as one of the most original and detailed works I've seen in awhile. Great job man.

I'd apreciate it if you could reply to the Abstanti collab:
"Poemicoriginate"
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291509

Cam... When are you finishing this man?? Seriously, this shit was dope. Even if you dont post it.. send it to me.

very ill piece......emotion was very evident and rampant.....your wordplay was ill...your rhyme scheme was of course ill...i loved tha usage of multis and vocab....tha piece incorporated a good bit of complexity....i really enjoyed every part of it and i personaly cant wait to read the second part...keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

This was damn good, I enjoyed the read by far.

Almost worth nominating, if you had written it longer.

Multis were on key, there were NO parts unexplained or just mysterious, right on point.

Nasty, and an emotional, well put together piece.

No one needs emotion when they have indepth thought, though.

I don't know which one you had, but you had it. And good job. I'd like to see more.

Personally.. I think one of the things that cam does best are these short pieces... Because to tell you the truth, he just took a played ass concept & made a beautiful piece out of it regardless... Only a few writers can do that. And I like the typically short length he uses.

^ The way I look at it, popular culture as a whole prefers the short-lived, disposable idea. I touched on this subject a few days ago with Rawk, in my SS interview (If any of you care to read it, just search in that forum ..) But basically, its all about the level of simplicity, mixed with the out-right beastly rhyme scheme. That's what we should all be aiming for. Tell the story in as short a span as you can, but absolutely MURDER the rhymescheme! I dont mean to get all ego-testicle at all, but I make this look easy. Try doing it yourselves and you'll see how hard it actually is, I put a LOT of effort into my sixteens! Lol. Good looking on that Feebs ..