TeKz 0-0 Vs Verbal Insanity. 0-0
Checkins Due Thursday March 30th 11:59 PM Western
Verses Due Saturday April 1st 11:59 PM Western
Topic:Dear Summer
Leave Four Voting Links In Checkin
Printable View
TeKz 0-0 Vs Verbal Insanity. 0-0
Checkins Due Thursday March 30th 11:59 PM Western
Verses Due Saturday April 1st 11:59 PM Western
Topic:Dear Summer
Leave Four Voting Links In Checkin
checking in
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...Man/winter.jpg
Dear summer…
The senseless sense of winter cascades my salt filled wounds…
As the smell of death lingers, the flowers they cease to bloom…
Perilous in a hazy shade of December, deep in freeze I bleed…
As detriment enters my body, I fall deep into an eternal sleep…
Beckoning me to join him in a toast, dances with numbness true to few…
Apparition of death longs to be friend my end… but to see me through…
I see a dream, that dream is you, tears from heaven, summer brand new…
Start, I start crying at the thought, emotion warped, ghosts from my past…
Like I’m living wrapped up in a ouigi board, tessellation of visions…
Unwanted to view, blind to warmth… my memory remains clear of you.
…A picture painted, abstract on a canvas of mind, celestial to pain of rain…
From my eyes, the skies, disguise animosity thunderous clouds rise maimed…
Yet among the paramount thoughts, the thought crosses my mind, I’m insane…
Unnamed, except for the branded chains, living on the streets the cold it pains…
Society turns it’s back, yet summer still holds me in high regard, remains the same...
Blesses me with warmth of heart, food grows from the trees, cascades my mind train.
Shrivelled in a blanket…
I attempt, try to blank it...
Summer loves me to death…
So I write to thank it…
Frustrated to the point It renders my vision blurred, as if, my views are tinted...
This wishful letter to god, is barely even worth the inc used to carefully print it…
Blue eyes, drip beads of fear onto the page, that allows me to cage, confine my rage…
Into written glory, a save-trade, in a civilization where man is supposed to’ve made…
Abolished all atrocities, against another human alike, each one lied to me and you…
So dear summer, I beg you free my soul, complete my heart, shed a ray of truth…
Bring life home, winter only brings death to thou with-out resident.
Dear Summer
In this world of cold and darkness, dear summer I await u
For winter shows no mercy let alone that it hates u
Excitement arises as I dream of playing and having fun
For the warming sensation of ur rays in my face as I run
Extremities done to find u, cuz earth wouldn’t mind two
Summers a year, that’s why we await and time u
Dear summer I plead, Please come and get here quik
Cuz winter is to cold, Its starting to make me sick
I don’t stand alone wen I speak
Nothing ive said is weak
I’d rather see ma face red
During the hottest day of the week
Reluctunt to relieve myself from my homes quilting warmth
Dangerous plagues hit and kill innocents like a winter storm
Perilous threats forbid us from the outer life, from most light
If we should leave our hut we’d come back wit more then frostbite
Pray for the day wen u arrive for I hope that u plan to stay
For I would do as the Indians and praise u every night and day
I don’t stand alone wen I speak
Nothing ive said is weak
I’d rather see ma face red
During the hottest day of the week
Most of the world enjoys summer, but we know summer has its limits
For if summer would have gone on forever its like a cell wasting minutes
We enjoy your presence, your world, your another glorious shining star
Cuz if the world never seen your light we wouldn’t have been climbin far
I leave you with a request, please summer this time show us your best
For wen earth goes searching for you it is like a never ending quest
Good peice, lets get some votes man.
Verbal - Hmm, very different, very unique, but in a good way. You depicted the theme well, i thought you could have added a bit more imagery and photogenic alliteration. I really cant say much but your 3rd stanza was outstanding, basically crushing the category of imagination. Good read.Quote:
…A picture painted, abstract on a canvas of mind, celestial to pain of rain…
From my eyes, the skies, disguise animosity thunderous clouds rise maimed…
Yet among the paramount thoughts, the thought crosses my mind, I’m insane…
Unnamed, except for the branded chains, living on the streets the cold it pains…
Society turns it’s back, yet summer still holds me in high regard, remains the same...
Blesses me with warmth of heart, food grows from the trees, cascades my mind train.
TeKz - I'm a little iffy about the way you approached this topic. At times you were talking about outer life, then Indians, then day and night. Your piece jumped around too much, which made me uninterested in the rest of the piece. I thought you could've put more effort into it, though I dont know of your full topical/poetic strengths, you could've done better.Quote:
Reluctunt to relieve myself from my homes quilting warmth
Dangerous plagues hit and kill innocents like a winter storm
Perilous threats forbid us from the outer life, from most light
If we should leave our hut we’d come back wit more then frostbite
Pray for the day wen u arrive for I hope that u plan to stay
For I would do as the Indians and praise u every night and day
V/ - Verbal Insanity
First off I can't explain too much, I fucked my hand up last night.
Verbal killed this and dropped a superior verse compared to his opponent. damn nice job verbal you wrecked this round.
other dude came played after verbal dropped his, you should of changed it up because on face value it just did not match up.
vote verbal for a dope fucken verse...
Thank you very much for the feed, i would like a little more critisism if possible please, only way one can elevate...
Oh you want that. I can give that to you easily, I think your rap sounded waaaaaay to much like a poem. Granted it's a really good poem, with really good vocabulary, but that's not what people think of when they hear "rap lyrics". I think the rhyming is weak on here too. And that's what I'm saying to the winner. Tekz, I really didn't like the song you wrote. It seemed you tried too hard and hoped your opponent wouldn't show or something. Summer is personified in your rap. The rhyming's, better than Verbal's, but still a liffle iffy. Overall, not an exicting battle.Quote:
Originally Posted by Verbal Insanity.
v- Verbal
Yea i agree with that dude, some people like the poetry rap style (like bounce does) and then there are people who don't it's all about different peoples opinions, but yeah i espect that, thanks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Seneka
Yeah no problem, you'll probably go 6-0 with your style. Let's hope slightly maybe we face.Quote:
Originally Posted by Verbal Insanity.
Yeah, anyway back to the voters.
Verbal... I thought you had a pretty good verse here, you came with some real nice emotion and your imagery was pretty good, To me, in the 2nd stanza when you stopped rhyming, it kind of threw the ryhtm off a bit. some of your lines were kinda long, and yur rhyming was a bit simple, but the emotion and wordchoice still ruled this piece, nicely done
Tekz... I thought you cam pretty simple, nothing fance, you might wanna stay away from all the abbreviations and take the time to write out the whole word (ma, u, wen, ur, etc). your rhyming was very simplistic and kind of boring,
Vote- verbal
Yeah thanks man, i'm not a topical head, but hey i tried lol.Quote:
Originally Posted by Laureate
Verb:
I enjoyed it, the rhymescheme was pretty ill and i could see it flowing nicely on a beat. You had complex rhyming and gave the topic a deep meaning.
Tekz:
I liked this one too, but the rhymescheme didn't impress me and some rhymes seem simple. i couldn't find much of a deep meaning to this, but it kept me interested anyways.
v/ Verbal Insanity... just a stronger piece in all aspects... both did well tho, no verse came overall wack.
verbal, you killed this dude...
verbal-
your imagery was on point like whoa. You had a cool, complex rhyme scheme that really helped flow and intelligence. The best oart though is the imagery. You came at a different angle and you imagery fit it well. You painted a picture. GREAT DROP... this is why your iin TNL and AM.
Tekz-
you cam okay. Your rhyme scheme was simple and with this, there isnt a huge amount of intelligence in the piece which of course makes it boring and bland. you came with okay imagery, but nothing that was really great. overall, okay verse...
v/ verbal
name it, he got it
The senseless sense of winter cascades my salt filled wounds…
As the smell of death lingers, the flowers they cease to bloom…
Perilous in a hazy shade of December, deep in freeze I bleed…
As detriment enters my body, I fall deep into an eternal sleep…
A picture painted, abstract on a canvas of mind, celestial to pain of rain…
From my eyes, the skies, disguise animosity thunderous clouds rise maimed…
Yet among the paramount thoughts, the thought crosses my mind, I’m insane…
Unnamed, except for the branded chains, living on the streets the cold it pains…
fosho i was feelin this..imagery was graphic .....str8 hard hitting..flow was long but on point.........nice use of vocab for the most part...........yeah coo
vs
In this world of cold and darkness, dear summer I await u
For winter shows no mercy let alone that it hates u
Reluctunt to relieve myself from my homes quilting warmth
Dangerous plagues hit and kill innocents like a winter storm
Perilous threats forbid us from the outer life, from most light
If we should leave our hut we’d come back wit more then frostbite
yeah i thought those partsd was nice..i could easily flow with it..as for the rest of your verse i thought was worded a bit off..and rhymes stayed a bit too basic all the way..also a lot cudda been worded a bit better....plus in all tho the piece was short it got a bit repetitive alreadyu...seemed to keep saying..summer...winter...every few lines...instead of sayn developing into a other concepts or imaginings...had sum good poetics to it still
vote-verbal...
for a more graphic verse of imagery...and wording the verse more presise....and nice
Verbal Insanity. wind 1-0
TeKz loses 0-1