"When the Artist Cries"

The weight of a woman lands
on a blank face of woven slate,
as, creating glance is taking to be
not the easiest of beauty's tasks.
I hold a thin brush under grips
of cold finger tips, choking up,
hold alittle higher; stoke the
brittle strings of paper fiber
with a dripping bow soaked in mental
growth formulating paint strokes
while I orchestrate this instrumental.

Look forward into her porcelain
skin before I blink, shook my
sore head as swelling eyes widen
and her sight melts a mans mind
while staring into two pastel eyes.
With every past splash of green
I press to the head of this masterpiece
we grasp another golden moment
together in an ever lasting notion.

The lush greens always craved
the ready touch of a heavy brush
stroke, and although the choking
of swallows along a lungless throat
haunted the dawn of every hollow
ending to the beauty of a rising note;
She couldn't help but to follow me,
her eyes had died......................
It was I who decided to dye them envy.

The heart broken brush cried
a scared spectrum's dyeing shards
of love as I wiped his marred eyes
against a stretch of page to create fine art.
Her open portrait basked in the last
intuition of a past moments unfortunate
collapse as the final draft of confliction
styled her beautiful smile in disposition.

The doors part, she's on display,
Leonardo's love holds a piece of
his soul, and you can see Mona Lisa's
every reflecting emotion attending
.......... Depending on your day.


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278692
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278899

was an ok drop blud, needs a bit of tightnein, but u got ya shit together man, keep it up ~(Y)

http://rapbattles.com/forum/member.php?u=49933


return the favour

It's good, maybe this is you on your off days or something since you seem to be a talented rapper on this forum. I think great defining raps are spontaneous and not forced, maybe that's what you tried, but I could be wrong, overall though, it is good so keep writing and improving on what you have already.

Mmmm, nope not an off day I guess I just suck at rapping :)

Lmao @ these other kids saying you're not that good. But check it.

Quote:

---

The lush greens always craved
the ready touch of a heavy brush
stroke, and although the choking
of swallows along a lungless throat
haunted the dawn of every hollow
ending to the beauty of a rising note;
She couldn't help but to follow me,
her eyes had died......................
It was I who decided to dye them envy.

The heart broken brush cried
a scared spectrum's dyeing shards
of love as I wiped his marred eyes
against a stretch of page to create fine art.
Her open portrait basked in the last
intuition of a past moments unfortunate
collapse as the final draft of confliction
styled her beautiful smile in disposition

---

Best stanzas ^, because you bestowed heavy amounts of vocabulary and visuals right from the start. The emotions contributed to the rest of the piece, and thats always good, in this situation, it was great. This had a pensive, sort of tragical environment which only some can relate to, and for some reason I enjoy seeing that uniqueness from you. You're a unique kid bro, we should meet up sometime in Westfarms Mall or Meriden Square or something. Good read.

Lol, thanks for re-building my self-esteem

hmmm i liked how you ended it... you almost flipped it like you would a battle punch... good work here... very poetic so not much for multies that i could see in here.. but seemed to just flow well just as a writen peice rhyme aside... nice work here... got me think a little... props.

keep writing man... your on a steady uprise.

I think you did good man. way to paint a picture with your lyrics/words lol

hey man its good afta all but i think u ahave a lil bad prop. with ur flow dats all and ur
vocad : 7/10
structure : 8/10
and her's ma fav. verse man
The heart broken brush cried
a scared spectrum's dyeing shards
of love as I wiped his marred eyes
against a stretch of page to create fine art.
Her open portrait basked in the last
intuition of a past moments unfortunate
collapse as the final draft of confliction
styled her beautiful smile in disposition

nice job dude ....keep posting

lol...this dudes gonna say 7 outa ten for vocab...and he spelt it...vocad

Lol ya *Shrug* And there's nothing wrong with the flow, it's just more complex than rhyming soley at the end of each line... But when you read it I garentee the flow never falls off

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ben N. Cyder

Lmao @ these other kids saying you're not that good. But check it.



Best stanzas ^, because you bestowed heavy amounts of vocabulary and visuals right from the start. The emotions contributed to the rest of the piece, and thats always good, in this situation, it was great. This had a pensive, sort of tragical environment which only some can relate to, and for some reason I enjoy seeing that uniqueness from you. You're a unique kid bro, we should meet up sometime in Westfarms Mall or Meriden Square or something. Good read.

---

Word^

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Saint Jerzey

Word^

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i agree to what you just agreed to..lol

watch everyone else do the same

Haha ya... It's so funny


, Glad to see you guys are having such a good time freeposting in my thread. Why don't you stop being gay and leave an actual responce.

Wow.. GREAT imaginary. This was unbelievable, I didnt get it until the end. Im pretty much speachless, your OM's are like some sort of storytelling poetry. This was a wounderful piece. It was actully sad, though at first, it was kind of dull, it is very good. I dont like the structure, because its kind of hard to read. But there's no other way to put the structure, it just wouldnt seem right. I'm nominating this piece for the OMHOF. You more than deserve it. Keep droping stuff. Hopefully they'll be as good, or better than this peice.

Check my pieces
"Satan's Pain"
"Age doesn't Matter"

word choice, multies, flow, and style always stand out to me whenever i read a piece from you. looks like u changed up ur structure......again lol at first when i read it i was like wtf kinda rhyme scheme is this or w/e but it actually reads nicely when u follow the punctuation exactly how it's written. i like the way u kinda gave the paint brush an identity and what not, but the imagery i dont think was all that amazing this time around. i mean the literature was very detailed so i dont see why i couldnt really visualize much. maybe it's just because im tired lol well.....as i just said im tired, and tired of typing as well lol

Thanks alot, and John I'll get at those pieces tomarrow... I don't think I'll have enough time today cuz I've got to go back to school in 10 minutes for practise

This was amazing Atticus. I really enjoyed the read. Very emotional throughout. I saw this was nominated and i would agree with them. Your writing is unlike anyone I have ever read. It is poetic/rapping and u pull it off beautifully. Keep up the great work man.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=281687
^ Feed would be appreciated.

Thanks alot man I really apreciate it... And I've gotta apologize about not returning the favors yet, but I promise I'll get to them during the week and leave a nice breakdown for everyone.

hey was dat supposed 2 be a poem?nice storyline though.uppin 4 votes on haji v venomuz battle

You're retarded.