The Day With No Rules

I was walking down the street, Cars were burnt to ashes.............
Then I saw two cars collision and then a few planes crashes............
A few moments later their were little kids playing with matches......
Then I black out and imediately have sum future flashes...............
The future wasn't looking all that positive what so ever................
No rules and No Cops no one can make peace with eachother.........
First I thought this day would be great with no worry...................
Now the world is Mayhem and many people are diein, true story........
I tried to knock some sence into these people but they despised me...
Gangsters jumped out from the dark alleys just to surprise me...........
I needed a disguise but not sumthin simple i needed one fantastic......
All i needed to do was make people stop this shit, that would be drastic
I had a gun and other people had ones too but mine was plastic.........
I hesitated as I approached the gate to ruleness city...I was nervous
But on the surface I was ready,but ran into a guy that was montastic
I just avoided his eye contact and entered through the gate
People were taking over stores, changes that were to come is a no way
There is no possibiliy people will listen to me they will just hate
and make my fuckin day more great than it already is, hardly
I wish i had a harley, and sumthin to smoke from bob marley
I needed a fuckin strong, skilled guy that would accept to guard me
Cuz i can survive this ruleless day without cops and peeps understanding
and without the cops demanding , with cops people listen.......
which is outstanding..and i'm surprised that people attitudes are changin
Cuz the day is almost over and the rulessness is fading away now
I just look back at what happened and all i can say is "wow"....
how?how..could this be true....how could there be a ruleless day
no way..just thinkin about this situation is makin my head shake
I can't sleep, i keep tossin and turnin until the fuckin bed breaks
But when i finally break the bed i fall through the floor............
I wake up..it was just a dream and I see a dim light through my door
I look where it's comin from, i look out the window and see fire!
Just then i realized that that dream wasn't exactly a lier.........

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=279962

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=279670

nice shit mayne.....good flow and good wordplay....9/10

good structure complex.....nice base ...good vocab ...switchin styles up...dats good keep it upp ....

thanks guys....I appreciate the feed....uppin 4 more

YOu need some serious work here man. That was pretty bad, from syntax to langauge, word choice, diction, everything basically. Way too many errors, you used words that did not fit, make sense. You really got your work cut out for you here, this was bad on all accounts, I can see you tried but you just did not pull it off. Very awkward due to all the errors. Simplistic and novice in feel, and a very old and played rhyme scheme. You could improve on every component of topical writting, nothing stood out as solid to me. You got to work on your word choice and watch your syntax. Eventually you'll get there...

Try and double, even triple check your work before posting, it help to eliminate some of those errors, I know because I suck at spelling anf typing...

i liked ur concept and stuff but when it came to the way u laid it out, not so good....the peeps before me said all that needed to be said---no hate just work on ya stuff and drop some dopeness later

pz
~1~

thanks bounce i really appreicate your time to leave sum good feed..thanks grim for the feed also..uppin 4 more

This piece was decent.I felt you could've worked on it more.At most times it seemed forced.I liked the whole concept of it,but executing it a better way and teizting it upo a bit could've made it more interesting.The word choice and vocab. wasnt all that great,and the multies weren't as well.But i see since this is one of your first open mics because i havent seen you do any at all.But hope to see elevation.Peace.

wow that was probably the best piece i read today its flow was crazy an it had me thinkin like what if. nice work keep it coming!!!

hey muthafucka that shit was nice man ....but i think u can write betta then that i think u have future man keep postin and man i must say in diz life
RULZ ARE MADE TO BROKEN

thanks for the feed...i really appreictae it..uppin 4 more

Uppin ^^^

this was an alright drop homie nice Topic to go with..
propz

This was an interesting topic. It got me to thinking. You're rhyming scheme seemed a little rushed, though (A few moments later their were little kids playing with matches......
Then I black out and imediately have sum future flashes...............). You're vocab was ok, but not the best. Your flow was nice, though. Intersting read. 6/10.

thanks guys.....uppin

this piece seemed a bit played sorta reminded me oof Nas- If I ruled the world sorta song.

overall wordplay was descent but ya could use a lil more complexitity with ya rhymes as well, flow was consistant and ya strucutre was pretty forward as well, the topic itself was like i said before I bit played but ya had some creativity n ya thoughts of mind with thtis piece, descent use of direction with the piece as well

ya did have some hard lines though which i just couldnt imagion liking... no hate but thi is how you work on things n shyt

overall a descent piece for a quicky

holla

thanks man..uppin for more

uppin for feed yo