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A Race To Doom
A Race To Doom
Detest diffuses gladness, crushes love or represses pain,
Feels not thine hardened breast a horrid bliss inside this brain
In the wild shriek of anguish? in the groan of brutal choice?,
Of speechless misery? Hence expressed with thy tyrant voice
Dear to the heart is freedom's way of burning a generous flame,
Indignant rushes, and asserts her rights; through the passivists claim
But for this nameless transport, thou has found a sept,
A gloomy substitute, on the contrary of the depths
Of loathsome dungeons, manacles, and chains and shackles,
Can't draw strange pleasure through paintings of black birds and grackles
We walk the weary stretch of two yellow strips painted and sewed,
While the breeze weaves the leaves, into this winding road.
And fair, and artful, the cultured train obstructed the tracks,
That wound the snare round Africa's thoughtless son's pick axe
And dragged them to perdition. In their eyes wept a song,
Bright shine the splendid stores; sadness crept around the throng
The wondering natives; and with strange peculiar delight,
Gaze on thier novel beauties; as they commend the horrid contrite
New wishes rise which, gratified in part earned them a stay,
And part restrained, intensive contention heightened by delay
Vibrant chimes wake the dread lust of having a no-good family,
Of rich, or rare, for ornament, or use of holy sanity
Which they can't afford, they gladly resign; but still unbought,
Remains only the shining treasure, far beyond of what we sought
In the poor native's estimate; his bow would strike the hay,
His reedy arrows, or the blood dappled skin of his wanted prey
Won from the leopard in the dangerous race to demise,
Mean time impetuous rose the fierce desire of impulsive lies
And, like a sudden deluge, floods swept along the coast,
The sense of right uncultured nature gave for them to survive a hoax
Thus blasted were the joys of private life; all upstrung,
And the fair fruit of confidence, became rotten and the tied vines undone
A canker in its core, that all unseen through these showers,
Changed from a beloved potion to poison turned its salutary powers
But these were trivial injuries, they became confined with age,
To private wrong; outlashed and killed like the fever's rage
Sought but precarious victims for their prey was a hell,
But soon the epidemic madness of this sadness would swell
To pestilential fury, and involved through a flower's bloom,
Surrounding nations in one hell of a fight to general doom.
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29 views. 4 replies, and they were all from me. Please feed this ladies and gentlemen.
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I love RB and the way they give me feed.
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this shyt is dope thats whats crackin that shyt was go0od yo vocabulary was way up there i loved it you are a very intellectual person keep it up b
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That's some good shit. I liked the syllables man. keep it up
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I like how this was portrait. The concept was cool, could've been better. I like the flow, in some parts I got mixed up with some little grammar errors, but you've picked up toward the end. I like the emotion you put into this, very nice, and the metaphors you put in, without using similies as, like or as, great job. This was a easily read verse, I think you need to work on flow, and shorten up your Lines, cause there is a way you can shorten those Lines and still have the same meaning like the lines you've got now. So the Concept was about a Cheeta in africa right?, being hunted right?...I Think, if not then explain to me later. Overall, good drop.
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I dig it when people get deep, and its not just like fuck the police, kill your mom, cut your throat kinda shit... that shit gets old i dug it
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not bad man, good rhyme scheme and flow,above average vocabulary,the imagery was decent not great,emotion was decent also,,,the work you do isnt bad at all man keep writing ill be around to peep.
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Ben, even though I like your work, I still have to warn you. No more upping this. Post your link with your feedback. No more than 3-5 ups per piece.
-Brix
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wow nice visuals.. worded on point fosho
flows tite...nice vocabs...dope poetics going on in this joint.. i'd prefer to have seen it in at least 2 stanzas/verses.. coz it has a bit of length to it.. no biggy still..
all in all t'was pretty sic writing.. with lenty of emotion poured in...
stay1
click this-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278986
pz
