The Chronicles of Life and Death

two links.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...t=273612&page=2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...155#post4021155


I wrote this on an emotional tip...i know the way i put it together seems a bit fucked...but bear with me because the flow is flawless.

As an artist, I wonder am I destined for WHITE CANVASES?

Ask thousands of questions…why the fuck isn’t LIFE ANSWERIN?

It seems like my SIGHT’S TAMPERED WIT…I see COLORS OF PAINT VIVIDLY

Picked up a MIC an COMMANDED IT…branded an COVERED WIT FAINT IMAGERY

Didn’t choose what FATE’S GIVIN ME…but I EXPANDED THE TALENT

Forced flat LAND INTO MOUNTAINS…its not like when I came out I was HANDED A BALLAD….

Lyrically ENHANCED AN EMPOWERED by the fact that I SPEAK TRUTHFULLY

All I need is a pen IN HAND AND AN HOUR…an think the ink’ll just LEAK FLUIDLY

I possess a UNIQUE FLUENCY…CONGRUENTLY PIECE TEXT AND A STRONG VOICE

Redirect all DEBRIS THREW AT ME…USUALLY ‘TWEEN DEATH AN THE WRONG CHOICE…

I SUSPECT THAT IM ON POINT…interwoven in the FABRICS OF RAPS ELITE

CRAFTED ESTABLISHED MAGIC…until I DRAFTED A CLASSIC MASTERPIECE...

AUTOGRAPHED CASKETS TIL I WAS ATROPHIED…then TRIED TO SHY AWAY FROM THE CONFLICT (trying to stop battling…….)

Could my RHYMES DESCRIBE THE FACE OF A CONVICT…or REALIZE HIS MIND’S NOT A PLACE TO GET LOST IN

Could a man still be deemed a WASTE OF SPACE IN A COFFIN? Or is he reborn in DEATH WIT REDEMPTION?

Life cant be ADDRESSED WIT A QUESTION…an all ya problems cant be CONFESSED IN CONFESSION…then BLESSED WIT A BLESSIN

So I wonder why is death stressed as the BEST REINVENTION…they just FORGET TO MENTION there’s still a LIFE TO LIVE

And in SPITE OF THIS…we cant FIND IT IN OURSELVES…we put KINDNESS ON THE SHELVES yet CHRIST FORGIVES

I think for once we can SLIGHT THE SINS…Instead of WAR AN HURT…I try an FORCE THE BIRTH

Of shit so hot it SCORTCH THE EARTH...an FORM A VERSE that shakes it till the CORE DISPERSE…

This shit is MORE THEN WORDS…it’s a SORTA THIRST that I really cant CONVEY IN A RHYME

Something I cant even PORTRAY IN YA MIND…no way Im DELAYIN DESIGN…we all die…we’re dyin right now…A DAY AT A TIME

I think we’re all really the SAME IN THE EYES…lookin right back in the MIRRORS REFLECTION

As we all get NEARER TO DEATH THEN…that’s when we decide to get a CLEARER PERSPECTIVE…

An I know BEFORE LONG, I’ll reach one person with the words that I FORM IN A SONG

Then its all worth it…cuz life means a little MORE WHEN ITS GONE

uppin for feed...the two threads are above so this shit is taco bell good to go baby!

This piece right here was really easy to read and your flow was crazy, you had good wordplay and some okay vocab words, you make the reader picture as they read the piece so that good imagery. Structure is allover the place thou but overall it was good and i really liked reading it from line one.

yo son fix up ur structure 4 real son

it waz decent but confusing

keep up da work
work on ur strucutre then u be dope

lol. i dont know how to fix it....thats how the lines are supposed to hit really...it sounds good if you go thru it slow...but i do appreciate the feedback so far.

That piece was deep------The structure was on point and it flowed smoothly as I read through it.. Keep elevateN.....NICE DROP___

O-M

Ghetto Living
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=275947

thanks for the feed bro...much appreciated.

it was decent you made it easier to read with the spaces. It was a good concept you could've improved on it wit better lines but it was still pretty decent not HOF material but it was pretty iight

word. ya i hear that...i am in the middle of a writers block right now..this isnt my best fire. also who is this AMP cat in ur losses...could that be Amplifeye???

Uppin For Fizeed.

still uppn

i liked dis piece...actually i kinda liked da way u set it up 2 cuz it made it ezier 2 read
usually i'm all 'bout da organization in drops, but "organized chaos" works 2 LOL!
Anywayz, these were my fav lines...

All I need is a pen IN HAND AND AN HOUR…an think the ink’ll just LEAK FLUIDLY

I possess a UNIQUE FLUENCY…CONGRUENTLY PIECE TEXT

Da way u pulled em 2getha was nice...it's def a piece u gotz 2 read slowly but once u do, da flo really comes 2getha.

Ur wordplay was tyte & even tho ur vocab was pretty simple, it held 2getha nicely...
U had good imagery thru out which is what really makes da piece worth reading...

As 4 elevation...i think all u need is 2 keep @ it cuz ur writin's containin all da right parts...jus keep changin up ur structure cuz u don't wanna get stuck in 1 or another--u gotta make sure ur reader can feel it per topic, got me?

Anywayz, tyte drop overall & keep postin/elevatin...1

-LL

that was tight, flow, structure, the rhymes themselves, it was sick

thanks man....and double L much love...im glad some peeps are feelin this shit for once. damn.

Wow Wow wow

this fucking piece was tight as fuck the multis you used are dope i mean probably the best i've ever seen and your flow is so fluent, my friend this would a make a dope as fuck audio track, i think if you ever get into audio you should consider doing a collaberation with me:) do you have an msn messenger address coz i think we should work on a track together.
keep up the good work and stay dropping hotness

well I found the structure hard to read but I felt the flow - no doubt favorite line ------------- was the last four lines I love hearing real shit like that but shit was hot keep it up and I like the akward flow

hell ya. thanks for the feed y'all....still uppin.

still uppin for feed. thanks.

yo..this could have had better structure cuz it was all over the plac ena dit effected the flow...rhymes were pretty good..sum were good sum were descnet not too may simple ones...mutlies were lacked.....topic was cool..interesting and it was enjoyable to read....overall this was good..keep at it

i agree with most of that esp about the structure...but lacking multis???? hmm. idk about that.