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Mind Phonic...
Mind Phonic
We're livin in a world where everything goes...
Where anything grows...in the backyards of our homes...
And that just shows...how many people choose to expose...
Themselves to harmful fumes to their nose...
But nobody knows...who does it, who doesn't, until your mind just explodes...
And your mind, and your nose, and your whole face just erodes...
But enough of the drugs, hatin enough...discrimination and stuff...
There's so many expectations its tuff, like seperating people by race isn't enough...
No,they take it to the next level, where slavery is a question...
And it needs to be answered with bravery and aggression...
This subject is simply seeking attention, so powerful it leaves people with psychotic depression...
Not knowing the situation...lost contact with reality...
A simple morality, so easy to answer...you dont need a mentality...
But most of these slaves are confined...
They've either been smuggled in...or in debt and simply laggin behind...
See, even if they got away to announce their explanation...
They crossed the border without the needed information...
Simply stuck in the situation by their illegal immigration...
They're patient..but how much longer can this go???
For how many more years can this grow???
How many people will die, and just cry, for us to say no???
And just stop this crime, before we're all out of time...
Before we start up a war, from inside of our core...
and leave bombs on our doors,till we can't take it no more...
We're destroyin ourselves, simple as that...
We're making us burst, your making it worse,for our habitat...
United As One... Is simply a saying...
Benighted As None... Is where the devil is playing...
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yeah.....it was tight................good use of words............nice job.......pz.
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Damn people sleep a grip...
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Damn very impressed with the deepness u took to the topic, very little negatives about the piece (other than the structure..not gonna say u had stretched lines cuz u put everything u can into 1 line 2 make it dope...like me) but find ways to fix the struc. other than that u had some DOPE wordplay,flow,pretty good vocab,wasnt overally feeling the imagery but everything else overpowerd that so it was a very nice drop......
FAVORITE LINES:
We're livin in a world where everything goes...
Where anything grows...in the backyards of our homes...
And that just shows...how many people choose to expose...
Themselves to harmful fumes to their nose...
But nobody knows...who does it, who doesn't, until your mind just explodes...
^^loved the wordplay...and because it was the opener..it got me to keep reading..lovin it!
keep on keepin on!
hit my link* om
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^^Thanks...I'll hit your OM in a bit...Thanks again..
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I enjoy this piece in it's simplicity to the point. You get right to what you're talkin about without being too creptic, which is nice. Nice flow, very good rhyming and vocab although there are a few lines where it is a bit stretched. As good as the beginning was, the ending was pulled off even better. Overall, a good piece.
I'll be watching.
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dope rap, love the flow, great structure , voacbulary was good, fathomless depth, great topic, over all this was really a really good rhyme. Interseting keep postin ur shits good.
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Nice .. Flow was great i was totally in it
Liked the following lines:
But enough of the drugs, hatin enough...discrimination and stuff...
There's so many expectations its tuff, like seperating people by race isn't enough...
No,they take it to the next level, where slavery is a question...
And it needs to be answered with bravery and aggression...
This subject is simply seeking attention, so powerful it leaves people with psychotic depression...
this part was just great.. the flow the lines the wordplay.. Nice drop
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^^Thanks again...Uppin...
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Short feedie:
dope shit indeed...nice rhymes and flow..
The content was rather good..props..
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Thanks but I'd try leavin more feed so you don't get on the warning list and then banned...Try it...No hate just lookin out...
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props on the piece homie. I likes how you were rhymin within the lines as well as at the end. That's important cause it showcases skill and keeps attention of reader. On that note, You really should'nt worry too much about line length. Reason being is if you rhyme internally, like you do, random size lines will for the most part play themselves out.
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Meh.. Dont like the topic, but overall, it was a pretty nice drop. The thing I didnt like was that it was kind of choppy, not the flow, but I couldnt tell what you were trying to get to the reader. Dope flow, ok creativity, nice wordplay, overall this was good.. But as usual, there is always room for elevation. If this could be rated, it would be a 7.5/10.. Keep dropin.
Check out my Om please.
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cool--->
you blew me away wit this one...i especially liked those multis in the first stanza.
strong finish as well...you summed up all of your lines with well concieved structure..
nice
i give this a 9.5-not much room for improvement
`1`
plz hit up a link in my sig
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^^^Thanks Guys...Grim Ill Hit Yours Up In A Bit...Thanks Again...
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damn nigga thats sum good powerful stuff its about time someone did a verse or two like that keep it up 1
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it was good i didnt expect it to turn into a race thing but it was good your lines were a bit streached but it was a good peice
i liked your structure 8/10
Fav lines
See, even if they got away to announce their explanation...
They crossed the border without the needed information...
Simply stuck in the situation by their illegal immigration...
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^^Hey Thanks For The Good Feed Guys! Keep Them Commin...
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ur internal structure was good--how u rhymed within the lines...
i liked the topic cuz u put ur own style in2 it which is wat dis is all about
props on dis drop, but i think u can def elevate by choosing another topic dat's controversial like dis 1...not 2 many people can pull dis kinda piece off, but u did it nicely.
-LL
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Thank You...Always Uppin For Some Feed...
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