..When the Ink dries.. N LitEnd & Phayme

N LitEnd 1st
Phayme 2nd

When the ink dries, I want the stains on the page to send cries
When the ink dries, I want the strains & the pains to let fly

.. When the Ink dries ..

When pen meets paper, trains of thought leave my minds station
Evoke inhibitions, contemplate, letting my thoughts find patience
I can feel the emotion pumping through my veins after every word
I come to life as I write, the inks not dry, the next deadly verb..
..occurs in scripture to deliver the next quiver, to set your eyes ablaze
In a daze, body and soul shiver, my hand shakes, my eyes glaze
For the time I’m writing, I’m free, there is nothing to hold me back
The art of writing takes over, every curve leads to show just that..
..what you wish to portray, can be done with a flick of the wrist
anger, sadness, happiness, loneliness .. anything .. tick off the list
When the Ink Dries..
..i want you to be able to feel my words, feel my passion, my emotion
the sentences strung together, that plays a sweet melody of devotion
the flow of motion, like liquid, my hand glides across the sleek page
with discrete rage, another line is created to show feeling on these days
mind takes flight to write scripture, destination: far from comprehensive
knocked on the back foot, other minds distorted, lost defences
for when when my ink dries, truth is told, not lies, I justify
there’s no boundaries, no edges, no walls, nothing to stop me, i just defy
this is how I feel when I write, I take flight, soaring high, time is tamed
how I feel when verse is done, ink is dry? Them moments, my life is changed

..When the Ink Dries..
The pen hits paper, My blood reaches its destination
The divine creation, Drying the ink in nothing more than a temptation
Without ink, my minds on vacation.. So I keep the pen on paper
Writings my life, So if the ink dries.. My blood will resemble it moments later
But the ink wont last forever, So as it dries, I become weak
So my writing technique resembles my life, So to speak
I just take the pen, jot down my thoughts, hoping the ink stays wet
So through my writing I pray im something my family wont forget
Just Pray...
That the ink is immortal, That I dont have to cross that portal
So to carry my life on, I take the pen hoping that my writings become mortal
Give them characteristics of me, Hoping to set my soul free
I write for my life, Hoping that one day Ill create a Jubilee
Just Pray..
That the ink will spare me, Even give me one more night
Because the minute the ink dries, Is the minute my soul dies







http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271274
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post3953496

Feed?

Quote:

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When pen meets paper, trains of thought leave my minds station
Evoke inhibitions, contemplate, letting my thoughts find patience
I can feel the emotion pumping through my veins after every word
I come to life as I write, the inks not dry, the next deadly verb..

---

Wow @ the 2 first bars. I loved this peice actually, it deserves something more than feedback. Your flow was amazing, no line was stretched at all, and wow @ your vocab. Nothing was forced or played, the storyline was pretty fucking sick, and you approached this unique title to extent. I really enjoyed this piece, keep writing.

Quote:

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The pen hits paper, My blood reaches its destination
The divine creation, Drying the ink in nothing more than a temptation
Without ink, my minds on vacation.. So I keep the pen on paper
Writings my life, So if the ink dries.. My blood will resemble it moments later

---

Very nice Phayme, you're getting better and better everytime. Your flow is flawless too, and your vocab came understandable to me, and i enjoy that. Your emotion was more...there if you will, than your collab partner, and thats what stood out to me. Great job both of you. HoF material, thanks for the read.

very creative topic, brings alot of imagery just by the title.
i think Inlitend coulda had a much better flow except it seemed that he tried to force some multies which sorta stretched some of the lines.
good word choice though i certain places really brought it all together. shows that it's not alwayz necessary to use big words but just have a large variety of vocabulary

When pen meets paper, trains of thought leave my minds station
Evoke inhibitions, contemplate, letting my thoughts find patience

..i want you to be able to feel my words, feel my passion, my emotion
the sentences strung together, that plays a sweet melody of devotion

lovin these 4 lines



Damn, didnt know canna could write like this
Emotion was very deep, imagery and metas even in such a short amount of lines was crazy. i was feelin every line of your verse
only thing that confused me was in the 2nd line where you said "Drying the ink in nothing more than a temptation"
but besides that it was nice

I agree with Nostradomus, actually, and personally I relate to the flow and the structure. Seems to me we rhyme in a similar way, except that you stretch your sentences maybe a 'lil bit too much. That, of course, doesn't mean it's bad, especially if that piece is gonna stay on paper, as a poetry.

Because the minute the ink dries, Is the minute my soul dies

^Collects all the topic in one line, good good.

Keep it up.

Peace

Krit!cal

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated. First thing i've written for months & happy with how it came out.

No problem man

Yeah.
Up

When pen meets paper, trains of thought leave my minds station
Evoke inhibitions, contemplate, letting my thoughts find patience
I can feel the emotion pumping through my veins after every word
I come to life as I write, the inks not dry, the next deadly verb..



awesome piece, the opeenr was perfect, caught my attention ,it was flawless, the structure, the flow, the multies, the vocabulary was really good as well, it really caught my eye, two words i didn't know ibn it, i looked up in dictionary. com, lol. but the good thing is, nothing was forced so i was able to read it smoothly the entire time

That the ink will spare me, Even give me one more night
Because the minute the ink dries, Is the minute my soul dies

BAM! closed it up fine as well

dopeasfuck stroyline, as well as an original topic to go along with an innovative story

awesome piece, phayme you keep gettin better everytime

*Nominates*

Ight thanks

This was a really nice piece actually. Surprising I've never seen this topic done to this extent which is weird, because you'd think people who think of this often. In the verse you guys both had what the other needed I think. Phayme had nice emotion and stuff but he was deffinately outshined by Sy's more poetic and descriptive aproach in his verse. But Phayme deffinately had the better sctructure and flow in his verse. I mean, you both had really long lines that I would have liked to have seen cut down a bit... But Phayme used internal rhyming so it kept the flow moving. When I was reeding Sy's I lost the flow alot and felt more like I was reeding a poem. But ya, overall nice piece... Actually the way you both had what the other needed kind of made it work now that I re-reed it. Cuz you reed Sy's and think "Dope, coulda used more flow though", then next first you get just what you asked for in exchange for some of the description. Nice shit overall... I enjoyed it.

Thanks, but "Sy's"?

That would be...

This Was gOOD
gOOD Job homez
Really it was dope
8.10

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N LitEnd

Thanks, but "Sy's"?

That would be...

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syletnz=cannabarz=dzaster=phayme

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Siege

syletnz=cannabarz=dzaster=phayme

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But not the Cannabarz your thinking off.

Up.

To the top

And again..

ZzzzZzzzZzzzZ

Quote:

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Originally Posted by n litend

..i want you to be able to feel my words, feel my passion, my emotion the sentences strung together, that plays a sweet melody of devotion the flow of motion, like liquid, my hand glides across the sleek page with discrete rage, another line is created to show feeling on these days

---

Wow... at how sick these lines were .. rest were nice but wow@these.
Your flow was sick throughout, you had a nice selection of unforced multies which put a nice edge to this verse.Also you had good emotion in there.which is important and you pulled it off well.

Quote:

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The pen hits paper, My blood reaches its destination The divine creation, Drying the ink in nothing more than a temptation

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These opening lines were the best in my opinion.nice flow and a good selection of words .. i dont think you were as good as N Litend but still pretty good i feel your piece lacked emotion and didnt meet the standards N was giving . Yet dont get me wrong this was all good.

Up.

Theres nothing much i can say which has not already been said, the structure was good, vocab excellent, storyline good and presentation good, this is the kind of standard that should be set for all OM's, keep it up both of ya

Can ya check ma OM, thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271537

Thanks for the replies, appreciated.

I'll get on ya open mic now.

N LitEnd?

no shit... lmao

anyhow... good shit ya'll... actually wrote about something... OM is missing substance something fierce...

critique? umm... maybe work on some alternate rhyme schemes... switch it up some... but thats about it

everything else was solid fellas

Thanks, much appreciated.

Quote:

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for when when my ink dries, truth is told, not lies, I justify
there’s no boundaries, no edges, no walls, nothing to stop me, i just defy
this is how I feel when I write, I take flight, soaring high, time is tamed
how I feel when verse is done, ink is dry? Them moments, my life is changed

---

nice, i was feelin that. creative .


nice topic, lookin forward to see'n more drops sonny .

im feelin it alot its like wen u write ya get a natural high off writin down shit that flows thru u if u get wot im sayen safe im feelin dis pice alot man..

nice job. this one sounded a whole lot like an actual song. prolly make for a great audio key if you ask me. flow was nice, and its cool how you can bring imagery into a piece that doesn't seem like a story is what its made for, ya kno. all around, good read man, keep writin'.

peACE

Thanks for all the replies.

Yup

Y`all liking that wordplay?
eh
eh?

!!!!

Word