Sorry for my selfish love.

Selfish Love.Doesnt matter what you think cause ur mind I'm starting to hate.
bad socialsm, we argue N' yell more than we conversate.
improper love why can't we just live easy N' understand.
hold hands. kiss in public just be happy N' laugh everytime we can.
.
.
tears drop on her chest slowly, shirt rinckles up, lips tremble.
crys unfinished, tears get thicker, body shakes as we resemble.
she grabs my thoughts then use them against me like a weapon.
ear drum's tickle as I hear her heart pound every other secound.
wimps N' weaknisses come out of her, N' secrets start to release.
tells me her fears no arguments or accusements finally its peace.
conversation's continues as our love and thought's deeping.
hug her tighter grip hardens as her voice cracks N' she weakens.
as minutes N' time past I again cross into her heart's path.
finally tears fall away, regain's her voice as we start to kiss N' laugh.
.
.
baby I didn't know your problems didn't know whats above.
N' I'm sorry I'm wondering if you can forgive me 4 my selfish love.

just made this

1st I'm evil king
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264767
2cd
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...06#post3872306

uppin.

yo this was aight. it had some good imagery an it flowed pretty good. it had some vocab. but just keep doin ya thang an you need to make it longer it would've been better an i could've gave you more feed than i did. just keep doin it dawg. peace out

Wow....That was really really good man. It really hit home, I mean I think everyone who has a girlfriend should read this. Nice imagery, very nice flow. I liked everything about it bro. Good job.

nah fa real i was deffo feelin dis ish, good imagery good use of vocab it was kinda short stil but i'd deffo wana read more shiit from u... 9/10 gud shiit man keep at it...1

uppin.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LAYDEEE SNYPAH

nah fa real i was deffo feelin dis ish, good imagery good use of vocab it was kinda short stil but i'd deffo wana read more shiit from u... 9/10 gud shiit man keep at it...1

---

im feeling that shit, it was from the heart something all these boys need to cinfess up to nice 10 out of 10 4 real no bull ish.

uppin.

it's an okay piece , short but to the point,
its iight, some wat some emotion,
vocab was o.k but lines were kind of strecthed.
but overall an iight piece.

First link wasn't decent feedback. Please put in a link with more than a line and a couple of words or this gets closed, thanks.

okay johnny.

I liked it it was tight.The opening line really kept me reading,but i dont really get why it was called my selfish love but i liked it keep it up.

uppin. N' thanks

Coo .. i was feelin it fuhreal . Sounds like you inlove w/ cha wifey sonny ..
Wordplay .. Good
Plot .. Excellent .

I give it to you . most defenitely . keep goin

thankz

uppin. :noor:

damn uppin 4 feed.

nice layout..cool flow... easy to read.. concept was a lil basic in entirity..could of had a little more intrigue added in.. good styling still...
would like to see something more in depth with a twist and a turn from you

stay1

pz

bit short but it ws gd
flow ws gd and consistent
structure ws gd
rhymin ws mainly gd but a bit simple
this ws a gd drop

thankz 4 the feed

uppin. :realist:

uppin.

uppin.

Nice Flow, Easy to real, Consistant Content. Nice job, Keep it up.

uppin.

that wasent that bad, could of been better. strait reading, concept was pretty basic but overall decent stuff .
7/10

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by .Jay.Brook.

Selfish Love.Doesnt matter what you think cause ur mind I'm starting to hate.
bad socialsm, we argue N' yell more than we conversate.
improper love why can't we just live easy N' understand.
hold hands. kiss in public just be happy N' laugh everytime we can.
.
.
tears drop on her chest slowly, shirt rinckles up, lips tremble.
crys unfinished, tears get thicker, body shakes as we resemble.
she grabs my thoughts then use them against me like a weapon.
ear drum's tickle as I hear her heart pound every other secound.
wimps N' weaknisses come out of her, N' secrets start to release.
tells me her fears no arguments or accusements finally its peace.
conversation's continues as our love and thought's deeping.
hug her tighter grip hardens as her voice cracks N' she weakens.
as minutes N' time past I again cross into her heart's path.
finally tears fall away, regain's her voice as we start to kiss N' laugh.
.
.
baby I didn't know your problems didn't know whats above.
N' I'm sorry I'm wondering if you can forgive me 4 my selfish love.

just made this

---

Its not that bad, You can do better.