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I'm Done
-Hook-
I'm done, im tired of this shit, im finished
all my dreams have just deminished
all my thoughts consist of senseless
i keep tryin but im tired of pretendin
let me tell you a lil bit bout this pain
yeah let me show you my pain
-Verse1-
you was my number one my girl my one and only
but now thats all changed i need someone to hold me
i cant take this anymore...here take this pain back
im tired of pickin up you why dont you pick up your slack
ive been nothing but understanding and helpful
but when i ask for a phone call i'd been unusefull
i wasnt expecting much just a simple call
i didnt recive one so im watchin my steps makin sure i dont fall
love is for suckers i thought it wasnt but really it is
im tired of cryin at night over you so pack up your shit
get out my crib and dont you look back not even for a second
you should have thought about me when you was hesitent
its over im done finished not to return to you ever
my gray skys went from glummy to happy i feel better
now that your gone i can be more of my self
stay away....dont come back cuz im better off i get my wealth
i will post links here in a few min just give me time
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you was my number one my girl my one and only
but now thats all changed i need someone to hold me
i cant take this anymore...here take this pain back
im tired of pickin up you why dont you pick up your slack
ive been nothing but understanding and helpful
but when i ask for a phone call i'd been unusefull
^word dude
I felt some of this, had some emotion and shit, cool little read.. not much else to say. I mean seems like you was just letting some stuff out.. not a bad job doing that.. keep dropping man. this was aight. pz
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thanx uppin for more feed
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this was an ok verse, seeiing that it was personal, it brought out some good emotion in the piece, however i thought that you could have spiced up the content a little more with some wordplay,internals...it was very slow reading,which was ok seeing it was kind of a sappy song.....overall the overall content could use some work but the emotion, idea behind it were all good!
keep upz
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thanx for the feed uppin for more
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man this was real good nice elevation and rhymes man im feelin this good job
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thanx for the feed uppin for more feed
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wasn't that good........................... structure was good didn't really have any creativity wasn't feeling the emotion N' it was too short if ur gonna make it short then put emotion N' imagary in it ......................4/10 no hate just elavate.
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PLEASE, I beg you. Do not rhyme pain with pain and self with self. That kind of shit irritates me. Anyway, it was truthful and packed with emotion, that's always good. But I just thought the rhyme scheme was really simple...
keep writing.
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thanx for the feed upping for more
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It wasen't too bad, needs work though, imo. I thought the vocab was basic, imagery was below average, it didn't flow to well either.
Overall, an average piece, i guess. Still needs a lot more work.
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I'm letting the subpar replies on the links you left slide because they were just about good enough. Go into more detail next time and stop rating OM's out of 10. Read the rules, shit gets closed for that.
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Dont rhyme a word with another word, bit you have some talent
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I mean dont rhyme a word with the same word.......
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Good drop, Good topic, I really could see the imagery, good use of vocabs and multies. Your flow was pretty decent, overall it was good homey keep it up
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nice open mic song man but always train yourself
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wtf you mean by train myself i do everything w/ music i do myself
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The hook was decent & the first 6-8 lines of the verse were a really good start, but it seemed to slowly go downhill after that. You showed a lot of emotion throughout & the flow was good.
Overall, i liked it...
It would be appreciated if you could drop a quick vote in this battle:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=267356
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I been through the rapping about women stage... got thru thast tho.. no offense but fuck a bitch in the ass until shes wont shit right for a week.. as for rhymes and vocab complex and flowing.. Good rhyme shitty topic.. hola
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is it me or does it seem like 9/10 OM's here are written about heartbreak or women in general, shits really gettin old homie, i know you write good shit but my advice is, stop fuckin writing about women, its cool every once in a while to show your emotion and of course you have to write romantic shit like this to be an expandable writer, but please just stop writing about females...
thank you
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i dont write about females very often i usally write about real life situations or some shit like that
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