No More Sunshine pt. 2

.......

P.S. this was the last open mic i wrote, probably about 6 months old right now

Bump



it got lost in the pile.

you have too many good lines to qoute but..
.."and it feels awkward when she makes me rub her belly"
you're opening line says a lot
liked the whole thing start to finish.
hope to see more post from you.

Yo this piece was sick, ur flow was on point all the way thru and u stayed wit the same rhymin technique allway thru. You vocab was nice wid bare multis and you stayed to the storyline well. Id giv it like a 8 or 9 outa 10.

Peace:)
p.s hit me up on Random Spit!

yeah this story flowed nice and easy.. i'd say maybe a bit stronger vocab here n there wudda lifted it more , but hey sa'll good... rhyme scheme was snazzy.. some off the heezy multies... had a few good poetic touches... structure was decent...
flow was steady....


good lil story for real

stay 1

Let me get this straight, you've got the nerve to call my piece garbage and you come out with some shit like this? Chain Letter was a simple, dope boast piece, you tried to be original and came up short fucko. Your vocab was below average, your multi's were practically nonexistant, you subject matter was played and your imagery was uninteresting.

You fucking elavate, start throwing your balls around again and i will slap you down, kid.

tried to be original?? kid, im not a net-head like you. this shit is actaully happening to me and im dealing with it as we speak....even if its played out, im an MC. and i write about shit i feel, and concepts that appeal to me.

just cause its been done alot ,it isnt gonna stop me from putting my emotions in text and sharing my side and what i think bout it.


you CHAIN MAIL GUYS needa get a clue, anyone cant write words down. but my shit is real, my shit people can actually relate too, my shit actually has meaing and a purpose behind it.


yall stuck on poetry shit and over stress the mechanics of writting, plus i got 30 more multis then your verse, you needa learn the definition cause you just look stupid.


your work should be a message you want to get across to people, not how pretty your verse looks.

well to be honest i was feeling this a bit
it was a descent piece i liked it most because it seems
like something you actually going threw...........
plus you had a few nice lines that i know alot if
people can relate to...so i enjoyed reading it
peep my piece dont test chick

I was feelin the story having gone threw it myself. It flowed quite nicely, though it isn't my particular taste. It coudl be beefed up a little bit. But overall I think it is very good.

yea, now that ive expressed my opinion on that issue....


its time to drop that hot shit next.


but im glad you guys felt it.

rhyme scheme was ok.....

vocab was meh

visual was meh

overall a ok peice at best

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=262736

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Johnny 6-feet

Let me get this straight, you've got the nerve to call my piece garbage and you come out with some shit like this? Chain Letter was a simple, dope boast piece, you tried to be original and came up short fucko. Your vocab was below average, your multi's were practically nonexistant, you subject matter was played and your imagery was uninteresting.

You fucking elavate, start throwing your balls around again and i will slap you down, kid.

---

\
LMAO word^^^

all i see from you is givin feed about how shitty everyone else is...then come with shit...multies not there...flow..for he most part was ok but choppy in spots...vocab was elementary as well as ryhme scheme...played topic and the beginning didnt grab my attention and the endin didnt do it for me niether

overall 4/10...elevate

does you net heads know what multis are??? lol imma about to post the definitio so you can educate yourselves....



well thanks for your feed...im sorry i didnt post a poem like everyone else

but have you guys ever touched a mic?

yes i thouch mic all the time.....aswell as butt's...:rolleyes:

but ummmmmmmm there is no mic here fam....it's the net....u have to convert it.......u'll get it one day............i hope

pz

keep elevating

look what da fuck is your deal kid....im leaving you with my opinion which you should take and imbrace and work on becuze i can garunte you I am MUCH better then you...so why take criticism like a bitch???...how bout you take wat everyone tells you...fix it...then show everyone else up by postin some raw shit....dont take it like a bitch

not worth it..

DA fuck you talkin about???....i was talkin bout wat you jus posted....and the fact that you actually recorded that garbage makes look even worse....i was sayin when people give you constructive criticism...dont take it like a bitch...cuz believe it or not there are ALOT of people that are better then you....johnny 6 feet...me...just to name a couple...so take wat we say and work on that garbage you call lyrics

whatever, kid, dont front

if you want beef set it up, if not then why you still yappin??



i took your feed, move on, dont catch feelings on the net.

fam....u coulda butt fucked the lyrics n made them call u sally for all i care.....u just sounded retarted.....it's the net....as in TEXT open mic....Not AUDIO open mic......wow here since 04 huh......still newbish minded

nuff said...............:coolio:

Stop the beef talk. Set up battles outside of Open Mic or i'll start closing threads.

lol


both of you, thanks for your feed. but if you gotta problem im not hard to find, set it up


but dont just randomly freepost 4 times in an open mic. come on now, talk about noob minded.

we might not get a mini van but my children wont be living bad
i cant buy them all pony's, but i'll always give them a piggy-back



corny