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Struggle for Victory
Struggle for Victory
For your lively sake, please do not weep or mourn,
For I have prepared for my death since the day I was born..
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Critical anxiety flowing, cerebriation crashing through my mind,
Blood rushing through my veins, I seek for help; there's no signs
Muscles tightening upon compression, my thoughts are oppressive,
I urge myself to run, but the fear of death makes me repressive
The moment is soon to come, where failure is a presence,
the masks come off from demons, and treat humans like peasants
The death of one has come quickly, another soon to call,
while the struggle for victory is endless, so is hell's fall
Ever embracing the solitary contrary to his old friends,
Cold winds of an autumn he spends without a soul's breath
Dropped the paint brush to illustrate a vision he can touch,
Graffiti laminated walls beckon his name to fill in the cuts
So heaven he walks, down a savaged path to hear the water's tide,
As it crashes the receding line of sand, it hollers and cries
Replenishing the tear's in his eyes, he wants to plunge in,
But the hidden sun sings his demise of demons in a dungeon
Before his father used his hand to violently maul his face,
Burning his pupils to a memory that even he could never trace
If only he could see the stars plummeting because of his death,
He sold his soul and eternity for 24 hours of vision in stead
Now, he lacks the dollars to recollect his pastels and chemistry,
An entity of little meaning, scening his chest with an elegy
His skin cut to ribbons, his enemy is his own subconscious,
A monster scaring him out the closet is now the lady ceasing the nonsense
His mother has been looking for her first born for months on end,
Attends the city's primates, a jungle of rusting wires about to disconnect
Listening to the voices in her head, finding the speaker of these words,
Turns to park at the curb, walking past the park benches and birds
Disturbed, a quick gasp exhumes from her gaping mouth,
The shaping clouds casts a gloom on her son not making a sound
Cries into the night, blood clots stop the puddle of life,
Sighs are not heard through the dimness located in his eyes
That are open...
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yo son, that was straight ill man. i liked the wordplay you used in this piece man. the imagrey and the truth it showed was nothing less then brilliant. I felt this piece raw cause it showed the emotion every om needs. there was nothin that i can say that you should elevate on cause you grasped every aspect of it. loved it man peace. check out my om The Unsigned feat. Big Nash in my sig.
-Peace
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I'll peep urs in a sec, thanks for the feed.
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fuckin sweet piece...awsome wordplay,i had a lil trouble followin it ...but tight
Peace-1
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Begining
For your lively sake, please do not weep or mourn,
For I have prepared for my death since the day I was born..
.
.
Critical anxiety flowing, cerebriation crashing through my mind,
Blood rushing through my veins, I seek for help; there's no signs
Muscles tightening upon compression, my thoughts are oppressive,
I urge myself to run, but the fear of death makes me repressive
The moment is soon to come, where failure is a presence,
the masks come off from demons, and treat humans like peasants
The death of one has come quickly, another soon to call,
while the struggle for victory is endless, so is hell's fall
Ever embracing the solitary contrary to his old friends,
Cold winds of an autumn he spends without a soul's breath
Nice.You always gotta start something good to impress the reader and i liked the begining alot,the multies were ok,but the flow perfect and exactly there.Vocab. was good,because it's really what i expected to come in the begining part
Middle
Dropped the paint brush to illustrate a vision he can touch,
Graffiti laminated walls beckon his name to fill in the cuts
So heaven he walks, down a savaged path to hear the water's tide,
As it crashes the receding line of sand, it hollers and cries
Replenishing the tear's in his eyes, he wants to plunge in,
But the hidden sun sings his demise of demons in a dungeon
Before his father used his hand to violently maul his face,
Burning his pupils to a memory that even he could never trace
If only he could see the stars plummeting because of his death,
He sold his soul and eternity for 24 hours of vision in stead
Now, he lacks the dollars to recollect his pastels and chemistry,
An entity of little meaning, scening his chest with an elegy
Wow,the middle was amazing.I liked the hyperboles when you described the tide crying and the sun singing part.I liked those parts.The multies got better here and the flow still remained prefect and better at the same time.Vocab. here was good as well.
End
His skin cut to ribbons, his enemy is his own subconscious,
A monster scaring him out the closet is now the lady ceasing the nonsense
His mother has been looking for her first born for months on end,
Attends the city's primates, a jungle of rusting wires about to disconnect
Listening to the voices in her head, finding the speaker of these words,
Turns to park at the curb, walking past the park benches and birds
Disturbed, a quick gasp exhumes from her gaping mouth,
The shaping clouds casts a gloom on her son not making a sound
Cries into the night, blood clots stop the puddle of life,
Sighs are not heard through the dimness located in his eyes
Oh shit.Incredible.I liked this ending alot.Flow got better as soon as the ending sentence started and multies were good and helped it flow nicely.Nice vocab.It was good and the words were simple and small yet complicated to understand.(Had to get a dictionary for some,lol.)
Overall
Nice piece,it had a really good emotion towards it and good imagery.Vocab was good,and multies were ok-good.Flow was awesome,i like that type of style.Keep dropping.
Pz.
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Thanks for all that feed ref, its highly appreciated, peace.
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that was best ive read since i was here that was dope & tight
you the best G
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Haha @ the best, its all good tho, thanks.
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this was dope.......topic was very interesting and it was the style i like read..flow was smooth all the way...even strucutre as well....vocab was good and complex..rhymes were good and multies too..........overall this was dope........and hey can u check out my drop Peace with the cops...thanks...peace
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Upping for some real feed. :mad:
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This was some hot shit man. Nice use of vocab and structure. It made the piece more powerful and understandable. Nice story to the piece as well. The piece was excellent, keep doing this man. It'll get you far in this netgame.
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once again..Nostra drops another hot one
Gd lookin out....Nice peice
Keep Droppin Dawg
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