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Deaths Door
percieving ideals and symbols inquiring more
2 knocks and 1 whisper of a breath near a door
da knob infatuates me and i start to clasp it tite
opening ma heart in a door standing no 1 in sight
ideas light up da room but da bulbs make it brite
fire lights through some fumes and day turns nite
engulfed by emptiness of a void in all pitch black
in submission devils in flames dancing on ma back
their grips release and sweat from ma head pours
burnin sensations and vibrations make ma chest sore
separating soul from body spirits begin to collide
floatin in mid air looking down to stare am i alive?
marching is a ruckus and streets catch a case
numerals and names attatched to it by a face
devils and angels tug ma limbs and throw roses
ova ma casket as deaths door closes
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it was straight - but if not for the title and last line i wouldnt of knew what it was about, and it seemed like u were tryin too hard to be deep - it didnt capture me...
flow, structure - as good as it gets... vocab was good inside the lines but outside - not so much
7/10
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uppin dis for some more feedback on dis..................thnx.
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yeah man his shit was ncie i was feeling it alot i loved the fact hat yuo had big vocab it made your flow better and evrything else dope good job
8.5/10
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uppin............................................. .............
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It's pretty decent..nothing special because of its length, it could've grown to be a much better storyline and everything but you did well....Good job, keep it up and try making longer verses...like 25-40 lines...
~Nash
Check "The Unsigned" in my sig...pure dopeness...
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alrite drop
rhymin ws simple
flow ws gd
structure ws gd
gd read
elevate ur rhymin and vocab
no h8
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thnx to all of u..............uppin 1 for today............................
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uppin......................................
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that was tight real dope
8/10
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uppin............................................. ........
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I liked this cause it dealt with a portion of spirituality, and I like to see that ish in drops, not ya average "clipz n ho's" kinda deal nah mean? I like the imagery in this aswell, waitin for ya next piece.
Peace.
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ok drop
kinda simple imo
vocab was basic
structure was nice and flow was
two
overall ok drop
still could elevate
Please Leave Feed On This Peice
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=261144
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uppin............................................. ...............
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It's pretty decent..nothing special because of its length, it could've grown to be a much better storyline and everything but you did well....Good job, keep it up and try making longer verses...like 25-40 linez
yo vote my battle fairly
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260792
