...Heavens Hell...

Heavens Hell

Bang Bang...Time is wasted,
Another bullet gets tasted..
Boom Boom goes the races,
See the dissapointed faces,
Manipulation becomes right,
The Stipulation is this knife,
.........And dies another life.

Everday I have to hear about somebody dying a different way,
They die in night and day, with lost causes and nothing to say,
Today a little girl was raped and killed...fragile blood spilled on,
While the killer is gone and thrilled. Over the hill peaks dawn...
But still everyone can just move on? Caring less, so careless...
...of what's going on around them, hear this and be so curious,
As to what whispers are flowing through this night so graceful,
You fight below the rights of self righteousness so unfaithful...
Expressions around you become not only facial but in emotions,
Soft waters and hard rain bring tears that I cry from oceans...
..Just when a gate opens, it again shuts so dearly and quickly,
I bicker and frown upon killing so sickly. Backbones so prickily,
But with me there's only one feeling that overcomes my body,
Through these dying people I feel the pain of that little shottie,
From the biggest to largest...I feel for them hardest, knowing,
That before I left they had no sign of showing their growing...
Before bestowing my gift, I feel my eyesight lift from my head,
In bed, dreams do drift away from the hurt such as the dead,
Sensations such as mine go unread. In my verbals are a book,
Give the Christain lives a hook, right into the bibal they look...
...Heads approval, or dissaprovally shook for the hatred fire...
Sinful lives such as the girl that died slip under that little wire,
So I give her the gift to shift higher...I set her into the free...
.......I let her be all that she can be, like they do in the army,
But it harms me, to save their lives because they have to die,
YET AGAIN.....another story lurks behind that my good friend,
Until then I remain untold..Into Heavens Hell, the dreadful den.

Bang Bang...Time is wasted,
Another bullet gets tasted..
Boom Boom goes the races,
See the dissapointed faces,
Manipulation becomes right,
The Stipulation is this knife,
.........And dies another life.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post3649111
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...10#post3649110
Links^^

okay first off this was a solid introduction,,,,,,,,
you lack some creative thought but make up for it in poetic delivery...you did lack wordplay but had great rhythm..... you had meaning but it was delivered bland.

now please dont get offended in my words but you have a potential talent that is limitless i can see that in your words but you dont put enough thought or creative content to keep it mainly appealing.i see so much talent here and your right i am an old head people here know me for finding the best.though im a battle emcee concious music is actually a passion of mine maybe if you like we can collab on one see who we blend.

i think everything was good except for your structure and the set up....the lines were good it was the structure that made it hard to read and points....u can use the grammar that u got cause it sounds good wit it...i like the intro and the outro....overall i give this a 8/10...just work on structure and comin hard next time

Thank you guys for the feed...I'll work on that for my next OM, -Rise

~Cry

RISE FOOLS...

Rise~

structure was horrible delivery was ok , the topic was stright , u need to work on higher vocab and a less choppy flo , the multis were good tho

and plez leave feed on my OM thnx

i am guessy cry is eye`s alias.....same formatted structure and flow so this shuddnt be anybit off from spectacular....*checcs*

-pretty good actually, i was expecting better tho, you had some killer concepts and you circled everything about ur title, i felt u didnt get deep into detail tho, i like a topic where u spit feeling the emotions taken place, now if you posted more of this, in result i think it wudda been a much more powerful verse, overall 7.7/10

^Fuck you...if you knew who I was rofls...only looks shitty cause of that damn font..I'll change it later...centering shit also makes it bad..so yeah...*DIE*

Lyricalgangsta...I eat you...

^^^me>?////lol also id appritiate if u cud hit my OM...or mayb tomorrow...idc

Upp.

I'm

...Bored

Nice work...........
Wordplay and strucrtre was good.
Half decent topic and flow
With the course it seems like a actual song.
Keep it up.


~Peace

yo this drop was aight. It think It could've been better like the way you put you wording you coulda done better on that and I think you shoulda added more vocabs. But It still was ight

eww, ugly peice. sorry but this wasnt as good as i thought it would be, the peice was a little too predictable and didnt really appeal to the reader. vocab was not available here, which was negative points for you, and your complexity took no part in this. elevate.

^It was just a quick deal...nothing special...I agree with ya...

....

u know wats funny u said prewriting is gay and ne1 wit eyes can tell
u copyed and paste from mircosoft word pad wat a douche.