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A Beggers Life.
A Beggers Life.
I swore to hold the key, but now, its slowly folding see..
As I make, "Im hungry," signs from leftovers thrown at me..
Theres no way out of here, and life’s, not about to clear..
A life supply of water, only when I count my tears..
Be brave, announce my fears, and sigh cause I need help..
But today was a good day..
..................................A whole sidewalk to myself!
So much pain, and loneliness, but see, im phony, shit
As I grab the mic and think, "what if,"..
.....................................But why am I holding this?
Theres no future in me, and no, theres no future you see..
This world will come to an end, as a future of greed..
Money makes the man? No, more like money makes the type..
Of guy to be an asshole, but money makes my life..
Nothing in myself, I plead on the street, no dollar still..
I don’t even have a pocket, to hold a dollar bill..
All I ask is for a dollar, im so sick, of poverty..
Saying my prayers
.......................And I wouldn’t mind hitting the lottery
..
Because..
Life’s so hard at times, and yes its hard at times..
But my only future holds, how well I smart these rhymes..
Theres nothing in life, and no, nothing you can accomplish..
I need to make as much of it.. So Im not about to stop shit..
..
Life’s so hard at times, and yes its hard at times..
But my only future holds, is how well I smart these rhymes..
Theres nothing in life, and no, nothing you can accomplish..
But I need to make as much of it.. So Im not about to stop shit..
..
Its not money, no, no money at all, its funny you called..
I couldn’t answer!, so no, it wasn’t funny at all..
Life’s not worthy, and all it does is fucking hurt thee..
As a life like this is not meant…
.........................For a man who just hit thirtie..
I fear that Im doomed, its clear, I fear of my tome..
But I know this is a dream..
..........................Lord, please make it clear up soon
Im sick of this shit, sick of this bitch, sick of my own shit..
Im sick of everything! Everything is just sick..
I don’t know what to do, no mom, for holding you..
Its hard growing up..
......................When clouds are what to look up to..
Im badly divorced, dumped on the street, sadly poor..
The only one who turned out like this, in a family of four..
Im dumb a ton, or even worse, I guess Im just some scum..
The type of person people laugh at..
..........................................No more than a bum..
This is just gay for heavens sake, a day I’ll never make..
So I’ll just lie right here in the ally..
.................................And pray that I’ll never wake
RIP: Mark Ujean Murphey.
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Wow Po. This piece had amazing imagery. I mean, i had a mental picture going from about... line 2. Very descriptive and indepth which is very good. Your emotion in this piece was very heartfelt. Especiallly the ending when you said RIP it makes it all seem so much more powerful. Your structure was on point about the whole way through. And the hooks, well, they were kinda hooks. Very nice vocabulary aswell man. I've seen more colorful of vocab but you dont need a over-kill of big words to give a piece some flavor.
My favorite 2 lines were.....
Theres no way out of here, and life’s, not about to clear..
A life supply of water, only when I count my tears..
Those strong beginnings really set the pace for a well thought out and good piece. I would love to see more work from you in the future w/ this much emotion and imagery. Keep up the good work and hit the aim for a collab.
stay up!
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OMFG!! I really loved this. The emotion, wow, the emotion. I loved this. The flow, the structure, the lines. Everything was pretty much on point! The imagery, I saw everything in my mind
Nothing in myself, I plead on the street, no dollar still..
I don’t even have a pocket, to hold a dollar bill..
^^ I loved that.
The whole 2nd part had me in awe. Good fuckin job.
Stay up, and keep dropping.
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Po this was trully amazing, and it deserves miss's nomination no doubt!
the thing that i never noticed about u b4 is u have a way with words that is unlike a lot of writers....like some lines seem so simple, yet they are so complex in meaning/emotions/imagery....just u word that so well they make ya just go wow! there is very little flaw in this piece at all..it is so intense, and real in so many ways.....
.....this piece brought a new appreciation towards u....and i respect u more than ever!
FAV-LINES!
Theres no way out of here, and life’s, not about to clear..
A life supply of water, only when I count my tears..
Be brave, announce my fears, and sigh cause I need help..
But today was a good day..
..................................A whole sidewalk to myself!
^^1st bar, was full of imagery...2nd bar was such a reality check!so real!
Nothing in myself, I plead on the street, no dollar still..
I don’t even have a pocket, to hold a dollar bill..
^^again so real!
MUH RESPECT MAN...KEEP UPS!!
(po + speks = collab dope! )
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This was pretty nice stuff, i liked a couple of bars more them others like this one
"All I ask is for a dollar, im so sick, of poverty..
Saying my prayers
.......................And I wouldn’t mind hitting the lottery"
the flow was on point through out the whole verse, the chourus i thought was unnecessary but thats only about one flaw, and i had to give some contructive critisicm otherwise it aint feedback so yea this was tight, hit my OM up in my sig
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theres my links up in my sig.
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great imagery, exceleent flow, good structure.... that helped the flow flowwise, the emotion in this was also great, topic was played by a mslal bit, but still nicee,
Nothing in myself, I plead on the street, no dollar still..
I don’t even have a pocket, to hold a dollar bill..
Theres no way out of here, and life’s, not about to clear..
A life supply of water, only when I count my tears..
wow.....
great job
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Yo dog, that was a tight ass fucking om man, damn, there was so much flow and imagiry, vocab could be better, but damn.
10/10
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this was good, like everything that i saw in this OM, from beginnning to end i kept me on the edge of my seat wanting more, liked the imagary through the whole thing, i was able to picture everything that was said through your lines, everything flowed well together, i don't really have a favorite line cause everything was good, this is a great if not best OM mic i have read in a while, keep it up
Good Job
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omfg god nigga that is how u do it that is the best one i have ever heard on this site my favorite linz were
Theres no way out of here, and life’s, not about to clear..
A life supply of water, only when I count my tears..
dam nigga i think ur the best one on this sight with topical good lookin dawg
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everyone who reads this needs to nominate it for the hof for december uppin this shit is awsome
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Yo feel that it takes a lot of being intooned to ur emotions to write liek that and i cant tell buy your writing that you are very well done.. I could feel the same pain he felt as i was reading through it felt like i was rite there with him some thing i enjoyed reading and for that i thank you...
Check me out(http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=258850)
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Well, thanks for the feed guys.
You cant really say, "the best Ive read on here in a while." When you joined no more than a month ago.
Thanks though.
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Very good piece. The whole topic of basically being povern spreads throughout and you stay on topic the whole way through. The flow does not drag on which makes it more of a realistic writing and more interesting to the readers mind. This is a great read, I felt is if I read a story of a man and his life through thick and thin with all the exclusive imagery you have drawn. Incredible piece again.
Rating 9/10
Please critiquie my piece The Night Of Ecstasy
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lol those other 2 had like 65 post and they say its the best the have read in awhile lol
but it was a nice piece props again and it should be a 10/10 hahahahahaha but seriosly it is the best piece i have ever read on this site
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lambragini first off...if seen/written more poetical scriptures than youve heard of in your life, so please dont act like I do not know what I am talking about. Post an open mic scripture then we will see
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Please dont freepost in here.
Thankyou both.
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this is a dope piece. actually the first piece that ive felt since my short stay here at rapbattles. Pretty nice visuals, but your strength obviously lies in your delivery, which came across very smooth. Very fluent read....
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po can u topical battle this nigga for me his name is kayo he is a faggot who thinks he can topical sho him dawg how to do it
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up this shit nominat if ya like it is the best piece ever up up up up up up
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yo you had some great imagery an some great ryme skillz you should put it on audio hit me up if you need beats
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