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The Angel Of Above
The Devil
Hell on earth is what i plan for the mortals this day
for all the shit they put me through they must pay
pay the price & revenge is what i had in mind twice
and this time this plan aint gonna be so nice.........
I will makke there life hell from this day forward
Lookin at god above like darin him to come toward
he swore on the bible that he wouldnt kill a disciple
i was one in the past but i've gone evil with a rifle
Flames and fire gust of hot air,i'll kill without a care
I'll torture those mutha fuckaz and it wont be fair
This plan i have is evil, even sicker than hitlers idea
Im like invisable to mortals they dont know i'm here
I'll laugh in ther faces while there is life is miserable
bloody screams and cries, to me such a delight visual
I must make this work or my life will totally fail..
or i might end up in my own hell, which is jail.....
God
I will summon an angel from above to stop your plan
she will fight back, dotn hit her if you a real man
dont make me come down and break the rule i swore
i'll destroy you make you burst like the inner core
I'm like magic, i'll stop your plan and make it tragic
in the pst you had my trust, but now you dont have it
*light strips glare from the clouds and an angel falls*
The Angel
i will shoot lightening at you and you ant stop it
walk the line devil, i bet you cant walk it
you are probably drunk and this idea is not yours
i dont know why you want to do this for....
you have awaken me and my powerful mind
would you stop this plan if you could be so kind
dont make me kill you with my bare hands.....
i can kill you with one hand with the other on my strands
and all the mortals will be my fans and cheer me on
and in one little hit,devil and you'll be eteranally gone
The devil
fine angel i'll stop this for now for your sake...
but sum day this plan wont be so fake...
this will happen sum day and you know it will
i'll keep this plan in my mind forever still..
The End
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uppin for feed.............
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some great vocab in this piece, 8/10 peace
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I liked that b, straight up not much you can correct on every aspect was covered correctly. 9/10. dope man keep droppin if you wanna collab hit me up.
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iight i'l keep that in mind..thanks for the feed...uppin
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Eh.. This was ok... It was good considering you're new, quite creative. It flows well and reads easily, however, it wasn't particularly complex or interesting. The idea for the story is good, however, I think you could've approached it with a much better style.. Using more complex vocabulary, and not being so clear with your words... I know it sounds weird, but if you write using metaphors, similes, imagery etc, that suggest something else, it will often give the story you're trying to tell a huge boost... Making it stand out from others.
Overall though a nice piece, you have good potential, keep it up.
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ok..thanks for the advice....uppin
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it was a tite topic but u couldve got a lil bit more into it ya kno.....overall nice shit b
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good descriptive piece with good flow, some more doubles and vocab coulda helped, but overall a great peice man
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thankks i appreciate it..uppinm 3 more
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uppin.............................................
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Uppin. for sum feed..leave linkz
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yea this was dope yo..nice multies of da heezy fa sheezy ma neezy
vocab and flow was good..nice format/structure.. cool transmission from line to line.. good dialogue going on...
nicely set up and delivered....yea am feelin this piece
keep doin yo thizing
9/10
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skribble you did it again....u had a nice flow going, concept was cool. your structure was understand to read, i felt the whole story, the whole piece was imagry, i had every thing in my head. nice vision. but all u need is you need to extend your vocab, but other then that, nice drop..............8.5/10
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thanks for the feed.....upppin for more
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i liked ur verse nigga....
nice concepts....and ideas...u could use sum more elevation but i feel u did nice
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i like the vocab imagry was nice i like how you seperated into parts it was dope
8/10
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thanks ii appreciate it....uppin
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I just don't get it. As poetry I guess it would fly but not feeling it particularly as a nice rap. Is the rule here to say what folks want to hear "all" the time. It was cool but it wasn't dope, nice, ill, da shit or any other descriptive word to say the least. Do what you do though.
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Alrighty boy, its like this man ..
.. I thought, that this peice was to simplistic. See, the title was good, and all that junk, but after I started reading it, the rhyme shceme was just eh, 1 word rhymes, no real big multies, could use more of those. You need to use a bigger vocabulary at some points, some of your words are to .. Easy, like, instead of see, use the were vision, or something along those lines, your four years older than me, you cant possibly tell me my vocabulary is larger, ha. The fonts in different colors was something I havnt seen before, made it look cool, and same with the font and stuff, added a twist to it. The imagiry was nice, you could have used bigger words, like I stated before, and maybe got a little more into this topic, but other than that, good job. Flow was choppy here and there, but nothing to bad. Structure was sweet, it was like right down the middle the whole way, like, VOOM!, I like that.
Overall, good job man, keep going at it with this shit, you'll get better, I can tell you have mad potential, it just takes time. Maybe this wasnt one of your better peices, but I liked this, nicely done. Im looking forward to seeing more stuff by you around here.
Peace.
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nice perice, good imagry, but the color gotta go....but, nice wrding...good..
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Hey great topic skribble (and thanks for helping me with my rhymes in my posts) good flow and imagery. The only thing that was... well it wasn't bad, but it was just.. factually wrong... was the story. I mean, good story and if it's fictional or whatever you wanna call it, great... the real story is that the Devil fucked up and God sent him down to rule Hell (he is the Fallen Angel, the Morning Star, etc etc) And God DIDNT trust the devil... I don't know if this were public someone would have been like, what the fuck? This all happened way before human beings/mortals.. and I guess I didn't understand why God sent an Angel to deal with the Devil, maybe that could be explained more. But like I said, great topic- I'm glad to see that horizons are being broadened and all of that fancy jazz.
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ight thanks for the honesty and advice and topics and maily taking the time to leave sum feed....uppin
