:noor:
30-lines max
due 2moro daytime latest
topic...Skateboard...
House rules
No crew-votes
No hate votes
No 1 line votes
:boobies: check
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:noor:
30-lines max
due 2moro daytime latest
topic...Skateboard...
House rules
No crew-votes
No hate votes
No 1 line votes
:boobies: check
ohhhh goodie goodie gum drops...
hah...
in.
peace.
[FONT=Tahoma]
The Skate
When you live in a broken home… it can seem like your alone
The star shone as bright as day… my sister there, even if I roam
The last straw pulled… puddles filled with splashing rubber boots
The loot of happiness weighed nothing because it was natural soot
But the labor I pay for seems to leave more sawdust then trust
And I must be left in darkness at times for fear of myself I touched
And when the light switch does not do much…
And an, allen key is the only door handle
A vandal in your home can seem like more than a random battle
I knew I could skate faster than he could run with my moms purse
Idols on the television and in school to stand up for moral truths
It hurt to know I had to stop this guy… otherwise who would care the police?
Hah they had coke heads to chase… and stab victims to drive, not a petty thief
I would take this matter into my own hands… the man of the house
Didn’t have a choice to move… always grew up in the south
… the timing seemed all wrong…
suddenly a gun in hand, life flashed forlong
“now I stand in the middle of the street holding, trying to fix my own entrails
belly cut open with a six inch blade ending all my personal hopes and trails
… I wouldn’t fail… but sometimes all you need is for someone else to set sail
there wings of life heading in the wrong direction… and evil prevails
I guess my own cousin didn’trecongnize, or know we moved and forgot about the skate
Call it Fate…
Cause that dark night had he not given it too me money…
would have been the only thing at stake.“[/FONT]
dammit... i cant fix it... just read it as is.....
Booooh, vortex is off line. I wanted to read both.
nice verse twix.. ill prolly lose this real quicly coz of all the hate..but here goes
Skateboard
.
.
.
It was a dark drizzly Thursday morning, coldness bit my ears as I strolled
Waiting for my workload, the order to activate my mercenary mode
Ginger Jenny called me to the office, said she had a mission conscript by CIA
I listened to the fat chicks advice, & told her my price would be 60K
She pulled a black briefcase from beneath the table, then passed me a PPK
Now she shows me the picture of a man dubbed “The skateboard killer”
Big gorilla looking fucker, this week he kidnapped 3 kids down by the river
Next to the skating park, at least 1 child has already been torn apart
Another 2 kids held hostage, possibly in an apartment near South Boulevard
Yesterday they’d caught him on C.C.T.V, still pinpointing him was hard
Thought in my minds eye: “where would I go? Maybe a basement to lie low
Don’t want to die so before hitting the street strap the Kevlar with Velcro
.
I’d use my 6th-sense for guidance, asking questions facing walls of silence
I’m skating on thin ice, I must crack this case, I comb the environment
Checked out the downtown subways for any sign of finding the children
Suddenly stumbled over evidence, wet wheel marks leading below the station
Took out my torch & pistol, saw a door to my left halfway forth the tunnel
A sign said NO ENTRY! Turning the handle, I entered from a cautious angle
Purple corridors led me to the right past water pipes and rats scratching
I dimmed the flashlight, & prepared myself for a little automatic gat action
More wheel marks lead to a staircase, the stairs took me further underground
Sounds of a child crying guided me, now I knew this gorilla had been found
Creeping stealthily, the stairway led me straight ahead to the boiler-room
2 kids in a corner, as I scoped the offender my PPK slightly recoiled & BOOM!
The bastard fell from 1 shell; I could tell he was going straight to the tomb
.
The children bruised & beaten, but least they still breathing, praise the Lord
I saw a wooden object on the floor;
Then realised I’d been following in the tracks of a skateboard
no votes @ all???
up 1
uhm?
cough
spew spluter
up 2
sleeppppppppppppp is in my eye
front lines is whack.
rise.
Yo this was great from both sides here.
I am having real trouble deciding who won but here goes....
Twin-Six ya shit was deep and I felt it hard. On topic and immaculate flow.....
I felt however, that a few lines were forced and that could effect my vote.
Otherwise.... It was great.
Vortex, I had ta read ya shit 2-3 times over just to get it.... REAL DEEP SHIT.... Nice twist at the end... Like that shit. Stayed on topic and no lines were forced.....
Overall v/ Vortex
Hit up the battles in my sig fairly
Damn cant poll...........................................
oh well never mind..thanks for ur input neways...
lol
uppin this
sometime this year would be good peoples..
up
come on folks gi this a couple votes
i'm running outta ups already and theres not 1 poll yet
bump
dead.............................................. .................................
v/ twix
he had some flamin' multies, plus his storyline was very good, i liked his imagery as well, but vortex had some dope imagery, its really great, this was aclose battle but ive got to give it to twix,, great battle guys
TwixSin - good verse. Lots of good multies, and you were very topical. Only thing I would say is a few things sounded a bit forced n' shit, and you also dropped off a bit in the middle.
Vortex - hot shit man. You were on point the whole way, had good multies, and I was really just feeling the overall verse. Flow could have been better, I think that's the one place where Twix had you, but overall, your verse was just better....deep and shit....very well written.
v/Vortex
one.
Twix - The language you used was complex, which is always nice to see in a topical. Also you had a good use of multies and i think you told the story in a very personal way.
Vortex - I dont think you told the story in as much detail as twix, but it drew me in all the way through and made me want to find out what happened next. Twixs flow was better, i think some of your lines were stretched pretty bad, But overall you got more of a story into your verse, which is what got you this one..
Vote/Vortex
Good battle guys
twix- you you had sum great multeis real hot...ya sotroy was pretty cool interesting and your vocab was pretty complex it made the imagery a lil betta...rhymes were good and complex...nicely done with the lay out and the stuructre was giood and the flow was smooth
vortex- damn your stroy was hella hot it was interesting and creatvite ya rhymes weere good and your flow was continuesly smooth through out and ya strucutre was excellent....overall ya verse was the best out you 2
v/vortex for reasons above
nothing but an underestimate....
ill battle you again... i promise :P
im going to vote twix in this battle xellcent multies with a better over all verse in my opinion
vortex beat this guy more punches more rhyme vote vortex
good battle u both are wickid dope i liked both verses u guys are awsome
some votes were not polled
this is gettin mad old
this is my last up
come on close this up folks
dont fuck about
up fucking 5
this was evenly match by both ppl.............................
T had a nice flow going, the concept was right on tracc, good stucture.....deep in details...thats whats good 7/10
vor had sum nice flow as well. nice vocab, good structure as well..... 7.5/10
Flow/tie
Structure/ tie
creativity/ tie
Concept/ tie
Vocab/ Vortex
v/Vortex
Word^
can ya drop an honest vote in my battles in my sig..............
Word^
This was aight...
Twix- cam kinda basic...your rhyme scheme was good, structure was off quite a bit, and most of your lyrics were basic...you had good multis and a few metas but nothing to get excited about...I understood your verse mostly until the part in white about your cousin and money being at stake...so lemme get it straight, your cousin robbed the house and stabbed you? but the thief had a gun? I'm lost there...explain :mad:
Other than that the verse was ok...
Vortex- good verse overall, it was kind of complex, especially at the beginning but I could see the dopeness fading toward the end of verse...I can also tell that your from Europe somewhere, by your wording :) but your rhyme scheme seemed off, and thats how I could tell you had an accent...good shit overall
Gotta go...but V/ vortex, for having a better overall verse
link in sig pz :2thumb:
I gotta go with vortex. His words were good and he really flowed them.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=257029[/url]
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=257245
plese drop some votes on these.
word.. didnt realy like da structure wich is prolyl wat fuked up da flow more than wording did.. but emotion adn erything else was felt more so vortex get da voteQuote:
Originally Posted by 1up
Honestly I'm not much on the topicals, but I was feeling vortex's spit here. Flowed nicely, had some good concepts (so did TwixSin) and stayed on topic. TwixSin was complex as hell but I honestly didnt understand at times.
Imma go wit Vortex for better verse