"Eyes Wide Shut"

Got To School... 'The Jock', Care Free.
Greetings Breed This Ego Of Mr. Popularity.
Feet Skip Past Girls With A Cocky Swagger,
Drag A Scene Behind As All These Calves Herd.
I Dance... The Piper, Pipe In Hands,
Man Forms To Rat As Four Light Notes Lift Dams.
The Flood Gates Break, Just Pump Rain Up.
A Sea Of Enslaved People Fills Each Ways Cusp.
They Fallow A Step Back, Question's Asked...
Left And Right, From The Get Go, To And From Class.
Im Idolized Though. My Name's A Grasped Symbol...
The Asterisk To This Cold Place's Blackening Whole.

*Goes To Class*

...Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing

*Bell Rings And He Leaves Class*

Meet Up All My People Just Before Class.
A Stunning Little Dime Finds A Comfort In Lap.
Bull Shit This Line, "You're Eyes Are Beautiful".
She Smiles, I Sigh... In Mind Already Through The Hole.

....................................

*Kid Walks By, Accidentally Bumps Someone*

"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! You Fucking Faggot!
Cant You Fucking See? That's My Back Bitch."
He Smacks The Kids Face, Gets A Laugh In Late.
Looks At His Crowd Now For The Packs Embrace.
They, All Love It... So Much Higher Ranked.
The Kid Had That Shit Just Comin... Guys A Waste.

....................................

This Bitch Is Fucking Gorgeous... High Class Shit.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! You Fucking Faggot!
Cant You Fucking See? That's My Back Bitch."
Glance Over To See My Mans Hand Sweep.
Cant Even See, But Here A Smack And Laughs Breach.
Everyone Smiles So I Hold No Sign Of My Own.
Fallow, Although When I See This Kid I Broke.
Never Stopped It, As This Kid Flee'd Weeping...
Stared Me Right In The Eyes Before They Shut Out These Things.

*The Next Day*

Just Another Day, Im Great. Why...
Even This Shutter Of Education Is Laid Wide.
All Are For Me, Discard He Who Your Sold On,
I'm Above All, This Communities Bull God.
Not Even Arrogant, See When Its Truth...
These Led Title Used Hold No U-

*EXPLOSIONS RING OUT!!!!*

Cover My Head Up As Rubble Tumble Runs By.
Close My Eyes And Hope The Thunder Subsides.

*A Kid Kicks Open The Doors And Runs In*

The Doors Fly Open, Almost Now Broken.
Hinges Dangles As People Race To The Ground Choking.
The Debris Seize Every Crevice You Can Imagine.
Dirt Sifts Through My Hair As The Air Lands Ravaged.
It Sits There... Ripping Its Filthy Claws At My Iris.
Driving In This Pain Of Not Saving A Tried Kid.

*Gunshots Ring Out/ A Figure Stands At Me*

I Cant See, I Think Someone Come Up In Front Of Me.
SHIT! I CANT FUCKING SEE! "HELP ME PLEASE!!!"

*Figure Speaks...*

"So Blind To Me Until The Time Of Need...
Now It Is I With Eyes Wide Shut And Blind Prestige."

*Closes Eyes... *

...BANG!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

News Reporter:
"On the sunny spring day of April 1999, a suburban high school in Jefferson County, Colorado, found itself under attack by two of its own. In less than fifteen minutes of the first-lunch period on that Tuesday, two student gunmen killed 13 and wounded 21 before they turned the guns on themselves - the most devastating school shooting in U.S. history."


---------------------------------------------------

Links:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...886post3301886
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...903post3301903

Nice story line nice concept in away.
School shooting it's self is kina played for a topic.
However I liked it.


I love the flow here, the way you told the story
was good and you never lost flow. Nice vocabulary
and structure really good job on that.

Can't say much else but that's what kept me
reading this piece was your flow and the
way you told the story.


Peace stay dropping.

Thanks Alot For The Feedback Man,

And Ya, The Concept Is Kinda Played
... I Just Wanted To Tryn See If I Could Make It My Own.

If You've Got An O.M. Out Leave A Link Man,
I'd Be More Than Happy To Leave Some Feedback On It.

yea flow was hott,amazing structure, interesting story line but alot of niggaz r doin bout shootings, but dope rhmes, yo nxt time u doin an om holla at me aight?

... I Dont Plan Them,
I Just Get Bord And End Up Writing Them In AIM Boxes.

But If You Think Of A Topic Just Pm Me.

Drop A Topic And Line Limits And I'll Be Done Within The Hour.

No doubt would appreciate if you leave feed on
my OM 'Mental Wars-Spirit Soars'

thanks.

Mhm, I'll Check It Out Right Now Man.

this wuz a pretty dope piece of work rite here.
a lil played but i liked it and yer flow was off da hook.

The Doors Fly Open, Almost Now Broken.
Hinges Dangles As People Race To The Ground Choking.
The Debris Seize Every Crevice You Can Imagine.
Dirt Sifts Through My Hair As The Air Lands Ravaged.

that line waz tite yo

u think u could check out my OM "R.I.P 2Pac"

good shit mayne

Yup, I'll Go Leave Feedback On It Now.

I really liked this piece i couldnt figure out the concept till i got to the end of the piece it really impressed me the way you told the pre story to the shootings and not just the shooting themselves i think a lot of people would of went for the easier option so you get some props from me.
The story was told really well you set the scene from the opening couplet, the imagery was very descriptive that was the strongest point of the piece.
You used your vocab really well to it fitted well to the concept you didnt go over the top with the vocab which a lot of people tend to do in OM.
There wasnt a lot of multies in the piece but i still really liked it.
Return the feed on my new Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241117

... Done.

damnnnnnnnn

this motherfuckers a true poet

perfect structure...great originality...and the fact that you took a true story and gave it a fictional school setting and personlities...and at the same time kept the shit rhymin...

...it was crazy dog

Thanks Alot Man,
Apreciate The Feedback.

no problem dog

uppin this piece of art

I Saw You've Got An O.M. Out,
I'm Going To Tryn Reply To That Before I Leave For The Night.

... Upping.

Still Upping.

...........