Elevation Thread.

Elevation Thread.
10/08/05

Pay attention to how this works, I don’t want anyone fucking it up…

Cyphers are all about elevation, but no one ever gets feedback. So with that in mind I’ve created this thread.

I will drop a topic. The next person can either reply to that topic or diss me (minimum of 8 lines.) At the end of his post he must leave a topic- regardless if he posted a diss verse or not.

The next person has the same options of dissing the guy above him, or replying to his topic. Before his verse though, he must leave atleast 3 sentences of feedback. Then after his verse he must drop another topic.

The cycle continues from there…


The First Topic Is: Growth.

ima start this off.....I dunno if I can do topical or not so It's gunna be u:

This kid must have been "drunk" for more than one "night" if he think his verses tight
Everyone on RB wanted to keep em locked up so dey neva see da light
might they eva come out, Karl would be beaten, prolly worse then the slaves
Cuz he caused mass blindness on RB, for that sad excuse for a verse that he gave
Startin an Elevate thread hopin to help himself tryin to act vet, whats worse than it
He stays in the cypher to save his rec, he don want anymo noobs burstin it

whateva, no hate

Topic: Smoking

well first off ya structure needs work.
u could use a little complexity and just some flavor.spice it up a bit. U also need a better rhyme scheme but wat u got is nice. u got potential, u in the right forum.

Light the swisha blunt and pass
get blown offa my ass
take blunts to face in between my 5th and 6th period class
roll the reezy talk the beety and i'm hella hyphy
if u hatin then bite me, i be smellin' up my white T
my lungs is mighty, but they might burst likely
spittin flows wisely, take no hit lightly
then when it comes to a roach and i can't get a decent puff
then i unroll the bud and i make brownies and eat the stuff

ha ha
Next topic-On the Hustle

Grim, ya stuff to easy. Its simplistic rhymes I hear in songs and ya flow is off. Keep working. Structure is off and ya gotta put flow into it. Keep it up though.

Rollin in cash through mafia meetings in halls
The shit that goes down leaves me appalled
But business is business cash is the semen
Make sure my girl aint leavin for a damn reason
Streets be lonely without me walkin the corner
Cause I fuck up anybody who got a banking disorder
Cant keep my shit legit and thinkin they will hustle me
Than it backfires against him speakin utterly
Surprised Im hustlin him back so visciously back
Thinkin Im sellin him some crack and cash stacked
But litte do many know that I never owe money
To make sure everything is peaceful and lovely

Topic: Day to Night

Topical started off good, had a nice imagery setting at first.Only thing I didn't like was your 2 line setups, cuz your setup line would X syllables long, and the line after that wouldn't match it and that threw off the flow. Near the end you kinda lost my interest cuz it wasn't utilizing any multis or anything else like that. That's the biggest thing about a topical: multies. So if use more multis you'll be straight, and expand your vocab just a little, it was SLIGHTLY below par.

I'ma try and diss everyone-


Wit a wide body forehead like that, I'm surprised I Missed A Grim
I'm miles ahead of this kid, so to him this must look like a distant win
2Hot got his small time verse mixed wit shit that's imperial
Fuck ya custom title
Nobody wanna know anything bout ya girl's vanarial
For real tho, LuStFuL? I was contemplatin whether you was even worth a line
I'm done wit Fighting Temptations...and that movie was as shitty as all ya rhymes
Drunk nights? here's advice, stay awake til you sober up
Cuz there's a hang-over tommorrow coming soon
And I'm tying the noose wit the thin Thread of elevation you mustered up

Topic: Everything in ya life just fucked up

I read this first off and thought it was shit. But upon reading it a second time found it to be quite clever, you did what u said u were goin to do which was diss everyone and that you did quite well, i liked the first punch, twinnin concepts with personals is always dificult and u did well and the last bar was quality - to elevate urther what can i say, maybe work a little more on gettin a solid structure so everyhting reads easier but other than that - good work!

i'm all outta luck in this funny little thing called life
fucked up everything n now superstitions are rife
in the hope of changin my current situation
worlds turned upside down, one time friends now i hate 'em
word to merks for this thread, it's all goin topically
so with the aim of elevation, seff'll end philosphically
cus sometimes somethings just happen, over which we've no control
but if good always comes from evil, then let the bad times roll.

next topic: going against the creator's wishes

superstitions are rife? i didnt really know what you were tryin to get at with that part. you took a pretty simplistic look at the topic and didnt really get in depth. wasnt feelin how you inserted filler in your verse about merks and the thing going topically...that had nothing to do with your verse...but i did like the last line and how you ended it.... it was coo. You should try to get more descriptive in your writings..tell why you hate your onetime friends and why youre all outta luck.


My girl's a crackhead with naps n dreds just ask her
I sat in bed contemplatin death while a match burned
My pastor says laughter is for the evil and conceited
But I need it since im treated like a beast that breeds demons
Feelin like a coma patient its the reason i stayed home today
Boss says he needs to cut his losses and i was thrown away
Dont mistake me for being happy im trapped in a lonely cage
Its the only place that ive ever known n im going insane
Hold a blade in my left hand...and a 40 in the other
Im going to go to sleep now without snoring in my slumber

Next topic: You are god for the day

wow that was pretty good actually,. i was feeling that. you vocab wasnt that big or anything and i still like it i hear vocab this and that but when its multied up and flows it all sounds good unless its too nursery and even that is good for children lol i started rambling ... but because it was A 1 good stuff describe well to show a good mental picture almopst a tear jerker good stuff .........





ok here i am infront of all this sin my minds conflictin
wanna abuse these powers, only have them for a few hours
the globe spinnin im amazed, in my hand the things swirlin
should eliminate poverty fucking ablolish all the hypocrisy
or would i be like this world and shout out. die all. as i unfurl
be rich and not give a shit, only fix whats mine like patches
then live lavish, but i know what would happen, result in ashes

next topic , domination

You had a good flow it was easy to follow. The imagery was good too. The only problem was that you didn't have eight lines.

Omega Red wanna dominate like the Art Of War by Sun Tzu//
Complete control of niggas like witch doctors with that voodoo//
The only image I see is my Timberland stompin on some niggas melon//
Domination gonna have Omega doin shit that will keep him out of heaven//
Takin weak niggas back to them old fashion slavery times//
Like master cut your hand off for reading or writing.. rhymes//
Niggas gonna see Omega Red, start runnin and cower in fear//
Cause they know that I'm a fuckin dictator this year//

next topic: your average day

That was pretty good. I like the reasoning you were doing with yourself on what to do in His shoes. It seemed a little too compacted, with all the ideas or sub-topics thrown in so few lines, but I think were it a full-out verse or song it'd be pretty well done.

After years of tears, pain, reciting and writing
I'm all alone standing here on the throne of the titans
How dare you think what I got I earned overnight
I done more in ten years than some will do in they life
They say one can't climb to the top without standing on others' shoulders
So I'm accused of corruption just cuz my rhymes is colder
They say SQ is lazy, and he use ghost writers
He the king of the rappers, yet at the same time the king of the biters
He ain't street, he ain't gutter. he ain't from the grime
what I can't rap cuz I ain't a felon that's been shot nine times?
It's unfair I'm up there in the light of the lime?
man we like lobsters in a cage, we pull down those who climb
Why come when one brother make it, nine others hate it
The second make a good point, yet eight others debate it
The third make a difference in the world, seven keep it the same
The fourth changes the game, six hate that it changed
The fifth makes his own money, five stick him for his change.
And now the sixth don't even try cuz he think it's in vain.

Next topic: How rappers is too much focused on sex and violence and gansta image and not what made hip-hop, hip-hop. (perseverence of the oppressed.)

My bad. I came in too late. I spent too much time analyzing the last guy. Do the guy before me's topic, and use mine next.

Comments on Omega:
Ehh....good structure/flow.....week everywhere else....a self promotion type shit but with no real wordplay/metas/anything....
I know you goin off the domination topic.....but you didnt really dig into it very well

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Omega Red9

next topic: your average day

---

Wakin up pissed, feelin like my minds been fucked since birth
struck and cursed, feelin like noone gives a fuck, it hurts
its like Im, just gon burst, eyes blinded by this blood lust and thirst
Whats it worth, livin dead to the world like a man crushd by earth

Its time I take a stand as man & show this world gods son will make it
Id just love to take this wrechid life through the flood of blood and hatred
God Id Just love to take it turn it around and flip the script, crush and shake it
Oh God Oh God........I guess Im just........Gonna take it



San Quintons Topic....
Next topic: How rappers is too much focused on sex and violence and gansta image and not what made hip-hop, hip-hop. (perseverence of the oppressed.)

u had a good flow and you stayed on topic keep up the good shit,structure was alrite and the word play was good/stay up nigga keep doin what u do


all these niggas be talkin bout fuck a bitch, ima gangsta
but they the ones screm lord jesus when they find the in danger
yall aint no bangers, niggas is tryin to be tv
niggas scared to go on the block, but sayin u cant see me
man get off that shit my nigga, be a man
cause yall know yall dont have the heart to really beata man
i see the man and he lookin disgusted
wonderin why niggas aint at work, but still keepin glocks bustin
the whole game done changed, between friendly shit
to runnin around wit glocks,cause niggas be envious

Topic: Sterotypes.

Let me start off wit ya focus on the topic. You ended up contradicting yourself. The topic was to write bout how rappers try to be gangsta and talk bout fucking bitches, but halfway through your topical you started writing about the same shit you were dissing. The flow was off cuz you didn't spell a bunch of shit right, and you were missing words in a few lines (Mainly the 2nd line). If you said nigga one more time, I woulda figured that u weren't black, lay back on that cuz it don't make you look any harder. No multies and little creativity. Your verse was weird and reminded me of a paradox. Cuz the same shit you were speaking against you ended BEING towards the end of the verse. That enough feedback? To elevate: I'd say just stay on topic and try to approach the topic from a different perspective. Write about it from another point of view and challenge yourself instead of going for the easy more obvious route.

Fucka topical, I just diss

6'2 what the fuck? We sposed to believe that you're big?
Says 'I ain't never scared' but yelled when he seen Blood in his sig
How u goin have an avy warning you bout your own flowing problems?
He wasn't really IN the streets...
til a bunch of Crips strapped up and RODE on him
It's no problem for me to cock back and make your whole back disappear
Lower the apostrophe to a period
And that's prolly the rating I'd give your whole rap career


Topic- You raised a kid that ain't yours...

Read the rules where it says your feedback's gotta be 3 LINES LONG not three words. And if you think my shit's vague then you're obviously not paying too much attention to this thread especially how u picked the old topic even tho you were sposed to go wit the one I dropped or diss me. You seriously shoulda read the rules a little better.

-Mercenary

shit was alright just a lil vague.

topic:sterotype

..is it cuz ima triple breed mothafucka im suppose to eat goya..curry and pasta,
fuck those prejudice pussy's till the point im labeled their father,
and their ignorant views got their sights blurry like true lies,
like arabics are terrorist and asians are einstines,
its a fine line..between truth and bullshit,
just cuz im from the hood and carry 4-5ths dont mean im no good bitch,
and i would wish.. for that shit to stop,
but for that justice we would have to start with the cops!!!

(i wasnt feelin the topic too much, but i think yall get the jist of the flow)

n/t
ya girl for 5 years just got married but found out she is your daddy!!!

wasnt' really feeling this not much delivery
you started off okay but then you started losing me at tha
end work on mutlies delivery
and your topic you left sucked

Frank yours flows is wack you need to elevate,
only time you come hard is when you masturbate.
all the time you lose,is you hetersexual or just confused,
before you drop bitch read the rules.
Cause you flows is inadequate,whick means you lacking,
so i 'm send this faggot nigga packin.
fuck a topic cause frank is on my hitlist,
But This bitch just got dismissed..


next topic..............
having sex in public lloll

you gotta elevate ur flow
wasnt really feelin the vocab
never focused on the topic, but i dont really no what it was haha

Fuckin this bitch to the left, fuckin her to the right//
Its hard for this to happen cuz this virgins so damn tight//
Im doin her on main street, hopin not to skeet skeet//
I aint ever done this before, but god damn its a fuckin treat//
Not wearin a rubber, could bust into this bitch at any time//
So i flipped her over and stuck it in her ass cuz it was so damn fine//
And after i was done i told that bitch to call me tonight//
Cuz i could go for that again, cuz that shit was aight//

TOPIC: collect call from a jail

Collect call from jail, accept this shit could be the one
It's your gangsta friend Raul, tellin u were he stashed the gun
U hit up 3 bitches, shot em up in the stomach and face
I CAN ONLY SHOW THE SCREAMING THROUGH THE UPPER CASE
Shit went bang bang, they fell fast you both kept riding
hitten up small stores, malls, watching innocent people dyin
Hes free while your sitten in jail beggin for forgiveness and cryin
So you tell the DA all about him, now his ass is in the death seat fryin
You laugh as u tell them where he hid the murder weapon .............
................................................li ke it was the cure for a desease
You get off for good behavior in 3 years, free to kill again, released

I know i got off the topic but o well...

Next topic/ Being deaf and blind... locked in a room... loaded gun in your hand... all alone...

im sitting here contemplating alone in a room
dark and muted like ive been enclosed in a tomb
i was born isolated from the rest of the world
im just about ready to reach the best of the worlds
im aware of the suicide commiters go to hell rumors
but if we all need to meet god someday why not sooner
gun treambling in my hand final thoughts confronting
I could meet my maker now and we could catch lunch or something
i raise the gun to my temple and breathing heavy stressing
ive never even got the chance to see my own reflection
i never got the chance to hear a voice spoken
im hoping that i get the chance after my choice soaks in
the ten seconds the brain remains conscience for a death wish
I might get to see and hear the world fade pefore im breathless
i flip off the safety and swallow my throat
live by the gun die by the gun honor the code



you got a call from your girl saying that she's pregnant

damn kid....nice.....like it....somelines dont fit the emotion of the rest...but as a topical you pulled off nice
"im aware of the suicide commiters go to hell rumors
but if we all need to meet god someday why not sooner"
^^^my fav. lines

Now....
Topic= you got a call from your girl saying that shes pregnant.......


the voice so suttle wit hesitation...my body tingles with anticipation as the words echo through the phone
...(then a whirlwind of thoughts cloud my brain)

My blood rushes as my mind escapes from realitys hold and perceptions crash
reflectin back to the rage ebraced by my adolescent mind cuz mah neglective dad
deceptive past experiences caused by givin love wit no reception back
Dad I loved you and followed my footsteps in yours but you wrecked my path...

.....NOOOOOOOOO
I can not be what Ive seen throughout my life on this earth
I know what its like to be hurt, and Im NOT like that ol jerk.
Ill fight and ill merk, any so my son dont know what its like to be hurt!!!!
I might have to work, but my blood bleeds for his life and his worth!!!!!

(and I then reply...with my heart bursting)
OH My GOD!!! YESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



topic:Seeing those you love in life drown in a flood

this was quite nice, emotive, and a good spin on the topic by relating it to your experiences of fatherhood. nice opening line, well worded, but i failed to spot the rhyme. on a couple of lines u compacted words in a slightly confusing manner, so it came off a little clumsy (the reception back line was a little off), but nice here.

seeing loved ones drown
we'd drifted before without need of nature's force
i paused, my tearful eyes adding to their own cause
my heart would flood, as your bottom lip quivered
closing for a final sleep, at the bed of this river
the sea between us, with our time out of sight
arms outstretched, i held our memories tight
palms together as though we sat in prayer by
the trecherous water, with it's lecherous eye
you'd float to the bottom, none of this sounds fair
so for you, i hope there's something better down there

next topic: childhood

Good beginning, it was clever. It had a nice flow to it. You had good emotion also. you used good imagery, it was believable. Your ending line was well thought out-it seemed like this was a good topic for you, didnt seem forced at all.


my childhood died when i reached tha age of five/
moms stayed speakin lies -went n slayed her fam'ly ties/
betrayed her flesh n blood- for some cat deep into drugs/
countless nights lacked sleep-dreamin of a mothers love/
envied my friends who's family was still united n firm/
my life turned inside out-too damn young to learn/
mem'ries burned wit hate-emotions raged displaced/
faced painful thoughts wit no future hope of escape/
didnt fuck wit playgrounds-no birthdays filled wit clowns/
misplaced school pictures always riddled wit frowns/

next topic-your first car

aiight i can feel the emotion but i think u could have came a lil deeper adn more complex... use more meta-4s and upp ur vocab... and multis always helps any peice cum more effectivly... but other than hat good structure adn an overall good peice

faded paint chips in the wind, still lovein the color
94 mercury cougar paid for give sumthing of wonder
my sense of pride and independence i strive for forgivness
...................as i use it to ride in the endless
cycle of life more than a machine but a feeling
4 wheels in need of rotation but it seem that its spinning
properly neva sway coccely, dreams in transmission
automatically driven to prusue a mans vision
of freedom of sorts wteva da mileage im leaven the courts
of a steady life, only fast past the way im speedn da horse
new place to chill adn it travel with my grace
my niggas blunted up wit my guhs face in my waiste
sanctuary from the still life of envious pedistrains
hope my gas as i pass the state of stillnes being met again




NT......u have aids and ur guh is pregnant( or u are the guh dats pregnant)

yo i like ya flow it was steady and evened out..
u had pretty good imagery..
but overall it was good..

Karl Merks/
ur style needs work/
if u feelin like a jerk battle me and get merked/
im after u cuz u tha maker of this thread/
im through wit body shots i put tha banger to ya head/
tha bitch u fuck wit has AIDS so theres danger in tha bed/
im here to finish what u started/
its summer time but im still cold hearted/
yo im mad smart ur merley retarded/
this is tha end so everyone say bye to tha dearly departed/(MERKS)....(JOOK$)

topic:your hood

The summer line might have worked with better wording. However it still was self-glory. Work on coming more directly at the person you're dissing.

Not really saying anything, guess you're not outspoken
The way I flip lines, will have Jookz' ankles broken
After I'm done with you, you'll be laid flat, and numb
With an October join date, no way you're Already Platinum
You could sign up with Kanye and not be with anythin good
Little off topic, but why you wanna know about my hood?
Opponents in your sig have me rolling, they the best?
You're cracking under pressure,
and after a 5-0 loss, you obviously failed your test!

Next topic: Looking For Satellites.....rather have somebody diss me though

As i drove down the road, on the search for a satelite,
to get a better signal, on the radio was the big fight,
i saw on the sidewalk, CrazyCarl's big ears,
the station crackled, and speech became clear,
i chuckled to my self and stepped out of my ride,
securley to the roof-rack, i made sure he was tied,
i thanked god for the situation and slowly pulled away,
i was filled with joy, with the luck i had today.

next topic: rapbattles.com

i liked Carl's flow good structure next time add a bit more vocab. but you should have kept to the topic. this is an elevation thread if you wanna diss, go somewhere else.
peace out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Poltergeist

As i drove down the road, on the search for a satelite,
to get a better signal, on the radio was the big fight,
i saw on the sidewalk, CrazyCarl's big ears,
the station crackled, and speech became clear,
i chuckled to my self and stepped out of my ride,
securley to the roof-rack, i made sure he was tied,
i thanked god for the situation and slowly pulled away,
i was filled with joy, with the luck i had today.

next topic: rapbattles.com

---

Welcome to RB, a place filled with egos and 'Gods' ..
.. although lately - it hasnt quite been what it was.
On the scene, at the start, battles n scriptures were murdered,
.. but nowadays its all cliches, flipped and reworded.
Newbs are depicted as worthless, board beefs like a pantomine,
.. and kids are put down before they've had the chance to shine.
The 'Vets' mostly pass the time, inside of The Lounge ..
.. paying NO mind to why this site was kinda renowned,
in its hey day. For the raw talent that coursed its veins.
Bear that in mind next time you're browsing the board. Refrain.


Next: The war on Iraq

Nice idea: elevation thread.

Critique of Godly Boarder: Nice. Nice slant rhymes, good vocab. Murdered/reworded, Gods/was, lounge/renowned-all origional rhymes. Pantomime is how the word is actually spelled but good use of it regardless. Very fresh. You have a good style keep up the good work. Might want to practice multiples but your style is fine the way it is.

Iraq War:

Got me sore to the core, in every pore like Im bein tore
can we restore?
Who knows, war is something history shows,
at every time in the past armies toe to toe,
war is constant green medic tents and rockets went,
shell casing spent chasing cross charred cement,
When the oil runs dry then will the defiled projectiles continue to fly?
Protesters continue to ask why theres never a last to die,
This is part of life death is some got a death wish,
the adder hiss deaths kiss some hit and some miss,


topic

paranoid that my girl is cheatin

i liked it u had good imagery/
good rhyme pattern/
over all i thought it was good


ya whole life will amount to nothing/
this aint pocker so y u bluffing/
im making u mad/
so get big and bad/
now start huffing and puffing/
ima skinny dude but u cant hold my weight/
naw really dude its tha beginning but now you know ya fate/
i can tell u rap for fun cuz ya flows a waste/
we bust while holding eights/
invetor of a new rap style now im going GATES..(bill gates)
(JOOK$)


TOPIC: juss lost ya job

The only attempted personal you had was the opening line. That was such a simple, obvious name-flip. If you lengthened your lines you could set up wordplay better.

Don't have to support kids, just a bunch of addictions
I thought I was done with this, constant risk of eviction
No money coming in, living the good life is just fiction
I don't live in sin, as long as I keep away from convictions
My source of funds is shot, have to go searching again
Really only liquor and pot, is to what I want to spend
A pile of applications keep my table from crashing
My personal wants and needs are forever clashing

Next topic: Train Under Water

try to make ur bars even instead of 4 bars to 2 bars keep it constant.
i liked what u had to say it was very realistic.
keep elevation u got mad potential



creep up from behind tell u to remain still/
Carl must be Crazy if hes staying in Gainesville/
ill hurt u so bad ull need insulin fuck all those pain pills/
u talkin bout name flips/
homie i got tha game gripped/
take responsible for being so shitty dont blame cliff/
ill leave ya mother filled wit sorrow/
u must be CRAZY thinking u gonna see her tomorrow/
remember i invented my own flow id neva need to borrow from CARL...(JOOK$)

next topic:about to get evicted from ya home......

Id been so busy surrounding myself with clips and roaches ..
.. That I failed to acknowledge Id been served an eviction notice.
I gripped the closest object that came to hand, set out to get a result ..
.. and headed down to the Housing Depot w/ a face like the Incredible Hulks.
The cashier started smarting off, acting clever - Mistake ..
.. I gripped round his neck with both hands, and hocked phlegm in his face.
My memories ace, I remember the scene like it was yesterday ..
.. I got 6 months for assault, but heh - at least I kept my place! :^)


Topic: Quintessential

my topic is Quintessential mabey ill drive this guy mental
if he can write ill give him a pencil so he can get lead/
wait he can get fed at the same tyme/
he cant speak rite he from the igloo land where its snow not sand/
its water not land theirs a difference in my hand cmon man/
shopw me how u roll ill show u in your poll i stand tall u stand small cause uas a midget like uuse a bitch stick u eat bitch tits man u cant spit shit

shit i forgot some lines mabey they wont ryme
they still leave u lyin on da ground u kno wut
imma make a sound cause us gay and u profound

nest topic=gold rings

Fix your flow...lol thats all i can say, your flow is way ooofff, i see how "Quintessential" and "mental" rhyme, but theere in the same line, and then in ur next line (2) "pencil" rhymed but it wasn't at the end of the line... if u made it something like..

"My topic is Quintessential, maybe ill drive this guy mental
He can't write, got no lead like a broken-pencil"

that would of been a lot better.... Your flow is just a start tho, so work on that first, cuz its most important for people to be able to read ur lines, and then u can work on other things like using personals if your gonna diss him, some good punches and openers as well, but get ur flow up first...

also im gonna diss you but no beef :0 , cuz i dont like ur topic lol.


This kid ain't got no-flow, except from where his nose-broke
More of a fag than soap-droppin'-homos/
I spit a verse so hard, to make-ya-chest-burst
Couldn't catch-ya-breath wit a breathalizer-test-reversed/
Lyrically inclined, ain't feelin his weak-little-rhymes
Couldn't think of great lines if there was a miracle-in-'minds'/
You gotta elevate, stop rhymin words for the hell-of-it
This kid more confused than his fuckin' gender-is/
A flyweight, but you couldn't fly if you hold-wings
I throw in a topic, cuz I beat your ass wit 'gold-rings'/


meh, no beef just a battle verse

Topic: Blazin' wit an old homie