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Gods second man
my brother gave me this idea to do as a OM cuz he had to do it to get into a crew , so i thought i wud try it aswell , but i dont want to get into no crew.
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Buddist , Priest , and Rabbi's , we all Gods deciples
we fight with our prayer we dont need no rifle
people have solace when they comfront us
the only way through the gates of heaven is through us
so one must , have no sins or repare them , leave no rust
live life as if God was watching u , my best advice
pray everyday , dont forget our savior , Jesus Christ
He was the top dog , a start for a wonderful religion
look at the whole world now , we mostly christian
God's deciple's true angels from heaven
We thank you God , for givin us the Reveren
Blessed all , and protect our bretheren
God's deciple's forgive me for what I do wrong
If I dont reach u by conformation , may i reach u by this song
Praying day after day aint enough pray all night long
this utter dismay , the world fallin apart every day
God's deciple's , forgive us , then save us today , a new holiday
the day the planet lives in piece a whole no pieces
clean this earth from the Ghetto to the beaches
and remember He who teaches is who decides , help our world , let peace collide
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this is kind like a prayer and a OM
im jus speakin from the heart
peace
the links will b up in one minute
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you need a lil better structure I liked some of the lines I'd give it a 6.9/10 but I can tell your a battler so..I am sure your way better at that, idk check out some other peoples om to get ideas check out mine, links r in my sig
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Wow, Nice stuff...Your opener was dope...lol...loved it...You had a lot of multis in here not really any metaphors to fit the pieces together...but it still came out really dope anyways....lol...Not much to say but to start using more metas...you had decent descriptions and your concept was good...All in all good piece dogg....Like to do a collab wit you sometime....PEACE....
*Gimmie comments on my most recent: (In the Eyes Of)*
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uppin thnx
good to hear u like my ish
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pretty good...
i liked opener aswell...pretty deep..flow coulda been better aswell as word choice..like complexity...structure was meh..but what matters is oyu got oyur point across...good ish!
overall...7.5/10..keep on dropping nigga
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this was good but the structure was a lil off. you had nice vocab and caame with nice rhymes. I felt this piece, A nice drop.
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thnx
glad yall liked it
also if u want to hear a piece done by me drop a topic or somfin
uppin
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uppin les go wit dis
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I liked the topic... it was pretty tight, the rhyme scheme was good, u had good multis and good rhymes... vocab was pretty good, coulda used a bit of improvement... one concern i had wit ur piece was the structure, u need 2 work on that a bit man... and make it longer! right when i was starting to get in2 it, it was over... stry doubling that my nigga
otherwise that was sum pretty hot shit homie... keep it up
check my last OM in my sig and leave me sum feed homie...
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iight no doubt
word
uppin thnx for the feed
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damn take them crickets out this thread
and y the fuck is it so mad silent
when people can up there post in here
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.............................................uppin
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shit is silent in this mafucka
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uhm..flow and delivery is pretty good..
i cant really roll with the concept tho.. i understand your opinion.. but it doesnt seem true to the point..you say the world is mostly christian? Check your facts on this .
pretty good work with internal rhymes.. could of done with a few solid multies maybe...
lost the flow a lil on a couple of them short lines
but all in all a most readible and good joint
stay up 1
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its the world in my eyes not the world of statistics but i get where u comin from
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lookin good, agree with the structure part but thats where im lackin too...pm a mafucka one
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structure is a bitch
lmfao
anyway uppin
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was a pretty well felt read homie, nice flow.... and the structure was a lil off, but i aint gona shit on that coz it was from the heart ( as u said ) and was understandable, was a gud piece to read.... i really liked tha opener, thats what grabbed my attention.. lol, and i'd jus say elevate on tha complety i gues... the imagery wasnt much, but there was enough multis to cover it....
nice drop!
if u culd take tha time to read n return feed on my piece " i'm sorry " ...that wuld be appreciated... thanx
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uppin............................................. .........
